Interweb Bf vs. RL... CONFUSION! Advice & Harsh Comments...

[Anesthesic Heart]

....wanted!! please.... someone help me snap out of this never ending emotional roller coaster...i feel like im missing something here! :[



Ok, so... this is going to sound pretty lame right off the bat, and i get that, but..!

There was this kid i dated online for over a year... started back in may of '08 and broke up last year in Nov. '09 when he cheated on me for like the 3rd time in a row... yes, mind u it was on an online game... but i did take it to heart. For there was soooooooooo many things we exchanged between that amount of time... i thought we were close and our relationship meant something... even though it was a long distance relationship, i fell in love with him.

i still love him ><

i did have a boyfriend in rl a couple times, so dont think i dont know what a real relationship is. and what is creepy is i didnt have any real feelings for them... only for this one kid i dated after that lived like a thousand miles away, lol


anyways, ill try and sum up everything here in quick facts that sort of left him making an impression on me: ((highlighted them so u can easily skip over them if u want and read the last bit))

------------------------------------------------------------

may '08-started "dating"
july '08- added him on facebook
aug '08- we both went to iowa's state fair... thought we saw each other, but couldnt get away from our families to say 'hi'. and i cried on the whole plane flight going back home, lol

dec '08-jan'09- his mom adds me on facebook
-i send him a box full of gifts for xmas:: a scarf i knitted ( he told me to stitch our initials at the bottom of it, so i did), his favorite manga, a few drawings of his favorite character, a roxas wristband i sewed and used to wear around at school... it had a "secret compartment" that i stuck a note inside and sent to him... hmm what else?

-we start talking on the phone~ he told me he loved the gifts and couldnt stop reading my note

-his mom msgs me asking when im coming to visit and said "..with your parents of course. i promised u all a good time :] "

feb '09- he "cheats" on me and leaves me for the first time.... out of the blue. dated someone else for a week... then he and i got back together on valentines day.

march '09-
-his mom is still talking to me, wished me a happy birthday
- he and i started txting~ would always suprise me at school with a "hello!" and whatnot... or txt me whenever he wasnt at home and could talk to me on the computer

april '09
-dad takes away txting because the phone bill was high, lol
-my bf gets disappointed thinking i dont wanna talk to him or something and im making excuses
-starts complaining im never on and never wanna talk to him, even though i try explaining to him over and over that i am out with family and im not thinking that way at all

may '09
-we break up again... wasnt sure why, he got mad at me for something utterly ridiculous...
-a few days later i was asked out by someone else
- my ex forgot he broke up with me, then accused me of cheating on him with this new bf, lol
-i break up with the new bf and chase after him
-we get back together in a week

june '09
- i had to leave for church camp for a few days
- on the night i was packing to leave, he calls me and tells me "i love u" for the first time we have ever been together
- i was at a lost for words and got cold sweat for not being able to get myself to speak
-called him back the next morning as i was leaving... he was at work so couldnt pick up... and i left him a voice msg to tell him "i love u" too and that i was going to miss him... yaddayaddayadda

august '09
-he starts flirting around with other girls

sept '09
-schools arleady slamming me with hw, so im barely able to be on and talk to him
-he of course complains and whines, so i try telling him why
-he doesnt seem to understand... then accuses me of being the one whining

nov '09
-he cheats and leaves me again for someone else
-accused me for being clingly, when i would let him be the one to msg me first


---------------------------------------------------------
off and on since, he would still msg me telling me he still loves me

and apologize for ever treating me the way he did... he used to tell me that i was the only one that kept him going... he threatened suicide.

or that we are no more than friends....which confuses me

still asks me to make him drawings of his avi

and just recently asked if i could draw him and his gf, and i said "NO"

... i know it sounds silly, but cant get myself to do that after all of this has happend ----^

too many other details are there that ive left out....
we've exchanged things with each other that weve kept only between us about ourselves and people in our life...


Anyway, where ALLLLL of this is leading to

Even after he has cheated on me and did/said some pretty ridiculous things...
acts and says childish things... i still miss him =/

every now and again i go on this emotional roller coaster... some days im ok, happy and engrossed with school and friends...

other days, out of the blue im thinking of him and hearing his voice running thru my head... repeating over old phone calls... funny things he said to make me smile and whatnot...

he.... matured me... see things in a whole different perspective... i felt like he taught me what true love was.

but unfortunately... it seems i was the only person affected in the relationship... experiencing all these things... and the time just flew by his face with no real significance.

am i wrong to be feeling this way? to still care? over someone i wasnt actually with in rl, but still kept in touch long distance?

i feel like ive lost someone special and dont know how to cope

ive "grown-up" but he is still stuck in that childish 10 yr old mentality...

maybe thats why he and i dont see things in the same light?

.. or am i just being stupid overall

btw when i say childish, i mean
-whining for not making it on to talk to him: he thinks u "hate him" or "avoiding him"
-after complaining u dont talk to him enough and u do start talking to him... he accuses u for being "clingly"
-threatens to break up if u are not on for more than a few days
- is a total perv
- is obsessed with gaia... his mind is wrapped up in this game... forks over money like nobody's business to make his avi the "BEST OBITO" ... or whatever other Naruto character cosplayer there is out there 8D!!

.... the list goes on and on, but i think u get the point.

oh yeah, and lastly... he made this deal with me that if we ever found somebody else in real life, we would break up and go out with that person...

and all the while he kept chasing after this one girl and telling me about it....

i felt uneasy not knowing if he was going to "be there today, gone tomorrow" kind of thing...



anyways... advice?  

[Hester Peche]

Move on. It's a simple as that. Sever all ties with him and get on with your life.

Block him out, and find someone else who you can have a "real" relationship with--even if it's just a friend. You know someone you can see and touch.

I understand it hurt but, heartbreak is part of growing up. Take what you learned from this relationship and use it to make your future relationships better.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Its hard to turn a successful relationship into a long distance internet one. Its even harder to form a successful real relationship with only long distance internet contact. It sounds like he may be suffering the stress of never seeing you, never having any real interaction with you, and never taking the relationship to the next step.

I don't think you guys can make this work long distance. It takes extreme discipline to make this sort of thing work, and I just don't think he has it. If you are really this serious about him, then plan for the future. I mean when you are both 18, take trips to see each other. If you are really serious about each other after meeting, talk about moving to the same town.

Keep looking forward to the time you guys are old enough to make your own choices and have a real relationship. But in the meantime I would advise you to forget about him. Try to go out with some people who live near you. The most important part is to have minimal contact with him. You absolutely cannot get over someone if you talk to him every day.  

[Matron Mord Sith]

Online relationships=fail in my opinion. If it were me, I'd let him go and give myself time so that I can get over him. Then I'd be able to grow attached to another guy.  

[Anesthesic Heart]

hey, thanks guys... u were all really helpful, and i appreciate your input.
thanks for leveling with me... u have no idea how much pain this has put me thru, and especially with.....really no one to turn to in rl to talk about it...

its helped put an end to most of my confusion, and it feels as though a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. ^.^

this... probably shouldnt be a big deal, looking at it in the long run..

but when u are living in the moment... it is the roughest thing to deal with and it does become a big deal

i will do my best and avoid him and let go, though

so far he has been deleted from my facebook... so hopefully he wont msg me

phone numbers and address "burned" ((thrown away/deleted)) ... his mom and best friend however... i still cant get myself to remove them from my friends list.

ighh.... i will tho ^.^"

anyway... there is someone else i have in rl thats been there kinda waiting around for something to happen... he is a really sweet kid that goes to my church. and is the definition of SHY lol

his mom says he talks about me all the time.... lol, so i guess that should say something, right? ^.^

but yeah... thanks again!

love u all :]  

[Anesthesic Heart]

Kaiyle Brightblade

Its hard to turn a successful relationship into a long distance internet one. Its even harder to form a successful real relationship with only long distance internet contact. It sounds like he may be suffering the stress of never seeing you, never having any real interaction with you, and never taking the relationship to the next step.

I don't think you guys can make this work long distance. It takes extreme discipline to make this sort of thing work, and I just don't think he has it. If you are really this serious about him, then plan for the future. I mean when you are both 18, take trips to see each other. If you are really serious about each other after meeting, talk about moving to the same town.

