The butterfly

[Nujunuju1]

In a world that's painted black
a butterfly with burden on it's back
flutters bravely through the day
as his life is wasting away,
away on friend who never knew
he only wished to see sky's of blue
they never saw, they never knew

His friend, the bird, making music an art
always stealing the lady bugs' hearts.
How the butterfly wished he could be
perched upon such a lovely tree.
though the bird is his friend, he feels unworthy
to sit beside that little birdie
forever sad and melancholy.

To his brother now, the dragonfly.
How ever fast and sleek, yet sly.
He bites whom ever he gets near
and still the butterfly envies his spiteful jeers.
Though the dragonfly is angry, he's still his brother
And the butter fly would never ask for another.
In caring sadness he is smothered.

His thoughts are turned to his sister,
the ever popular caterpillar.
Forever loved by all who know,
though her heart is cold as snow.
As sad and burdened as he were.
He still cared and always protected her.
His anger, for her, he deters.

The love of his life enters his mind,
the cutest black spider who seems so kind.
Though the butterfly shows it's burning passion,
it's always shrugged off in an unwanting fashion.
So the butterfly floats toward the sky,
lifted by her beautiful lies.
Now, in loving anguish, he cries.

Through all his life and all his pain
the butterfly knows there is always gain.
So in a world that's painted black
the butterfly with burden on it's back
flutters off into the night
as in his soul fades the light.
locked forever in eternal fight.


Written by Damian Andrew Hesse  

[Metal Adrasteia]

Overall I really like the imagry. It has a nice flow and I like the characters. However, you should go back through and check your grammar. There are a lot of little things that may not seem important, but it makes it look like you didn't care enough about your poem to edit, so why should the reader care about reading it? So just go slow and read through it, you use "it's" instead of "its" a couple times, for example.

I like your other stuff too, by the way smile  

[drpepperaddict06]

going along with what metal adrasteia said, i really like the imagery. I feel that i can picture myself with the butterfly, along for the ride. =)