Tempting actions...

[Idunn Illustrated]

I haven't posted much because I've been busy with personal studies and work, but I'm facing an issue and would love the assistance from you guys.

So, I've been married for almost a year now and things have been alright. My new sister-in-law-ish (She wed into the family before me) starting posting a Livejournal of her dreams and possible meanings/signs of them. Wonderful! That is awesome and a ton of fun to read!~

However, recently, she's started posting material that is really making me anxious to say the least. It reads in part that "Wiccan vs Sorcery is about the same. What really matters is the skill level and the type of magic." Then going on to touch on why 'white magic' is better than 'black magic.' It's a really short blurb, but it's enough to get me to flare my little engines. At first, I really wanted to just comment on the blog with a beautiful educational post, but then I reflected on what might actually happen...

Our mutual (extremely committed Christian) mother-in-law reads this journal. I'm extremely close to her, but my sister-in-law isn't, due to some hurtful things in the past. In two weeks, I plan to attend my first Merry Meet/Pan-Pagan gathering at the coast. I have also been heavily debating letting my mother in law (who I call Mom) in on the fact that I'm a Neo-Pagan. Yeah, I know, my bad for not mentioning it, but I had given it up when I started dating my current husband years ago-- alas, half a year ago, I was feeling void without my faith system, so I went back..


ANYWAY, I know this'll come up in our next chat or two and it'll likely ruin or severely put a wrench in my plans. Perhaps it's a sign..? I don't really know which way it's pointing if it is. Jump in and use it as a chance to explain what it REALLY is and that the post is a lump of hogwash; potentially defaming my sister-in-law's character once again and starting more drama if she finds out I came out... OR, that I need to keep my mouth shut and see how my Mom takes the posting and test waters a bit before coming out.

I know I don't want to hide this forever from people. I'm proud of who I am, but it just really sucks (for lack of a better word) that this post may potentially mess up my chances for a good heart-to-heart.


I'm sorry I babbled, but this is extremely recent and I came here to vent/babble rather than do it in the sister's blog or her facebook-- in which she might just spill the beans for me in the most tactless way..*sigh*

Any thoughts on this would be amazing..  

[Esiris]

Are you close to your Sister-in-law?  

[Idunn Illustrated]

Esiris

Are you close to your Sister-in-law?

I was, when we first met and the year following. It wasn't until her wedding when she starting becoming insanely sensitive to non-issues such as how others spoke. I attempted to open a line of communication with her which in turn led to a huge misunderstanding and an even larger falling out between her, her husband, and the rest of the family. A really unfortunate matter.

Fast forward nearly two years and things haven't changed much-- maybe a little progress in the past few months. Everyone in the family closely guards what they say and put on the filters when they come over for fear of upsetting them again. It's not open. It's not honest. It's really the type of relationship I hate the most simply because I believe in talking through problems, but the lack of equal gusto towards this notion makes patching up very improbable.

In short, it's complicated and no, I'm not remotely close any more.  

[Fiddlers Green]

To give me better understanding, why do you hold your Mother-in-law in high esteem?  

[kage no neko]

Just how I'm seeing it.. Would your sister-in-law listen to you anyway, or would she ignore what you say and just argue it? Would it be worth the effort?

If not, until the topic comes up and is necessary or you see it's safe, I'd leave things as they are with your mother-in-law.  

[Idunn Illustrated]

Fiddlers Green

To give me better understanding, why do you hold your Mother-in-law in high esteem?

Another long boo-hoo story, but allow me to indulge you to the fullest extent I can offer.


My birth mother, to put it lightly, was a well-rounded abuser of herself and those around her. However, since my other two siblings were either jailed or at their other parent's residence for the majority of my youth-- most of the abuse fell to me.

My boyfriend at the time, and his mom, noticed what was happening to me and pretty much ninja'd me from my mother's house to come stay with them. For a time after that, until I got my own place, my future mother-in-law supported and encouraged me to come out of my shell and realize what had been happening to me. (In the early days after I got out, I defended my mother's actions whole-heartedly.)

Over the past few years, my husband's Mom has become my own Mom because of her immense love and trust for everyone. She's constantly going out of her way for strangers, trying to make herself a better person, and believes in a lot of the same things I believe in. Like right now, she's at the set of Extreme Home Makeover for the Halloween Episode where they are remaking the Nightmare Factory at the School for the Deaf in town. It's their only source of major income for the school-- so she's been working for the last week tirelessly to volunteer for any and all projects so she can help. We're talking working 20 hours a day with her daycare and then going on set to help MORE... She's just an amazing woman.

I know a lot of married women don't like their mother-in-law, but this is a rare exception where my in-laws are considered more my family than my blood relatives.

Hopefully this answers the question you had. Again, I tend to write novels-- forgive me.  

[Idunn Illustrated]

kage no neko

Just how I'm seeing it.. Would your sister-in-law listen to you anyway, or would she ignore what you say and just argue it? Would it be worth the effort?

