i had a name for this, but i forgot it haha

[Tink_Bel]

"I love doing ur hair!" Lorelei said while stroking the brush through my hair.
I put my chin into my hands and looked in the mirror, into my icy blue eyes. Then I started on looking at all the pictures around the border of the mirror. The first picture was of my and Lorelei, faces squeezed together so we could both fit into the tiny screen. In the background you could see fireworks and a big white sign that said "Happy New Year!"
The second was of Lorelei and Pheonix in the pool. Both of them had their chins and elbows rested on the side of the pool. You could see their blue and green tails hovering behind them.
Then the third was of me, Lorelei, and Pheonix at the mall. Our arms were around each other and we were all sticking out our tongues.
I was pulled back into reality as Lorelei tugged my hair into a a sleek, black fountain on my head. "Say cheese!" she said and snapped a picture. "Oh ya, I'm so bringing this to year book with me.
"Let me see!" I yelled and snatched the cemera out of hand. Lorelei was the closest to the camera, she had her tongue out and you could see her arm reaching out where she held the camera. I was in the middle of laughing. My mouth was wide open and my eyes we squinting. Not to mention that I hadn't put on make-up yet and some mascara was under my eyes.
Lorelei snatched it back from me and ran to her laptop. "Omigod, delete that!" I pleaded. But it was too late. The printer was already whirring to life as she printed it out. She held it up to examine it.
"Oh ya, John has to see this one!" She taunted.
"No!" I screamed and lunged at her.
I missed and she jumped on her bed. She let out her best evil laugh (her best evil laugh is a bad one though). I grabbed her ankles and she fell on her back. I grabbed the picture from her and held it up to where she couldn't get it. But she just tackled me and started grabbing at it.
But then she stopped and froze. I froze too as I heard the sound of someone turning the handle on our door.  

[Emmerah]

i like it.... what happens next? I'm not really very good at criticizing other people's work (but very good at criticizing my own).
I think that you did a good job with the balance between dialogue and actions.  

[abandoned_nr_5448214]

Hmm~~ A nice beginning, roughly how many chapters have you planned for it? There's just a few grammatical things I'd like to point out. Nice touch about the tails mentioned, it hints that this isn't normal teenagers, but I'd like to know just a little bit more.

Quote:

"I love doing ur hair!" Lorelei said while stroking the brush through my hair.

Replace chatspeak with 'your', and perhaps change the last hair into something else, perhaps a description of her hair? "My black locks" or something like that.

Quote:

The first picture was of my and Lorelei,

"Me and Lorelei" would make more sense in the context I think.

Quote:

and my eyes we squinting

Were squinting, I think.

Nice cliffhanger on the end - keep writing! ^^