Dating a chubby chaser...

[.WayneZinok.]

Hey everyone, I doubt any of you know me because I'm fairly inactive on here. (I plan on changing that though!) So I'll just quickly introduce myself. I'm Thea, I'm 5'2 and weigh approximately 145lb and I'm almost 20. (Birthday on the 15th!) My goal weight is 120lb, so I have a ways to go.

So my problem revolves around a boy I've been seeing. The thing is... I found out that he's a chubby chaser. Though he hasn't told me not to lose weight, or anything along those lines, I know that he would prefer if I stayed the way I am, or even gained more. For some reason, instead of this making me more confident it has just shook me up and increased my insecurities.
I don't understand the philosophy behind this one, any ideas? Because I've been with guys who have told me I was too big, and I had the same emotional reaction to the that I am now having with this boy who likes me the way I am.

I still want to lose the weight, and I know he'll like me even if I'm thinner... but now there is this nagging voice at the back of my head telling me not to change. It's almost as if his fetish enabling me to slack off, eat that cookie, not work out, etc. I like him and I don't want to push him away for the sole reason that he is bad for my diet. xD But I just find that since I got involved with him I have lost motivation, yet still feel insecure about my size.

I'm confused as to what to do... If I lose the weight I will feel more secure about my body, but then I might be insecure about him finding me attractive. If I stay the way I am I can be secure in him finding me attractive, but insecure about my body. In either situation I lose!

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar, how they dealt with it, and if you have any insight to why I am feeling this way. Thanks. (:  

[.WayneZinok.]

XxFranticLovexX

Good luck dear <3

If you trust him enough you could talk to him about it. You would have to put your feelings on the table so to speak but if you are comfortable with him and letting him know how you feel then it shouldn't be so bad. Just let him know how you feel about your weight and how you feel about the future of your relationship if you continue to lose weight. Honestly, for this situation honesty and talking about it would probably be the best choice. If he tries to push you toward something you do not want to do just remember that a toxic relationship is not good for anyone.

Thank you for your reply. (:
I have talked to him about it, he knows that I don't like my current weight and that it makes me feel insecure. He isn't actively trying to make me gain weight or not lose or anything like that, and he does like me for more than my body. We don't even have a physical relationship right now.
Just... You'd think that his appreciation of the way I am now would give me confidence and make me feel better about my body. But if anything, it just makes me stress over my weight more. I just didn't understand my emotions right now...  

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

I've also dated chubby chasers.
No matter what they say, just loose the weight.

I didn't loose the weight, and I regret it.

I like myself better skinny...  

[Lady Kayura]

.WayneZinok.

You'd think that his appreciation of the way I am now would give me confidence and make me feel better about my body.

I'm going to guess here that perhaps you aren't getting confidence from him despite his approval of your body is because you innately view your body size as bad. If you view it as bad, shouldn't he?

It sounds like he cares for you and will still care for you no matter what you look like. So do what makes you happiest. If that's staying the same or losing weight.  

[Tandahda]

If he's dating you because you're a bit overweight, its the same as if he were dating you because you were a bit underweight. Your body is your body and you have the right to do whatever you want with it. If that means losing weight that's completely up to you and if he has a problem with it beyond caring about your health (which is sadly a very legitimate concern in our culture when it comes to weight and weight loss).

If he loves you for you, he'll stick around, if he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be and you'll find someone who appreciates you better. Don't change your body for a guy.

Also, my partner was really reluctant to support me in losing weight in the beginning because he thought I looked beautiful (for some reason) but now since I've been losing weight he's changed his mind. : P So your boy-face might find that what he likes about women who are a little overweight has less correlation with body size and more with body shape.  

[Divash]

Without knowing you well, or the other person, or your situation, I can only speak in generalities. But it seems possible that what upsets you isn't that there are people who prefer you thin versus people who prefer you chubby, but rather, that there are people who prefer you at a particular size, regardless of what you actually are and regardless of what you want to be. Those who want you to be thinner are not accepting you as you are; those who want you to stay plump are saying that they too judge you by your appearance.

What you need is someone who is not into a girl of ABC size or XYZ size, but rather, someone who is into you, however you are and however you become. Someone who's willing to take you as you are, and also to let you change if that's what you want to do.  

[out of the woods]

I'm dating one as well, and I would advise to do what makes you feel is the best for you, not what he has a preference for. True loves mean he'll love you and stay with you despite losing the weight. And when you're finally self-confident being at the weight you finally want to be, so many more possibilities in life arise. Also, though I hope nothing ever happens to you, on the chance that this relationship of yours ends, you may have an easier time recovering if you're not still at the weight that makes you uncomfortable. Because it seems chubby chasers are tricky to find these days.

 

[.WayneZinok.]

Thanks for your guys' input. I think that it was that I couldn't accept that someone liked how I am, because I don't like how I am.
But you're all right. Weight loss should be about me, and me feeling good about myself, not about others. I mean, if this was opposite and he wanted me to be thinner it wouldn't have caused this confusion.
I'm going to lose the weight, and do it for myself. (: