Okay, he completely threw me off with this...

[Shimo Kousetsu]

Well. Last night I was on the phone with Thomas, my best friend, for almost three hours. I hadn't been able to get in touch with him for about four hours before he answered that time, and I started sobbing the second he did. (I'd been having quite a bad day week, and he helps me deal with it. He's gone through pretty much the exact same thing.)

So we talked.
And talked.
And talked some more.
At one point I told him about how my mom had threatened to either send me to my aunt and uncle's house in Maryland over winter break or put me in a mental hospital. We both think that, short term, me going away would be good, but long term it might make things worse. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet, but he told me, "If you decide not to go, we'll do stuff together. A lot. I promise. And even if you do go, right when you get back we'll go do something." He really does make me feel safe and protected.

Then it was 12:30, and we decided to go to sleep, but then got distracted again. (It's our special skill.) At this point he was trying to convince me of something and explain stuff to me by going into detail about stuff in his past. He doesn't talk about his past. I'm aware that I'm the only person he has told about it, so I'm not going to go into details, but it was really serious. He also talked about his parents' past and all, and how on both sides of his family they have a history of multiple divorces and other things.

Then he said, out of nowhere, really, "I'm just going to say this now... This is why we can't really be in a relationship, Olivia. I... Things could go really wrong. I have put in an active effort in my life to always avoid relationships. And if, for any reason, my genes were put into the gene pool again, I would hate myself for it."
Weird pause.
"...What am I supposed to say to that? I mean... you know that I try to avoid that subject when I can. I'm not good at fighting awkwardness." I was pretty much panicking for whatever reason right then and trying to hold it down.
"...I don't know what."
"And also, I'm not exactly partial to kids either... Ugh, why am I saying that? This is turning awkward for me..."
Another pause.
"...........I don't want to talk about it right now."
"That's fine. It's fine. I don't really want to either..."
And then the subject changed/went back to what it was before, and all was good in the world (until I tried to go to sleep and couldn't for several hours because of the whole conversation -not just this part- playing over and over in my head).

I'm just... confused. I don't know how I'm supposed to take that. My thoughts weren't making any sort of connection between what he was saying and our odd non-relationship, although I guess the point of all the stuff he was saying WAS for me to make connections. (He's religious, and believes that everything that happens is part of God's plan, and he was trying to explain that to me with examples rather than just talking about it.)

I honestly am thinking about asking him what he really meant by it when I see him Thursday. (Next week=exam week. Neither of us go in Monday, I go in Tuesday and Thursday, he does Wednesday and Thursday. Thursday=only overlap. Also the last exam day.) Whatever the answer, it honestly can't do anything to hurt our relationship; we've both gone through much, much harder stuff than a few minutes of awkward. It's just bugging me now, because I'm not sure how he intended me to take it. I don't know if he's trying to tell me that he actually does have feelings for me or not. I can deal with not being in a relationship; I seriously do not care about that anymore. I got over that a while ago. Yeah, I like him a lot, but as long as he's my friend I'm fine. But I would want to know. (Also, if he was trying to say that he does like me and is afraid that it'd turn out badly, I have a bit of his own advice to throw back at him.)

I'm quite confused, ladies. I'm not exactly sure what to do, either. I'm past the point of letting anything like this mess with our friendship, because he is, without a doubt, the most important person to me ever, and I'm not willing to lose him over something like this. We're way too close, and I can't really explain how close that is, but he's confusing me with this.
Any of you have insight or something? Should I talk to him about it or just leave it?  

[minisailormon]

I would probably talk to him and see what he ment  

[broken_bleeding_angel]

He loves you. But he doesn't want to turn out like his parents. His fear of divorce and becoming like them, with you, is what's holding him back.  

[Shimo Kousetsu]

Dammit, if that turns out to be what this is I have a few choice words for him. >o>;;
If that's what he's trying to tell me, I understand it. I mean, I know about his parents, their relationship, how all that affected him... I really can't blame him. But seriously, even if we aren't in/can't be in a relationship, I would like to know how he feels. I think we're close enough and understand each other enough that it would turn out fine if he let me know but still didn't let anything happen. It'd be more than enough for me just to know that he cares about me.

He's always telling me "It's okay to be afraid of something, but if you let that fear dictate your life, more than likely you'll wind up with the exact thing you feared happening."
Somehow I get the feeling that that applies here on some level.

I need to talk to him about this... If there's no time Thursday a phone conversation will have to suffice I guess, but I'd rather talk about this in person.  

[greeness]

It sounds to me like he's had feelings developing for you for some time now, and he's finally come up with enough courage to give you a hint of how he's feeling, although he doesn't want a repeat of the past. maybe you two will be one of those couples who were attracted to each other as kids but grew up and apart and then get really close again at forty or something like that and realize you were stupid as kids. you never know. keep it honest with him, he sounds like a great guy, whatever he thinks about his genes. history can only repeat itself if you let it.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

People rarely make sense late at night. They are more likely to say whats on their minds but much less likely to communicate it clearly. See if he's open to talking about it again.  

[Shimo Kousetsu]

I've made up my mind to talk to him about it no matter what now. It's going to bother me now that he brought it up, and really, it can't hurt to talk about it. I don't think either of us really were prepared for him to mention it Saturday night(it felt like a random thing he didn't really think about saying), so neither of us really knew what to say. Now at the very least I'VE given it some thought, so hopefully I can get him to clarify some things... If I'm interpreting it wrong, I can deal with that. I just want to know for sure. I think I deserve to know this.  

[s w e e t xoxMiSERY]

Sweetie, I have to agree with broken_bleeding_angel. That's exactly what it sounds like to me. You guys seem really close, and seriously, it'd probably destroy him if he lost you.

Then again, I may be wrong. Talk to him about it.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Good luck talking to him. I hope you can work things out. Don't be afraid to let him know that you are open to having a relationship but you would also be comfortable remaining friends. Expressing how you really feel is important, and it seems like you two are close enough that you could handle a little akwardness.  

[Aria of Blood]

obivously he likes you go talk to him and give him a hug but don't push him