I'm nearing the end of my rope!

[Hester Peche]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating about a year and a half now, and things are pretty good.

But, as of late he's become completely enamoured with Magic: The Gathering!
We usually only see eachother two days a week (some weekends though) because I live right by the college, but now I ususally only see him half of the usual time because he's hanging out with his Magic buddies.
He's blown me off numerous times because of this hobby, we never go on dates anymore, we barely hang out it feels like...
Then, when he's not playing he's talking to me about it...like I know what he's talking about or--as mean as it sounds--care! And he expects me to care and gets all depressed when I don't, it's not like he takes any sort of interest in my hobbies...

I don't know what to do! I just want to take his cards and burn them, then scatter the ashes--you know just in case. I'm going crazy! I really need some advice? Pleeeeease?  

[broken_bleeding_angel]

My ex did the same with video games to the point where he cared more about getting to the next level then he did that my mom had a huge melt down on me. I dumped him, obviously.

But you need to talk with him about it. I hate when people say "Oh you should try joining him!", so I'm not going to tell you that. But have you ever tried to hang out with him and his friends? (Unless you're still sick, then relax.)  

[Matron Mord Sith]

You need to sit him down and have a serious talk. Make him see how hes been making you feel. Put him in your shoes.  

[DaT Nigguh ReDD]

tell him how you feel if he is truly the one for you he will understand  

[June-iful]

it's just a phase, he'll grow out of it eventually.
for now, tell him how you feel and see if you can't come to a comprimise. If you can't then just tell him you'll find someone else until he grows up.  

[Azusanga]

If it starts to get too bad, start to talk endlessly about one of your hobbies. Once he gets on his hobby, steer the conversation back to you and yours. At the end of the day, ask him how he felt. If he makes some "Like the mage after it gets shot with a fire ball from the gorloc" reference, politely interrupt him, look him in the eyes, and say "How. Does. That. Make. You. Feel."

Make it very clear that his obsession is driving you away.  

[ThornySinger]

Leave him be. Literally. If he asks to hang out with you, leave him be and reject him. If he's smart, he'll get the point and come back to you, if he cares enough about you that is. If he truely doesn't care, then he'll shrug, and go back to his hobby. It's a good way to see if he really cares. Why bother going out with someone that doesn't care?

But you have to remember as well: Hobbies are hobbies. They're interests of people. I understand that you may be upset and would like to just burn the cards into ashes, giving him that taste of his own medicine, but you might not know just how special those cards mean to him. Now I'm not saying that you are wrong. Not at all. Just consider why would he do this? Is it because it's new to him, and he's greatly interested? Is he just slowly forgetting to show that he cares?

Talk to him if he insists that you hang out together and that he cares. Ask him why? Why, why, why is the big question here. It's important that you talk about how you feel, and tell him that you want to know why he's acting like that to you. You know, to learn both sides of the story.

Now, this might not work, as lame or professor-like it sounds. For two reasons.
One: I don't know your relationship or your boyfriend that well. I'm just trying to follow logic.
Two: I have never been in a relationship myself, so I wouldn't know that much about dating and I have no experience.

However, I wish you good luck in any action you choose to do. razz  

[hamgirl]

And hammy says...

I kinda have to agree with all of those above me. Its something you want to seriously have a talk with, but its also like a phase. Don't worry, my ex had TOO MANY phases, but they eventually ended and things went back to normal. (Until the next phase came around...)
But for now, just have a small chat with him. Tell him how you feel.

"...ahhh screw it, no one listens anyways."

 

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Okay I was going to say try joining him but I don't want to get eaten alive.
That seriously would be my solution though.

He's just very excited about his new hobby and he forgets that you aren't. If you want to stay with him your going ot have to make some compromises, but so should he.

Work out a designated time for him to be with you and for him to be with his friends. You can't try to monopolize his time, but he shouldn't blow you off if you have plans.

He should have to talk about something else when he is with you. If he's seeing his friends so much anyway he can talk about his cards with them. Remind him that you do not understand or have an interest in the card game.

