My Completed Poems

[thomulus]

These are the 2 poems so far I have published to the Art Arena Please Read them and if you like them follow the link and comment/rate. If you don't....well then don't. smile . Ok here they come  

[thomulus]

Failure to Express

Towards you, I fail to express,
my true feelings, so I digress.
Your so pretty, I can't explain,
your voice it, drives me insane,

So when unto you, I try to speak,
in the halls, I sound so meek,
because I simply, get distracted
because my eyes, they are attracted
to your face.......

Yes your face, it calls me
your deep eyes, are like the sea
Your nose, it is just the right size,
to fight in between, those nice blue eyes.
I hope someday, I can explain,
but until then, I will refrain

from telling you
what is true
i love you heart

http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/poetry-and-lyrics/vote/?entry_id=101984371#title  

[thomulus]

The Good Guy

We've known each other, since sixth grade
I was their the whole time, their in the shade
as you lived your life, and met those guys
with their fancy clothes, and wacked out ties

I've known the whole time, we'd be perfect together
We'd be happy all day, no matter what the weather
but you've never thought, of loving me,
come on girl, why can't you see?

Some of those guys, don't treat you right
if you loved me, I'd be your shining knight
So come on girl why can't you see?
why don't you think of loving me?

I'm the good guy, I'm not like them
that's why I'm writing, this poem
I'd open doors, and buy you flowers
because seeing your face, is like spring showers

You know girl, I'm the right one,
we could have, so much fun,
with fancy dinners, roses, things
and eventually diamond rings

http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/poetry-and-lyrics/vote/?entry_id=101969261#title  

[EstoPerpetua]

I really enjoyed both poems.

The first one, Failure to Express, I liked, but have two minor complaints. The first is that the placement of your commas is a bit off, but that is no huge deal. The second is in the second stanza where you use because twice in a row. This is, again, just a pet peeve of mine that I would like to point out.

Your second poem, The Good Guy, I absolutely adored. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and thought the rhyming was superb (especially since me, myself, and I have absolutely no rhyming capabilities.) I loved you comparing yourself to a shining knight, since it goes back to heroes, good guys, and the like. The ending was great; if diamond rings were to follow, the title of this poem certainly "rings" (forgive the bad humor) true.