Keep looking forward to the time you guys are old enough to make your own choices and have a real relationship. But in the meantime I would advise you to forget about him. Try to go out with some people who live near you. The most important part is to have minimal contact with him. You absolutely cannot get over someone if you talk to him every day.

we have talked about visiting each other and even college.

and, your absolutely right... he doesnt have that kind of discipline.

plus your also right about the minimal contact... whenever he sends me a msg alone, like he did a few days ago, it always makes my heart ache.... sometimes i wish he would just disappear and leave me alone.

yeah.... im just going to keep moving forward.

graduating this year and off to college. ((cant waittt! ^.^))

who knows....... maybe if it was meant to be he would come back in the future?

but thats wishful thinking.... :]  

[nine-step waltz]

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
The only thing I can think to add is that when ever a man cheats on you, in real life or other wise, it's time to say get out of my life. Hun, no one deserves to settle for sharing when it comes to relationships like this. Good men are good men, dogs with sweet breathe and clean fur are still dogs.
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

 

[ThePsychoBitch]

I say move on with life. Just forget about him. Once you find a new guy and date him (one that goes to you school might be the best) you wont think about him anymore.

I once "dated" someone over the internet. That lasted about 2 months and I left him for a good reason then never got back with him. He came to California (where I live) and he was about 5 minutes from me and DIDN'T come visit me. Right after than he was a complete a** to me. I told him I found someone else and didn't want him anymore. He tried and tried to get back with me but I was going out with the other guy I found. I'm still with this guy today and I love him dearly. Going on 6 months, it's pretty good from going from a slut to a girl that loves one guy and one guy only.

Before you go out with another guy, make sure you have things in common and make sure that he's not leading you on and wont leave you randomly for stupid things. You can usually tell by their attitude towards you. Most importantly make sure that he wont cheat on you and he loves you for you not for just what you look like. Don't ever be afraid to ask him questions.

 

[Anesthesic Heart]

yeah, kinda sounds like the same thing i did too..

and thank you

.. i love love love all the feedback im getting

now im really convinced.... he isnt worth it! =D

i am taking my leave, and moving on ^.^

Ingou

Eff this guy! It sounds like he wants you to be his "sometimes" girlfriend, meaning he wants to date you when he's got the time for it or if the other relationship he was in doesn't work.

Never become a second. You're better than that.

You need to just leave him in the dust. It's going to hurt and at time you'll want to talk to him, but it's for the better. I had an ex who always ran back to me when things weren't going right in his life. He messed up relationships I had with a few people. I cut him out of my life because he said not-so-nice things about my boyfriend (at the time, we're not together anymore). At times I want to tell him that he was right about what he said, but I know better. If I talk to him, it's only going to make him think that he can run back to me again when he feels like.

Online relationships seem easier because you never really have to meet that person at that moment and you can share really personal things. Trust me, real life relationships are great. They may not seem that way at first, but it takes a bit of time.

I hope you find a great guy near you and that the online guy realizes what he's missing out on, but it'll be too late for him

 

[Liviania]

I'm glad you're managing to move on. ^_^ This guy was bad news. Threatening to break up with you when you aren't doing what he wants is controlling behavior, and anyone who cheats will do it again, as you learned.  

[KittyLoverGirl239]

x_ n a m i n e 1 8

....wanted!! please.... someone help me snap out of this never ending emotional roller coaster...i feel like im missing something here! :[



Ok, so... this is going to sound pretty lame right off the bat, and i get that, but..!

There was this kid i dated online for over a year... started back in may of '08 and broke up last year in Nov. '09 when he cheated on me for like the 3rd time in a row... yes, mind u it was on an online game... but i did take it to heart. For there was soooooooooo many things we exchanged between that amount of time... i thought we were close and our relationship meant something... even though it was a long distance relationship, i fell in love with him.

i still love him ><

i did have a boyfriend in rl a couple times, so dont think i dont know what a real relationship is. and what is creepy is i didnt have any real feelings for them... only for this one kid i dated after that lived like a thousand miles away, lol


anyways, ill try and sum up everything here in quick facts that sort of left him making an impression on me: ((highlighted them so u can easily skip over them if u want and read the last bit))

------------------------------------------------------------

may '08-started "dating"
july '08- added him on facebook
aug '08- we both went to iowa's state fair... thought we saw each other, but couldnt get away from our families to say 'hi'. and i cried on the whole plane flight going back home, lol

dec '08-jan'09- his mom adds me on facebook
-i send him a box full of gifts for xmas:: a scarf i knitted ( he told me to stitch our initials at the bottom of it, so i did), his favorite manga, a few drawings of his favorite character, a roxas wristband i sewed and used to wear around at school... it had a "secret compartment" that i stuck a note inside and sent to him... hmm what else?

