Red Rose

[fallenangel_Asha]

Red Rose

Red rose, changes to black-
It’s given in love, it’s given in peace,
It’s given to die and whither and cease.

Red rose, never comes back-
It’s given in lust, it’s given in haste,
It’s given in hopes that it won’t be a waste.

Red rose, changes it’s tack-
It’s no longer given, it’s no longer loved,
It’s no longer thought of as a symbol above.
It’s become a poisoned dove.

Red rose changes to black…
Red rose never comes back…

 

[fallenangel_Asha]

Doesn't anybody have anything to say?
Please?
Anyone at all?
crying crying crying  

[ProfessorKC]

Very nice actually. The rose image as all living things being ephemeral works very nicely. It leads to a nice abrupt break in stanza form at the end.

I only have one problem and that's the dove line. You camn tell when something has been plugged in to fit a rhyme scheme and that has that feel. You kept all your images up until this point focussed on the changing of a plant and then BAM! ... here's a dying bird ... BAM! back to a thing a plant does not do nomally, turn black. See how some of the punch of the last line is lost by suddenly shifting images right before the denoument of your piece?

You may just want to eliminate the dove line all together. It still reads well. Just my opinion and of course up to you.