new song i just finished

[Old Fashion Cliche]

i just need to record it. i resume rerecording my 2nd EP next week

Goodbye city lights
It's been good, but that's a lie
Don't miss me, I won't miss you
And now there's nothing else to do

But say goodbye to those city lights
I'll come back, but that's a lie
Don't expect to hear from me
Finally out and I am free

The bright lights
Of the city
Always block out
What you can see
The bright lights
Of the city
Always block out
All your dreams

All I really need is my girl
Then we're free to roam the world
It doesn't matter where we'll be
Because love is all you really need

Love's the strength to carry on
I can't wait until we're gone
Away from all those city lights
Which give me all those sleepless nights

The bright lights
Of the city
Always block out
What you can see
The bright lights
Of the city
Always block out
All your dreams

The bright lights
Of the city
Always block out
What you can see
The bright lights
Of the city
Always block out
All your dreams

Goodbye city lights
It's been good, but that's a lie
Don't miss me, I won't miss you
And now there's nothing else to do

But say goodbye to those city lights
I'll come back, but that's a lie
Don't expect to hear from me
Finally out and I am free  

[PolityOfQueens]

Since when do "light" and "lie" rhyme?
Or "city" and "can see"?  

[Protecter_Soul]

Ekeda

Since when do "light" and "lie" rhyme?
Or "city" and "can see"?

Who said it had to rhyme?  

[PolityOfQueens]

Protecter_Soul

Ekeda

Since when do "light" and "lie" rhyme?
Or "city" and "can see"?

Who said it had to rhyme?

Given that the second two lines of each part rhyme, it seems as if it's supposed to have an AABB rhyme scheme.
At the very least, it's implied.  

[AoibhealDragonheart]

Just because some lines seem to rhyme doesn't mean it all has to rhyme, sometimes two lines rhyme by complete and total accident.

...

Now On This Night I normally love your lyrics, you're really good at writing them you really are, I mean it. But I don't know why but this song just didn't seem to flow when I was reading it, normally when I read lyrics without ever hearing music behind them I can normally get a beat or a tune in my head behind them but I couldn't with this one.

Everything just seemed jumbled together and sveral different tunes and beats appear to be thrown in there in my mind, whether thats what you had planned or not I don't know, its just what I hear in my head when I try to picture someone singing to this song. As well the words make it appear like you threw these words together in like five minutes. I don't know how long you normally take to write lyrics but it appears to be sloppy.

Now don't get me wrong, it's good. I like the way you word some things but I think it needs some work. *shrugs*

But if you're going to record it without revising or whatever then do that you know, I'm not stopping you. I'm just giving my opinion, you can scrap it if you want but I just thought I'd let you know what I thought. After all a little bit of constructive critism never hurt anybody.

(:  

[Old Fashion Cliche]

Ekeda

Since when do "light" and "lie" rhyme?
Or "city" and "can see"?

when your older you'll learn to rhyme with similar sounds and not just elementary school rhymes.

like light and lie both use the same long "i" sound.
and city and see both end with the long "e" sound.(which i guess is a regular rhyme, idk why you complained)

i'll have it recorded next week. sometimes they dont appear as good without music.  

[PolityOfQueens]

On This Night

when your older you'll learn to rhyme with similar sounds and not just elementary school rhymes.

Is this really a good time for personal attacks?

On This Night

i'll have it recorded next week. sometimes they dont appear as good without music.

I suppose I'll have to hear it recorded in order for it to sound good to me.  

[Old Fashion Cliche]

Ekeda

On This Night

when your older you'll learn to rhyme with similar sounds and not just elementary school rhymes.

Is this really a good time for personal attacks?

On This Night

i'll have it recorded next week. sometimes they dont appear as good without music.

I suppose I'll have to hear it recorded in order for it to sound good to me.

dont bash on advance rhyme schemes then  

[PolityOfQueens]

On This Night

Ekeda

On This Night

when your older you'll learn to rhyme with similar sounds and not just elementary school rhymes.

Is this really a good time for personal attacks?

On This Night

i'll have it recorded next week. sometimes they dont appear as good without music.

I suppose I'll have to hear it recorded in order for it to sound good to me.

dont bash on advance rhyme schemes then

If you answer my question, you'll look less like a pretentious jerk.