-we start talking on the phone~ he told me he loved the gifts and couldnt stop reading my note

-his mom msgs me asking when im coming to visit and said "..with your parents of course. i promised u all a good time :] "

feb '09- he "cheats" on me and leaves me for the first time.... out of the blue. dated someone else for a week... then he and i got back together on valentines day.

march '09-
-his mom is still talking to me, wished me a happy birthday
- he and i started txting~ would always suprise me at school with a "hello!" and whatnot... or txt me whenever he wasnt at home and could talk to me on the computer

april '09
-dad takes away txting because the phone bill was high, lol
-my bf gets disappointed thinking i dont wanna talk to him or something and im making excuses
-starts complaining im never on and never wanna talk to him, even though i try explaining to him over and over that i am out with family and im not thinking that way at all

may '09
-we break up again... wasnt sure why, he got mad at me for something utterly ridiculous...
-a few days later i was asked out by someone else
- my ex forgot he broke up with me, then accused me of cheating on him with this new bf, lol
-i break up with the new bf and chase after him
-we get back together in a week

june '09
- i had to leave for church camp for a few days
- on the night i was packing to leave, he calls me and tells me "i love u" for the first time we have ever been together
- i was at a lost for words and got cold sweat for not being able to get myself to speak
-called him back the next morning as i was leaving... he was at work so couldnt pick up... and i left him a voice msg to tell him "i love u" too and that i was going to miss him... yaddayaddayadda

august '09
-he starts flirting around with other girls

sept '09
-schools arleady slamming me with hw, so im barely able to be on and talk to him
-he of course complains and whines, so i try telling him why
-he doesnt seem to understand... then accuses me of being the one whining

nov '09
-he cheats and leaves me again for someone else
-accused me for being clingly, when i would let him be the one to msg me first


---------------------------------------------------------
off and on since, he would still msg me telling me he still loves me

and apologize for ever treating me the way he did... he used to tell me that i was the only one that kept him going... he threatened suicide.

or that we are no more than friends....which confuses me

still asks me to make him drawings of his avi

and just recently asked if i could draw him and his gf, and i said "NO"

... i know it sounds silly, but cant get myself to do that after all of this has happend ----^

too many other details are there that ive left out....
we've exchanged things with each other that weve kept only between us about ourselves and people in our life...


Anyway, where ALLLLL of this is leading to

Even after he has cheated on me and did/said some pretty ridiculous things...
acts and says childish things... i still miss him =/

every now and again i go on this emotional roller coaster... some days im ok, happy and engrossed with school and friends...

other days, out of the blue im thinking of him and hearing his voice running thru my head... repeating over old phone calls... funny things he said to make me smile and whatnot...

he.... matured me... see things in a whole different perspective... i felt like he taught me what true love was.

but unfortunately... it seems i was the only person affected in the relationship... experiencing all these things... and the time just flew by his face with no real significance.

am i wrong to be feeling this way? to still care? over someone i wasnt actually with in rl, but still kept in touch long distance?

i feel like ive lost someone special and dont know how to cope

ive "grown-up" but he is still stuck in that childish 10 yr old mentality...

maybe thats why he and i dont see things in the same light?

.. or am i just being stupid overall

btw when i say childish, i mean
-whining for not making it on to talk to him: he thinks u "hate him" or "avoiding him"
-after complaining u dont talk to him enough and u do start talking to him... he accuses u for being "clingly"
-threatens to break up if u are not on for more than a few days
- is a total perv
- is obsessed with gaia... his mind is wrapped up in this game... forks over money like nobody's business to make his avi the "BEST OBITO" ... or whatever other Naruto character cosplayer there is out there 8D!!

.... the list goes on and on, but i think u get the point.

oh yeah, and lastly... he made this deal with me that if we ever found somebody else in real life, we would break up and go out with that person...

and all the while he kept chasing after this one girl and telling me about it....

i felt uneasy not knowing if he was going to "be there today, gone tomorrow" kind of thing...



anyways... advice?

well, I know how u feel, on another site a guy was datin me to get to my guy friends...but this is more complex, just txt him and say: Look, I like u, and i really want to be with u, but i cant it is just too stress-ful. tell him how u really feel. if he doesnt stop just dump the guy and get on with ur life im really sorry...