Friend advice? [long]

[Ramcee]

So I'm going to start off by saying I know I sound like a b***h, and selfish, and a brat, and an attention whore, and jealous. I know I'm all of those things, so don't hold back anything. I won't get mad if what you say isn't what I wanna hear, I promise. But that's not the point. Let's continue, shall we? xD

Oh yeah, one more thing.
I apologize in advance for the lengthy post and won't blame you if you skip some or don't read it at all. xD

I have this friend. Let's call her B. She's 16.
Let's call her boyfriend J. He's 21.
I'm 13.
We all live in different timezones.
Not all that important but I dunno, felt like I should add it.

B is my best friend. I met her on here about 7 months ago. We instantly clicked and we've been close ever since. She met J on here about 6 months ago. They've been dating pretty much since then. Things were just fine, she loved him, he loved her, me and her loved each other and we had another friend that we both loved (even though she didn't care for us) and I had a boyfriend I loved (although he's not important) and things were just fine that way.
Fast forward to December. My boyfriend dumps me, and of course I'm hurting. I turn to her and our other friend for comfort. Our other friend goes all psycho b***h on us. We turn to each other on that one.
Then in February. Our other friend leaves us, which by then we were kind of happy about, as bad as that sounds. She wasn't the same any more. Shortly after we become closer than ever before.
Now. April.
Her boyfriend is supposed to go to jail soon, for something he didn't do so don't worry. 6 months is the most he'd go for and he probably won't, since his ex is the reason he's in all this crap and now she feels bad, and she gets to help the judge decide how long he goes for.
B was talking to me about it in March. Sentencing was [supposed] to be this month. She told me that "April is a good month to die." I, worried, asked her why. She told me because she didn't think she could go on without him.
This really cut me deep.
She knew it'd only be a few months. She told me before that I was more important to her, she was more worried about him than herself that he was going to be gone for months. She said she knew she'd be depressed but she'd live while he was gone, because he'd be back.
It didn't take long for it to set in that I came second to him.
Which is why it hurt. A lot.
I was mad at myself I didn't realize it sooner. And even more mad that I was worrying about myself and not her.
Sure, she told me all these things. But she didn't really act like it.
So a couple weeks ago, at the beginning of this month, I kind of bring it up.
It takes a while, but she finally says it. This is how the conversation went.
Btw - her boyfriend had to go somewhere before this.
Her: *is eating all her chocolate 'cause she's depressed.* Q____Q
Her: chocolate is almost gone now. xD
Her: has 3 squares left.
Me: Told you you'd be okay with J if I left.
You don't get like that when I'm gone. xD
Her: I do. D8
I emo corner hard. xD
I'm like "Nom nom nom. Q___Q"
Me: Orly? >>
Her:: xD
Me: xDD
Her: Yeah. D:
But I'm mostly like "Get your a** back here. D<"
Her: xD
Me: I'd maybe believe it if you acted like you acted like that. xD
Her: Plus when you leave it's not at 12am. D:
No.
When you leave it's like "When J leaves it's like "xD
Me: xDDDDD
Therefore, you are okay when J is there and I leave.
What I have been telling you. xD
Her: Not as okay as I would be if you both were here. D<<<<<
When J leaves and you are here I'm okay. D:
So there. >P
xD
Mey: But still okay. >>
Not as okay as you are when I am gone and J is there compared to that. xD
And you know it's true so don' deny et. >>
Her: xD
I'm more worried when J is gone.
'cause I know you'll be back.
And I get to see you more often too.
Plus that stupid jerkface J is my heart. D<
Can't live without my heart Ramsey. D:
xD
You are my soul. Q___Q<3
Me: You don't have one though. D:
xDD
And you could live without your soul. >>
Be a zombie but you could. xD
Her: 'Cause he has it. xD
I would be very boring and cold without a soul. >>
Me: Well if he has your soul then wtf am I here for? xD
But you could still live without it. >>
Her: I thought you meant I didn't have a heart. xD
So? >>
I'd be vury sad. >>
xD
Me: No. xDD
Still could live without it. >>
Just admit you love J more and we can move on. xD
Her: I love you more in a different way. Q_______Q
Me: I know you love me in a different way. xD
I love you in a different way than I loved my ex bf but I still love you a lot. >>
But I know you love J more than you love me. xD
I won't be mad if you say it if that's why you won't. >>
Her: I don't give a ******** if you're mad. Q____Q
Hurting your feelings is worse. Q_________Q
But yeah,
Is pree' much why. xD
WHICH I WILL SAY It's a close second. >>>>>>>
Me: Well they were hurt worse before when you were lying. xDDD
Her: Q_______________Q
b***h. Q____________________Q
xDD
Me: I dun like being lied to. xD
I've known it for a while too. >>
Her: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD8
But I do love you more in a different way so it wasn't a complete lie...>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Since when has my baby known? Q___Q
xD
Me: Going back to the other lie? >>
Since the first time you lied about it. >>
When you said I was more important to you a few weeks ago.
xDD
Her: D8
DD8
DDD8
xD
It's a complicated thing. Q____Q
xD
Me: xDDDD

