June 28th, 2009 1:15 AM

[Rock4ourRock]

A bit of free form oddliness I just cooked up.

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1:15
sleep is nowhere to be found
mind races

music flows.
the intoxicating sounds of
Kula Shaker
inspiring.
peaceful, more like it.

living,
breathing,
one romance
ends
another romance
begins, possible
lost to to the air
inbetween.

friendships lost,
made
reborn
the spark that was once
a burning flame
finds new kindling.
the old is new again.

death does not scare him,
renewed his vigor.
happiness unseen in years
shows once again.
tales of old
pour from his mouth,
entertaining.
he is not long in this world
but he lives
as a young child.

whirlwind of thought
insanity
life
what does the new day bring?

1:25
waiting...
tick...tock...  

[Stelle Cadenti]

I really like this, I must say. I love the abruptness of the sentences in the beginning and how they become longer and fuller near the middle, almost as if you're becoming more awake as you read it. Then again near the end it goes back to the choppy thoughts, it really gives the poem a sense of a beginning, middle and end. I have just one suggestion, take away the elipses from the last line, it will give the piece more of a sense of closure.  

[Rock4ourRock]

haha I couldn't sleep that night, as the poem says, and I was just thinking about my life when this little piece came pouring out.

I actually meant to put the ellipses there, to give the feeling of waiting for whatever the future brings. The idea stemmed from "what does the new day bring?"