When s**t hits the fan [Help?]

[TaInT3D_cUpCaK3]

Well.
I am currently in a long distant relationship with a person nearly 4000 miles away. (im in Washington, he is in Florida). I havent been technically dating him until earlier this month, but i've been in the weird stage between being just friends and a couple for a few months. That stage where you both like each other very much, and know that you want to be with the, but time is needed to test things out.

Anyways.

We had a serious conversation last night about our relationship. I dont want to push him or whatever, cause it makes him angry, but I want to get to know his family, and him to know mine. Or even if his parents knew About me. I guess thats where our problem lies.

He is afraid to tell his parents he is dating a girl he has met online.

Why?

Because his ex girl friend (its been well over a year) he met online, not a long distance relationship by any means, but that relationship was hell on him. (one of the reasons I had to wait very patiently for him to ask me out.) His mother is now very taboo on the thought of him dating another girl he met online.

So i am kept a secret from his friends and family.

Another problem is, apparently his mom has a girl picked out who she thinks he should be with, and he doesn't want to break his moms heart by completely killing the idea, and also going against her LDR policy.

I really wanna be able to visit him. And with things how they are, I never will, or if I do, all hell is going to break loose.

Another problem with this is a friend (that will remain anomonous)
I have a weird bond with this friend, who yes is a guy. When me and my boy friend were on the phone I stopped texting him, and he got really on edge. Jealous. Informed me I was abandoning him to be with my boy friend (whome still doesnt know that im dating him because i dont wanna lose a friend)

So. I guess what I need advice on is;
How do I help convince him that he should tell his friends and family about me?
Whats a good way to fill the shoes of the girl his mom wants him to be with?
How do I deal with his mother once she does find out he is going behind her back to date someone in a way she is strictly against?
What should I do about my friends jealousy?
And How do I break the news to the friend without making things to weird and rocky between us?

 

[TaInT3D_cUpCaK3]

T.T  

[TaInT3D_cUpCaK3]

no one? damn. so much for thinking i can get advice.
that sucks  

[Anabethe]

You have to be patient. You can't expect someone to answer to a post within a few seconds.
But anyways, I will assume that you guys are 18 or over 18. If he doesn't want to date this girl that his mom picked for him then he should just tell her. Yes his mom might feel a little offended that he shut down the idea but at the end of the day he's the one who gets to choose who he wants to be with. And yes his relationship might have ended badly with someone he met online but his mother has to understand that not everyone online is that way. He could have the same luck with a girl he doesn't meet online. He should not feel embarrassed telling his mother about you. Again I'm assuming you are 18. What can his mother possibly do about it? disagree? He will have to make a choice. Either he tells his mom about you or I don't see how this relationship will work if you guys could never meet because of this obstacle.  

[TaInT3D_cUpCaK3]

yes. i am 18. he is 22.
And those were my exact thoughts. but i really do have strong feelings for him. But i want to be able to visit him without having to hide out in a hotel room. -grumbles-
Or to be able to have a conversation with his mom.
Or his best friend.
The way he talks about her... I really would like her i think.
but he isnt exactly giving me the chance to prove my worth.
It so happens, best friend is moms pick.
-sighs-
And i didnt mean to seem impatient. i just hadnt expected it to take a few days to get a reply.  

[Anabethe]

TaInT3D_cUpCaK3

yes. i am 18. he is 22.
And those were my exact thoughts. but i really do have strong feelings for him. But i want to be able to visit him without having to hide out in a hotel room. -grumbles-
Or to be able to have a conversation with his mom.
Or his best friend.
The way he talks about her... I really would like her i think.
but he isnt exactly giving me the chance to prove my worth.
It so happens, best friend is moms pick.
-sighs-
And i didnt mean to seem impatient. i just hadnt expected it to take a few days to get a reply.

I apologize but if he is 22 he should not be worrying about what his mother thinks. He is acting like a kid. You need to have a serious talk with him and if he decides that you are not worth meeting his mother dump him. How long does he plan on hiding you.  

[TaInT3D_cUpCaK3]

He... really adores his mother.
And wants to make her happy...
And I planned on having a serious talk with him
If its the case, that he dont want me to meet her, then i will.
I dont want to be a closet GF.
Idk for how long.  

[Anabethe]

He could adore his mother but it doesn't mean he has to do everything that she says. Again this is his life. It's not about what his mother wants. I hope that you are able to knock some sense into him.  

[Charms26]

meleny7

He could adore his mother but it doesn't mean he has to do everything that she says. Again this is his life. It's not about what his mother wants. I hope that you are able to knock some sense into him.

I completely agree with this. I can understand not wanting to disappoint your parents, and in his case its his mom, but he's twenty-flipping-two. It's his life, so his mom will have to deal with it whether she likes it or not. >=|
I do hope you're able to work it out with him though.
LDRs are tough - I've been through one, but thankfully, we're living together now - so don't loose all hope right away. If he doesn't change his mind soon, as in by summer break I'd say, you might what to consider letting him go. =[
OR you could show up as a surprise and try to assuage his fears of his mom and friends finding out. That's your call though. Just thought I'd throw it out there as a sort of last effort type deal.

As for your friend, if you're really as close as you say you are, you should probably just tell him. If he finds out you were keeping it from him, it might make the situation worse. Just do it gently, and let him know that even though you do have a boyfriend, you aren't abandoning him or anything. You just have to manage your time differently now.
Maybe after you have told him, you could even talk to him about the problem you and your boyfriend are having, see if he has any insight he could give you?

 

[TaInT3D_cUpCaK3]

@ Meleny;; I think, i did a pretty good job at it the night before last. He is going to tell her about me soon.

@ Charms;;

Heh, i dont plan on losing any hope, I planned on visiting during summer break. Ive talked to him slightly about it, but not enough to really confirm anything. It always comes back to his mother. Though, My mom doesnt exactly approve of him either. She is trying to get me to be unfaithful. pffft. like that will ever happen.
The surprising thing probably wouldnt work, im a country girl, whose never been out of the state of Washington, and who doesnt like "Big City" Life. Seattle scares the hell outta me, let alone Jacksonville Florida. I would probably end up hiding out somewhere. xD

I did tell him.
My friend that is.
He took it... rather roughly.
He really doesnt like my boy. Says he treats me like s**t.
(not true)
But, thankfully he said it was my choice, and he would support me in any way he could.
I would rather not talk to him about my troubles with Bryan. It will just give him more reason to dislike him...

But thank you Meleny.
And Charms  

[ManiacSpiderDoll13]

Alright. Here's the thing, if he can't tell his family OR friends about you...then he's lying to everyone really. I'm not saying that he's totally lying on purpose.

And he's 22. He should be able to tell his mother that he doesn't want to date the other girl.

And your friend needs to realize that he never got in line. He is your FRIEND. He can't act like that.  

[Anabethe]

I'm glad everything is working out for you.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Its sweet that he adores his mother, but he's not being fair to you. He cares about you, right? Is he ashamed of being with you? Where exactly is this relationship going if he doesn't tell his mother? You can't come visit. He can't visit you. Your relationship can never progress to the next level.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be a little upset. And I'd tell him that, and ask him the questions I asked you. Bottom line is that if he doesn't tell his mother, he's leading you on.

Oh, about the friend issue. If you haven't told him you are dating someone, tell him. If you have, stress how happy your boyfriend makes you. If your friend can't be happy for you, he's no friend of yours. You're in a relationship now, and that means making time for your boyfriend. Sometimes your friends get excluded. But they shouldn't always be excluded. Remember to make some time for your friends, and you should be fine.