If he's completely unwilling to agree to any sorts of compromises you have a choice to make...  

[shall she sail seas]

How long has his obsession been going on? If it's only been a month, I'd reckon that it'll eventually die down and you'll go back to your normal relationship habits soon after.

Personally, I would try and play the game a little too... not so much to get into it, but simply to understand what's going on. Since this advice seems to be shunned upon around here, your alternative is to find your own hobby to obsess over for a short while until he gets over his.

Mention the issue to him only once, but clearly and make sure he understands what's going on. I absolutely hate it when people nag me and won't dish the same. As long as he knows what you're going through, feel free to do your own thing. Whether or not he wakes up from his game-lust will depend on his consideration for his girlfriend and own will-power. It's all in his hands. You bear none of the blame.  

[Poisonous Glitter]

Dont Worry,This Happens ALL the Time to girls AND Boys And Alot of poeple know how you feel trust me if you still have feelings for him,either tell him how you feel,or just try to ease to let you talk about you troubles or hobbies if you dont like him anymore,then DUMP Him!!!  

[Hester Peche]

Thanks everyone! heart

Well I've tried talking to him but, he's just not very receptive. Everytime I bring it up he gets all defensive and says things like "Fine, I'll just quit".
And that pisses me off, it's like he's making it come down between me and a card game! I'm not telling him to quit, I'm just asking him to spend a little more time with me and not with a some cards...

And now he's going out and playing behind my back, not telling me, until muuuch later. When we could have spent those few hours together! Grah, I'd hate to break up with him over this but, if it continues like this I'm afraid I might have too...

And for the record, I have tried playing Magic. I did not like it. I hated it, it's boring and silly in my opinion. But I feel that way about all TCGs.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

Sounds like he feels guilty but doesn't want to stop. I'd try saying that its okay if he plays on these days, but on saturday he MUST show up for your date. Or something like that. Make it easy for him.  

[shall she sail seas]

Hester Peche

Thanks everyone! heart

Well I've tried talking to him but, he's just not very receptive. Everytime I bring it up he gets all defensive and says things like "Fine, I'll just quit".
And that pisses me off, it's like he's making it come down between me and a card game! I'm not telling him to quit, I'm just asking him to spend a little more time with me and not with a some cards...

And now he's going out and playing behind my back, not telling me, until muuuch later. When we could have spent those few hours together! Grah, I'd hate to break up with him over this but, if it continues like this I'm afraid I might have too...

And for the record, I have tried playing Magic. I did not like it. I hated it, it's boring and silly in my opinion. But I feel that way about all TCGs.

As I've said before, you bear none of the blame. Don't let him guilt trip you into believing that you're making him think "pick me or the card game". You've done what you could and his lack of honesty is a bit disconcerting..... confused  

[ThornySinger]

Hester Peche

Thanks everyone! heart

Well I've tried talking to him but, he's just not very receptive. Everytime I bring it up he gets all defensive and says things like "Fine, I'll just quit".
And that pisses me off, it's like he's making it come down between me and a card game! I'm not telling him to quit, I'm just asking him to spend a little more time with me and not with a some cards...

And now he's going out and playing behind my back, not telling me, until muuuch later. When we could have spent those few hours together! Grah, I'd hate to break up with him over this but, if it continues like this I'm afraid I might have too...

And for the record, I have tried playing Magic. I did not like it. I hated it, it's boring and silly in my opinion. But I feel that way about all TCGs.

I'm glad that you tried it out, at least you know and experienced it instead of guessing your a** off.

Whenever he becomes defensive like that, could it be that he takes the way you talk to him differently than how you intended to? Or could it be he finds that you may think that his hobby is insulting? When talking to him, where you very clear? Instead of saying "Why do you want to play that game all the time?", you could try saying "You seem to like playing that game... Why do you like it so much? Is it THAT important to you?" instead (for example). Make eye contact, and articulate. One of the things that scares me most when talking is someone staring at me and articulating clearly. :S

I'm not saying pin-point, but do it if you must.