"Morning Conversation"

[pandorahopeless]

I remember your ghosts
in the broken light of morning.
They followed you from a night
immense as your childhood.

You spoke to them in syllables
of waterfalls and riverbeds.
In the cement city of my soul
I could only catch the echo
of the butterflies.

They all wait for you
in the corridors of austere stone
where you walk toward them, alone,
even while I hold your heart
against my heart.

As through black water,
I try to follow you,
but your memories have transfigured you,
and I lose you in the dawn
that never breaks.  

[Azal_Son of Anubis]

There's something missing here...I think its continuation of the ideas in the poem. Where you actually excel where others fail, the figurative language, its a tad unclear at times what you mean exactly.

Now the theme is clear,that much is certain. Also, i noticed that verbs are weak. Verbs are key in good poetry, they specify the type of action you do.

The imagery reminds me of a graveyard...With mention of ghosts and cement and black water it sure sounds like it.

I like. But it is so metaphorical, that it needs a step to become INCREDIBLE.