Today's the Day

[evolvingwolf]

Today's the Day
I feel as if today is a good day,
A beautiful day,
With the air clear and strong
I'm learning just how to smile again
And take consideration of my own needs
Today I will smile despite what others say,
No negativity will bring me down
I must start listening to my own heart
And put my health above everything else,
Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual...
Today is a good day,
A beautiful day,
To learn to take things as they come,
Learn how to see the bright future,
How to put one foot in front of the other
Silence can be wonderful
When thoughts must take wing
But I know that if it gets to be too much
There is always music in my soul
Today will be a wonderful day,
A self-fulfilling day,
A day to come into my own
Today I will decide that I'm in charge
Of my own life
And of my own dreams.

 

[Stelle Cadenti]

Line-by-line crit below.

EvolvingWolf

Today's the Day
I feel as if today is a good day, Not the strongest opening, I think there needs to be some poignant imagery here, this opening gives an understated, kind of blase tone.
A beautiful day,
With the air clear and strong you should put punctuation here, and at the ends of the other lines. A full thought ended in a period has more impact.
I'm learning just how to smile again I like this line
And take consideration of my own needs
Today I will smile despite what others say,
No negativity will bring me down
I must start listening to my own heart
And put my health above everything else,the wording is all a bit stark. Like, it could be prose is it wasn't formatted the way it is. Imagery.
Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual...take out the elipses, it leaves the thought hanging at an awkward moment. Maybe add another line to complete it.
Today is a good day,
A beautiful day,I'm a fan of refrains
To learn to take things as they come,
Learn how to see the bright future,
How to put one foot in front of the other again these two lines are lacking imagery
Silence can be wonderfulthis is an abrupt change of thought, there needs to be a lead in.
When thoughts must take wing good
But I know that if it gets to be too much
There is always music in my soul maybe instead of using the word 'music' since it has no context with the rest of the poem, use something like 'beauty?'
Today will be a wonderful day,
A self-fulfilling day, don't like the term 'self-fulfilling' in poetry, it gives the feeling of a self-help text
A day to come into my own
Today I will decide that I'm in charge
Of my own life
And of my own dreams.take out the word 'own' in each of these lines, it'll flow better

 

[EstoPerpetua]

Can't compete with that analysis! I agree with Stelle, imagery is needed (although who am I to complain, most of my work is like that!)

I can't think of anything else to post, but I did kind of like it, despit all of the faults now made obvious to me.  

[evolvingwolf]

Thank you for the critique! When I wrote this poem, I was having a really hard day. I had decided to start taking control of my own life and it came out fairly bland because it really was written like a journal entry. I REALLY appreciate the critique though!!