If not, until the topic comes up and is necessary or you see it's safe, I'd leave things as they are with your mother-in-law.

Thanks for responding.

I don't want to seem catty, so I'm sorry if the following comes off in that sense.

Now that I've seen both the good and bad sides of her personality, I have a bit better understanding. Right now, from my experience with her, she seems like she would either not listen at all or find some way to use that information against me to hurt my bond with the family. We're always being compared and I'm usually coming out with the better favor of the two. Her personality strikes me as the type who can't stand to be seen unless it's in the spotlight, no matter what color may be shining. Meaning, good attention or bad, she always has to do something to keep it on her.

After a long reflection last night, it may just be better for me to with-hold the heart to heart and coming out a while longer.  

[Fiddlers Green]

Thank you for clarifying.
In my experience, respect is a solid foundation for relationships, and may be able to weather differences of opinion fairly well.
That having been established, I tend to suggest people make honest directly, rather than leaving clues where others might find them. If you foresee your religious differences becoming an issue, it may be of benefit to discuss the matter sooner rather than later. Not in a confrontational, or dramatic manner, but rather as a matter of fact. Philosophy often makes a good segue into this. As can life experiences.

From what you have shared, she seems a compassionate and reasoning individual. Do feel she would take great offense at this difference in faith?  

[Idunn Illustrated]

Fiddlers Green

Thank you for clarifying.
In my experience, respect is a solid foundation for relationships, and may be able to weather differences of opinion fairly well.
That having been established, I tend to suggest people make honest directly, rather than leaving clues where others might find them. If you foresee your religious differences becoming an issue, it may be of benefit to discuss the matter sooner rather than later. Not in a confrontational, or dramatic manner, but rather as a matter of fact. Philosophy often makes a good segue into this. As can life experiences.

From what you have shared, she seems a compassionate and reasoning individual. Do feel she would take great offense at this difference in faith?

Thanks for getting back to me. smile

In response to your last question, when I first started staying with her, I still had my tarot deck which I was learning at the time. She found the wrapped deck someplace (can't remember for the life of me, I guess I left it out) and proceeded to freak out. We're not talking small-time, we're talking near tears thinking someone was trying to curse her. Sadly, she and her husband have an insanely misguided idea of what most occult tools and pagan religions are about-- not that I can really blame them for that; it just makes me saddened at time.

Anyway, my personal belief on the matter is that while she may be accepting of personal differences (She has a friend who is 'Wiccan' and is fine with it), once they can potentially be linked to her future grandchildren and her sons, well, Mama gets a little protective..

I can cite and example where this happened and gave me a bit of a red flag. We were getting coffee one morning on our way to school and she started ranting about how her eldest son's wife wasn't Christian and how it'd break their marriage and how she'd have to raise the grandchildren for them, as they wouldn't instill good morals.

Sooooo, yeah. Might be a bit of an issue with her...  

[too2sweet]

Have you considered responding to the SIL's journal using an alt account - that way you can speak your mind, without it "endangering" your relationships with your family?  

[Idunn Illustrated]

too2sweet

Have you considered responding to the SIL's journal using an alt account - that way you can speak your mind, without it "endangering" your relationships with your family?

Ah! No, I hadn't thought of that! That is a wonderful idea! I don't know how widely spread her account is, but seeing as it's Livejournal, I'm sure she'd be tickled pink that anyone posted at all.

That is a wonderful suggestion that hadn't crossed my mind at all! Thank you, Sweet! whee  

[too2sweet]

No problem!! biggrin  

[Fiddlers Green]

Idunnea

Thanks for getting back to me. smile

In response to your last question, when I first started staying with her, I still had my tarot deck which I was learning at the time. She found the wrapped deck someplace (can't remember for the life of me, I guess I left it out) and proceeded to freak out. We're not talking small-time, we're talking near tears thinking someone was trying to curse her. Sadly, she and her husband have an insanely misguided idea of what most occult tools and pagan religions are about-- not that I can really blame them for that; it just makes me saddened at time.

Anyway, my personal belief on the matter is that while she may be accepting of personal differences (She has a friend who is 'Wiccan' and is fine with it), once they can potentially be linked to her future grandchildren and her sons, well, Mama gets a little protective..

I can cite and example where this happened and gave me a bit of a red flag. We were getting coffee one morning on our way to school and she started ranting about how her eldest son's wife wasn't Christian and how it'd break their marriage and how she'd have to raise the grandchildren for them, as they wouldn't instill good morals.

Sooooo, yeah. Might be a bit of an issue with her...

I see.
Hrmmm.
Then matter may be best left alone then.
If you want to introduce it at any point, you may do so slowly, over a course of time, with historical facts, or dropping the occasional bit of trivia. Specifically trivia that would be less disparaging to your own faith.
Delicacy seems to be the watch word here.