I need help!!!

[Faith-The1Slayer]

Hi, I am Pheonix and I am in the process of writing a book I hope to get published....... but before I get that far I need some big help!!!!!  

[Fujiwara Kazunari]

......whut?



Seriously, need to see what you can do first, give us an extract from said book, or something.  

[Vaporeae]

Um, yeah, what he said. Basically, we know nothing about this book of yours, or you as a writer. An extract would help or even just a brief outline of the plot.  

[Faith-The1Slayer]

“Sinome, yuln sina {Here, drink this} ,” he whispered softly to Roxanna holding out a cup of Nekte ent apsa alus {Honey and herb water} . She looked at the cup and then at the boy. She slowly reached out to take the cup. Roxanna sniffed it and closed her eyes. She smiled a little bit. She knew the smell of the herbs; in fact it was the same thing she would drink before every show. Roxanna took a small sip. It was really hot. She kept the mug up at her face. As she continued to take small sips she started feeling a lot better.
Roxanna slowly handed the empty mug back to the elven boy. He smiled sweetly to her as he took it. He bowed his head slightly to her. “Vendui. Qualla xun naut tlu stre. Ussta kaas zhah Dinzyr Goderahel {Hello. Please do not be afraid. My name is Dinzyr Goderahel} ,” he whispered kindly to her. Roxanna looked at him with her mouth open; she was so confused. Dinzyr laughed at the sight of her face. He cleared his throat quickly before saying, “Forgive me, I just assumed you would speak Drow or Elven. My name is Dinzyr Goderahel of Auvrymtor, or the blood of the abyss. I am an elf, and am I to assume correctly that you are human?” he told her as he sat the mug down gently.
Roxanna was still staring at him with her mouth open. She quickly closed it. She opened her mouth to say something, yet nothing came out. Finally she managed to croak out a single question, “Did you say elf?”
Dinzyr nodded gently. “I did indeed. Why is there something wrong?” he asked as he looked at her. Suddenly Roxanna looked around, startled. Her eyes refocused on Dinzyr.



This is an exert from a book I am writing. It is about a girl who rediscovers magick after many years of having to hide any and all mere thoughts of the subject. An elven boy named Dinzyr helps her through many dangerous adventures.


I can't ever tell if I am too descriptive, or not enough, or what.
And describing so many different creatures and races at one time is really hard  

[ranma064]

First thing I'd like to say is "Show don't tell"

It's not that you're too descriptive, it's that you are telling us the description rather than letting most of it show through the actions. If the cup is hot, show it is hot through steam or the girl blowing at the cup to cool it down.

If you are going to use other languages, I'd suggest not translating it. It clutters the piece and takes away from the mystery.

Just a small piece of advice: stay away from -ly words as much as possible.

As to getting this published, without a more detailed outline of the plot, I'd say maybe. You need to edit this..

"And describing so many different creatures and races at one time is really hard" ---- Learn from the masters. Read some of your favorite fantasy books and study how they managed it. It'll help, I swear.

"It is about a girl who rediscovers magick after many years of having to hide any and all mere thoughts of the subject. An elven boy named Dinzyr helps her through many dangerous adventures. "

What is the main conflict?  

[ProfessorKC]

My suggestions are simple if you wish to take them:

First of all, not knowing the story doesn't help. A brief synopsis of what you are writing is always helpful. Then, a sample of your writing from a few different scenes would be good as well. Not much to go on here actually ... xd

Secoond, try to avoid "captured dialogue." In other words, spoken lines of the story trapped in paragraphs when a covversation is occurring. Dialogue is written as is because speech general occurs fluently and carries importance of some sort to the scene. Writing is a VISUAL art as well as a litereary one and the way you present your work on the page is just as important as what is written. It helps establish an easy flow of reading that aids the reader. wahmbulance

Third, compound sentences, subjects and predicates are good things to use when not much is really "going on." hnading someone heral water and sipping it while speaking a few pleasantries is hardly and active scene. Cut down the unecessary! It will only help things. This allows you to be descriptive without appearing blunt or moving your scene along too fast with too many shor choppy sentences. sweatdrop

Fourth and final for now, Pick up one of Dennis McKeirnan's fantasy books or see how Tolkein handles "foreign" languages. If you plan on doing direct translation through your whole story (which I doubt, but anyways ...) It could be a bit tedious. Unfortunately, most Americans do not have the patience for languages besides English (note the MOST ... it's not all, because I for one speak two others and am trying to learn a third besides English and I know of many peoplpe out there who are the same way) gonk

These are, by the way, only suggestions and in the end a writer's "style" will out over anything else. Please do present that summary of the story though. I enjoy stories immensely! smile

