27 Days

[cre8ive_ovadose]

Just a short prologue kind of thing I just wrote. Tell me what you think, I'm very tempted to keep writing it... Feedback welcome and highly appreciated, always room for improvement ^L^

27 Days

“So when do you think it all started?”


I looked to the psychologist and smiled almost evilly, I suppose you could say insanely, that’s what it felt like to me anyway. Of course I knew when it had all started – it had been happening to me – but I couldn’t really pinpoint the exact time I became depressed. I just realized one day there was something not quite right but why the hell am I telling you? You aren’t the one trying to help me but I highly suspect that this person isn’t either. As far as I’m concerned this person is just someone else making money out of my problems...


But that’s really all this world is nowadays, isn’t it? People making profits out of other people’s problems; like scavengers, money-hungry people with nothing else better to do. But I’m not here to tell you about them or this psychologist. I’m here to tell you about me and how my life fell apart in the course of twenty-seven days. I’m Bree McEwan and this is my story.  

[psychopen94]

It sounds like a good start... You should definitely keep working on it.
The part when she says that the psychologist isn't really there to help her and is just in it for the money I think is really how the way it is. They just want your money.  

[ProfessorKC]

"Therapy only works for those who want it."

"Ever spell therapist? T-H-E ... R-A-P-I-S-T ... Coincidence? I think not ..."

- attributed to several people in several different ways (both 'quotes').

It's a nice start. I'd be careful about the transition from narration to speaking directly to the reader. There is a difference between the written and spoken word and the first paragraph confuses this a bit. Otherwise, quite a decent start.  

[The Original Jbird]

I like it.
But if your main character is depressed, why would he smile evilly?

 

[Stoobs is back]

Xconsumed_by_loveX

I looked to the psychologist and smiled almost evilly, I suppose you could say insanely, that’s what it felt like to me anyway. Of course I knew when it had all started – it had been happening to me – but I couldn’t really pinpoint the exact time I became depressed. I just realized one day there was something not quite right but why the hell am I telling you? You aren’t the one trying to help me but I highly suspect that this person isn’t either. As far as I’m concerned this person is just someone else making money out of my problems...

First off, the opening line is great. Right away, the reader is thinking "When did what all start?" and by the context of the question, they know the answer is coming.

What follows however, is a bit irksome in my eyes.

Considering that you're using a first person narrative here, think about perceptions of self. How often does someone think of themselves and what they do as evil, or insane, or sinister? I like to say that there are no true villains, because a good antagonist is not malicious from some corporeal evil, but for personal reasons of revenge, their perception of justice, or for their personal gain. In this light, they probably don't think they are always "doing good", but that doesn't mean they think they're doing "evil" either.

I would leave the aside-thoughts of the character until we get to know them a little better, too. I don't follow the whole "show, don't tell" mantra, because "tell" is sometimes the best method, but certainly in most circumstances, "show, then tell" is appropriate.

If your character really is evil, and insane, why don't you show this to the reader by (her?) words and actions first, not by having this supposedly crazy person speak directly to them.

This blurb does a great job of setting the scenario, on the other hand. We as readers know that something, or a series of events, has happened to the protagonist over about a month's time that has brought that person to the edge of their sanity. It makes us want to read more, but make sure that what we read more of is a window into these characters, not a conversation.