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Can someone give me feedback for this song i wrote?

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_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 3:03 pm
BARBED-WIRE BLINDFOLD

I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking
I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking

Looking through these eyes
Booking all my lies
Dying to get by
Flying off the side
Another victum tonight
Another wrong's now right
Make me see the light
But it looks too bright
I can't control myself
I'm falling off the shelf
Looking like a lepored elf
I don't know why I like this
And you just break in my mind and take everything away!

I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking

If you think I'm a threat
If I make you upset
My direction's been preset
The carcass feels very wet
You think you know what I am
Debating why I slam
Blowing up the dam
When I hear the speach of the ram
My mental abortion
Blown out of proportion
Seeing only ugly exteriors
I'm still feeling so inferior!

I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking
I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking

I'm the effigy to be
The effigy can't see
The effigy erased
Effigy disgraced
The deity's disfaced
The deity displaced
Deity replaced
Deity with no trace
Apathy for my face
Apathy of this race
Just shut up and die
You need to learn how to die
Then teach me how to die
Mentality is fine
Just sit down and dine
Scars and wine are the perfect combine
Yet your slowly chipping away and taking your time!

Take it all back
I'll stab you in the back
I don't want it to last
But it's been a blast
Me and my obscenity
You steal my life away from me
Now I make your world look at me
So full of conformity
I break free to set free
Making be inside of me
Your dishing out some sodemy
Feeling obtuse but now armed with a noose
Maybe I'll bruise
Maybe I'll lose
Will it bleed?
If it does I can make it concede
I refuse to accept this enormity
Feeling life without gravity
Accusations, propositions, prosecutars are my executors

I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking
I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking
I don't know why I am still talking
I don't know why you're still stalking
All I can see is what's in front of me
This green mile I am now walking

You force me to take this
I want to break this
Now we forsake this
Donate to make this
Bleeding out of every pour
In my mind I'm only four
My whole body's feeling sore
My whole life is just a violent metaphor
Yet you're still breaking my mind to take everything that's mine!

Now I'm waiting for you!
I'm waiting for you!
 
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 3:24 pm
no one has anything to say about it?  

_Built_to_Offend_666

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