Well I recently confessed a crush to a guy friend I had. After a long series of bad relationships, I thought I finally liked someone who wouldnt be a either a jerk, or very wrong for me. We aren't in a relationship, but rather in that between stage where you just like each other. We talk all the time but about 3 weeks into it he's talking about what would happen if we got married (We're both 18 ) and its been a little over a month now and he's saying he loves me and never wants to be with anyone else, and he means it too (I'm the first girl who he has liked who actually likes him back). Its sweet and all, but now Im thinking this is going way too many places way too fast. I dont know what to tell him to get him to stop without sounding terribly mean. At this rate my feelings for him wont last much longer. I know I should woman-up and just tell him, but truthfully im terrible when it comes to being brutally honest. So im trying to find a way around it. Can I get some advice?
Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:47 am
I had this problem a few times before. Sit him down to a long talk and gently break it to him. It will hurt at first but it'll be better in the long run.
Just sit him down and gently tell him how you feel.
Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 5:19 pm
It seems to me that slow and steady wins the race in this situation.
Start off with something swell and jokingly like "Say, if we're married or anything that were really be different wouldn't it... Hmm, maybe we should just take it slowly first, you know?"
I don't know about brutal, but you should definitely be honest. Tell him things are going a little too fast for you. Remind him that you are both young and there are lots of things you should do together before you make a lifelong commitment. For example, a date. He obviously likes you a lot but he's expressing it in all of the wrong ways. It sounds like he doesn't have much experience with girlfriends, right? See if you can get him excited about more normal things for a high school couple to do, like going on dates and parties and dances. But above all do tell him that its too soon to talk about marriage.
Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 11:02 am
I kinda forgot to mention this is a long distance thing. (We live about an hour drive from each other, which isnt THAT long but long enough to make it inconvenient) Also we're not in highschool. We're both in college. And another development has presented itself! Im going on an exchange program to Mexico next year. (I live in the USA)
Im planning on telling him on Friday. Wish me luck girls.
i agree with everyone else. Just tell him it's moving way too fast for you- gently, but firm. And good luck!!! congrats about the exchange, thats so cool!
Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:24 pm
The fact that he's already openly discussing marriage BEFORE you two are even dating or romantically involved is already a huge red flag. And his "I love you and don't want to be with anyone else" is another huge red flag.
These are guys you do not want to associate with. I knew a guy who was like that as well. He started telling me he wanted to have children with me and even started calling me "wifey" when we weren't even dating (I didn't even like him). Chances are if you start dating him (or if you do get married), he will turn out to be a very possessive freak who will constantly want your attention. And when he doesn't get it, he'll say, "You don't love me anymore."
I know I sound a bit too hard on the poor guy, but like I said earlier, these are guys you do not want to associate yourself with. With some people, brutal is the way to go (you know him better than I do, so use your own judgement).
Oh. I didn't realize it was a long distance relationship. Well you should still tell him that talking about marriage is making you uncomfortable. Its the truth, its not hurtful, and it should get the message across.
Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 7:12 pm
Well, ive never had a boyfriend, but i know that u should calming sit down with him and talk. Tell him that u really like him, but u may be going pretty fast, and that u need to slow down and enjoy being together, or else u might get married and divorce. Make sure u get to know each other 100% before u make a move, even if ur 2 young. okay?
Reply
