Say Goodbye

[evolvingwolf]

Say Goodbye
Tears slide down my cheeks
As pain stabs through my heart
Like a rapier, loneliness plunges deep
Straight to my very core
You are the thing that keeps me going
When life seems dark and drab
Yet when I must say goodbye,
It's like a part of me dies instead
I love you with everything in my soul
My heart is yours to hold
So when I must say adieu
A piece of me goes with you
You've become the thing I live for
The reason I am still around
But when I must say farewell,
My spirit makes an agonizing sound
Despite the despair I feel
Whenever we go our separate ways
I smile at the simple knowing
That again I will see your face.  

[thomulus]

I like your vocabulary, rapier, loneliness, very core, agonizing. All very good words, which are good to have when your writing a non rhyming poem. It makes it seem more poetic to me. I like the ending too smile .  

[EstoPerpetua]

Very touching, I absolutely loved it. I really enjoyed the similes you use:

Quote:

Like a rapier, loneliness plunges deep
Straight to my very core

Very deep and impressionable words. I also like your phrasing, however, (bear in mind I too am guilty of this) with a poem of this calliber, one should not end a phrase with a preposition. In one line you end with the word "for" and start a new thought afterwords. I am being extremely nitpicky here, so it's really no big deal if you neither see it or fix it. Actually, in poetry, it might not be a mistake since you have more freedom with what you right. Ugh, now I have to look it up.


Anyway, it's a great poem, as is most of your work, and I would love to read more!  

[evolvingwolf]

Thank you for the feedback! @kapow123: The reason I ended that one line with the word 'for' is because if I had been writing it as a sentence, it would have been complete. ^_^  

[EstoPerpetua]

ops, sorry about that. My mistake. Even if it were a mistake it's still a great poem. sweatdrop Sorry, again, about that.