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 Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:21 am
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A/N: This is something I've just written - literally, just written - and I just want to add now that it does mention pretty heavily stuff about suicide, self-harm and depression. I just want to let you guys know, I know they're kind of sensitive subjects but I hope you guys like this anyway and any constructive criticism would be awesome.
MIRACLE BEN
The warm red blood oozed down over my arms, legs and stomach, staining the bed sheets beneath me as tears slipped down my cheeks. I wanted to scream and punch and kick – anything to make someone else feel this pure uncontrollable agony that not even the strongest person could dismiss. Fire burned through my veins as they bled dry, my hands shaking violently as the blade slipped between my fingers, covered in blood from where it had cut into my hands as I clutched it tightly.
At my feet, lightly dusted with small splotches of my blood lay the collage I had made... My Chemical Romance with the caption “Nothing is worth hurting yourself over... We promised you’d be ok and that the vampires would never hurt you.”, the quote from Simple Plan – “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Don’t wanna hear you!” – and of course, one lone picture of my boyfriend, Ben with a speech bubble that held the words “& she’s TERRIFIED to get close to anyone because EVERYONE left her ... except me”.
I cried even harder as I looked at those beautiful blue eyes that seemed to sparkle even when caught on camera – those blue eyes represented everything I had ever held dear to my black broken heart. What would they look like once he knew I was dead? They wouldn’t sparkle any more ... they would only show the pain and anguish he felt that I had now betrayed him. I had never promised him that I wouldn’t commit suicide but it still felt like I’d betrayed him by doing this – he’d always loved me completely unconditionally. He held my hand when they stitched me together because I didn’t trust them enough to look away, he helped me visualize a beautiful Utopia for just him and I – and our gray cat Sebastian – when I couldn’t sleep, who would clean the cuts then bandage my arms and seal it with a soft kiss, who would wipe away the tears and stroke my hair until I calmed down – who saved me from myself, who was my miracle.
Miracle... One more miracle Ben... I thought to myself before I carefully manoeuvred myself around so I could reach my mobile phone. One bar left of battery, just enough to get him over here. I shakily dialled his number and pressed the green phone before bringing it to my ear, biting back a scream as the cuts on my forearm were stretched. It rang three times before his beautiful voice met my ears.
“What is it sweetie? What’s happening?” he yawned. This vaguely reminded me it was sometime in the early morning.
“I w-wasn’t thinking... So sharp... Stop the bweeding... Ben...” I was beginning to grow light-headed.
“Baby? What’s happened?! What have you done?! Oh God, what did you let her do? I’ll be right there okay, I’ll call an ambulance for you okay just hold on for me alright?” he replied urgently.
I slurred back a response before the phone slipped from my hand and fell to the floor. I could hear his frantic cries for me to say something before he hung up and my phone beeped dully as the battery slowly died, like the battery of my life as everything slowly faded to black...
A/N: So let me know what you guys thought and also, here's a link to the collage - it's not complete because obviously Ben is fictitious so I can't take a picture of him for it but yeah, thanks for reading guys ^L^ heart CBL
Bree's Collage
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Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 8:40 am
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