I do apologize for any typing errors since I do have a problem typing ... (funny that, huh?) rofl

ninja Thank you for reading! (these emotes are a riot aren't they?) ninja  

[Faith-The1Slayer]

you feeling alright Professor? You got a lot of emotions typing that uh?
The main conflict and back story for Roxanna is:
When Roxanna was twelve she wrote amazingly vivid stories about different realms coexisting with the mortal realm(s). Her brother had always hated it when Roxanna wrote those stories. One day he finds her story journal. When he reads all the stories she wrote he takes her aside and makes her swear to him that she will never again even think about the mere concept of magick, much less write about it.
Ten years later she has changed her writing style to music. She now plays the guitar, piano, drums, and sings. Without writing for ten years she took a deep interest in the musical arts. One day she is on her way to a CD recording with her boyfriend {He comes in much later} when a freak rainstorm causes her to wreck. She passes out after hitting her head on the wheel. She awakens in a forest........
With the help of some new and old friends she rediscovers all that she had lost that ten years ago. She rediscovers all the magick she had known before  

[ranma064]

Pheonix_Buffy_Fire

you feeling alright Professor? You got a lot of emotions typing that uh?
The main conflict and back story for Roxanna is:
When Roxanna was twelve she wrote amazingly vivid stories about different realms coexisting with the mortal realm(s). Her brother had always hated it when Roxanna wrote those stories. One day he finds her story journal. When he reads all the stories she wrote he takes her aside and makes her swear to him that she will never again even think about the mere concept of magick, much less write about it.
Ten years later she has changed her writing style to music. She now plays the guitar, piano, drums, and sings. Without writing for ten years she took a deep interest in the musical arts. One day she is on her way to a CD recording with her boyfriend {He comes in much later} when a freak rainstorm causes her to wreck. She passes out after hitting her head on the wheel. She awakens in a forest........
With the help of some new and old friends she rediscovers all that she had lost that ten years ago. She rediscovers all the magick she had known before

I know this might be annoying of me, but now I'm going to ask another question.

What is the goal? What does Roxanna want?

I don't fully understand what your conflict is. Her situation is interesting, although I question the sanity a bit (Why does her brother hate magic/other realms so much and better yet, why would she listen to him?)

Are you putting her in another "realm" and therefore must find her way back to her own? (Which would be interesting since she hit her head. It'd be awesome if at the end of the novel you twist it and reveal it was all a dream or something. That'd be so cool!)  

[Faith-The1Slayer]

gackt_stalker

Pheonix_Buffy_Fire

you feeling alright Professor? You got a lot of emotions typing that uh?
The main conflict and back story for Roxanna is:
When Roxanna was twelve she wrote amazingly vivid stories about different realms coexisting with the mortal realm(s). Her brother had always hated it when Roxanna wrote those stories. One day he finds her story journal. When he reads all the stories she wrote he takes her aside and makes her swear to him that she will never again even think about the mere concept of magick, much less write about it.
Ten years later she has changed her writing style to music. She now plays the guitar, piano, drums, and sings. Without writing for ten years she took a deep interest in the musical arts. One day she is on her way to a CD recording with her boyfriend {He comes in much later} when a freak rainstorm causes her to wreck. She passes out after hitting her head on the wheel. She awakens in a forest........
With the help of some new and old friends she rediscovers all that she had lost that ten years ago. She rediscovers all the magick she had known before

I know this might be annoying of me, but now I'm going to ask another question.

What is the goal? What does Roxanna want?

I don't fully understand what your conflict is. Her situation is interesting, although I question the sanity a bit (Why does her brother hate magic/other realms so much and better yet, why would she listen to him?)

Are you putting her in another "realm" and therefore must find her way back to her own? (Which would be interesting since she hit her head. It'd be awesome if at the end of the novel you twist it and reveal it was all a dream or something. That'd be so cool!)

yes know I am insane!!
I'm not quite sure why he hates it right now....  

[fallenangel_Asha]

Two things: the first is - very Alice in Wonderlandish. That's not a bad thing, it's something people find entertaining. Now, Roxanna's main, "normal" world - is it our world, or a different one? Her brothers' feelings make me feel as if it is not our world (our world is in love with fantasy, just go look and see how much money Transformers made).
The next thing I have to say is, publishing really depends little on the writing, the story itself, blah, blah, blah. Book publishers are business, they are not in that business to help you out, give a new author a shot, or even present ideas. They are in that business for money. If you have a great story, but it wont sell - you wont get published. That's just the business angle of it. For example: there are a million vampire stories, movies, and tv series' out today - vampires are the thing right now!
I'm saying this more to tell you that while we can help you with your writing, we may not actually be able to help with the publishing aspect. Please don't be disheartened though, I am determined to be published one day and you should be too! Just remember, it's all about money to them.  

[fallenangel_Asha]

Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention. In my own research regarding publishing, the number one thing I have seen emphasized is research. Make sure you do your research about publishers, agents, etc...
Okay, now I'm done. And I'm still curious about your story.