I don't care, I know the truth but I want to hear (see? o O) you say it. xD
If I'm important to you you won't lie. >>
Her: I love my jerkface J more than you. D:
But I love you more than my pens. D:
So that's saying something. D:
xD
Me: You don't need to put the last part.
xD

~~~~
That was about 3 weeks ago
Since then, I dunno.
I don't feel like trying anymore with our friendship. And I feel like a bad friend for that.
I always seem to come second to something, anything in friendships when I put that person first.
I always put my friends first as much as I can.
This time I thought it was different, that I was first for once.
And it just... crushed me.
Especially since she doesn't need me.
I feel like I've failed. I'm always there, I try so hard to make myself too easy to need, because I seriously need to be needed. If nobody needs me then I feel like I'm nothing and I get depressed.
I can't seem to figure out why she doesn't need me. Best friends need eachother don't they?
She tells me everything. I always listen. I even wait for her to go to bed before I do - and she's 2 hours behind me. I try my hardest to make sure she never gets lonely without smothering her. I just don't understand how she needs him and not me.
I'd be okay if she needed me too.
But I just don't understand.

From what I've observed, successful relationships are just friendships with romance and intimacy.
After the romance and lust fades away, it's just two really good friends that kiss each other and stuff.
Maybe it's just me or my lack of experience who sees it that way, I dunno.
But I don't feel like her best friend anymore.
I feel like J is, even though she doesn't tell him half as much as she tells me and he's not around as much, either.
And I'm going back to public school soon after being home schooled for a year.
I've been fantasizing about making a ton of friends and making her jealous and worse than I feel, and it makes me feel so shitty for wanting her to feel this bad but I can't help it.
I don't want to end our friendship, because he'll be going to jail soon and she will need me, for however long.
But after that I just don't know. And it kills me. D:

Anyways, girls , if you've made it this far, please help me.
What should I do?
I really want to talk to her about this but I don't know how.
I want her to understand where I'm coming from but I just don't know how.

Thank you sooo much if you read all of that, I know I probably came off as immature but I'm really at a loss in this situation.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Wow, you seem to care about your friend a whole lot. And its obvious that she still cares about you, and I don't think you should stop your friendship. For some people and at some ages, romantic partners are just close friends with a little extra. But for some girls (and this is very common at 16) romantic partners are the ones who make them feel good about themselves because they eliminate their insecurities. I'm sorry, I know you want to be the one to make her feel good about herself, but she's at a very vulnerable time in her life and she needs to hear it from a man. I think that's the reason that she's finding herself to be more dependent on him. Go easy on her, she's at a vulnerable time in her life, and it in no way means she doesn't still care about you or need you.  

[Ramcee]

Kaiyle Brightblade

I do, she's like a sister to me.
Wow, I never really thought of it that way. D:
I kinda thought "Well, she doesn't need me anymore... I will try to. Thank you. :)

Fouxia

Oh damn, that kinda sounds like what I'm doing. gonk
Aww, I'm sorry. D:
I know she can, but the fact that she doesn't just made me feel really bad, you know? xD
Very true, I'll try to remember that.
Haha, I try. xDD
Thank you. ^^  

[doing_her_best694]

From my point of view...
I think you are a very kind person...and you really treasure her so much...I think you should at least give her some space because maybe she's having a problem right now...and time will come that she'll appreciate you more...Just think of this is one of the obstacles to make your friendship stronger...sometimes, we need to be patient...^^  

[Ramcee]

doing_her_best694

Thank you. ^^
Actually, I've tried giving her space, and she gets upset. xD
I was hoping it was just an obstacle, so that's a relief to hear. D:
Touche, I am very impatient when it comes to things like this. xD
Thank you. :)  

[Lustnmisery]

Like the ladies above have said don't end the friendship over a guy who may not always be there. Also I can understand your closeness to her, as well as her closeness to him even thought its online you can really make true friends here. As for the guy I don't fully understand how she can be all head over heels on cloud 9 about him.  

[Ramcee]

Lustnmisery

Neither do I honestly. xD
He is a nice guy but he's kind of a brat. xD
And they fight a lot.
But she does really love him. D:

Vanilla Bunnie

You are a lucky one, when my sister got engaged to her high school sweetie everything kinda started to fall apart.
Hmm. I'll think about that, thanks. :)