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 Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 9:35 am
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ok, this is kind of a long story because it's been building up for almost a year... and i've kept it bottled up for so. damn. long. alright, july 6, 2008. i get asked out. online. i kinda liked the guy. so i accept. everything goes smoothly, and we're still together after almost a year. but if my parents found out they would flip. and they almost have. ever since i got with this guy, and my guilt got really really bad, i feel like i've lost myself. in a way of i dont know who i am anymore. a lot of times idk what's going on in my emotions. i feel like a complete stranger to myself. i'm scattered and trying to find the pieces to make me... its driving me insane. another thing is, i grew up as a muslim, still am, and my mom always taught me to trust god and all that stuff. i know it seems extremely weak that i've got some mention of god in this, and if you're atheist or dont believe in one god, i have nothing against you, i would still like your opinion. and those of you who do believe in one god, any faith, you probably pray when your upset or something... not saying that you do, im not sure. now i'm afraid to, maybe im even afraid of god herself, (and yes, i address her in a feminine way) and last night my mom almost found out by reading my IMs to my friends, and i had to make up this huge lie. this isnt the first time i've almost gotten caught. so here's my big question, should i leave my bf? yeah he's online, but it's been almost a year. once i tried breaking up with him because of my guilt, and i just couldnt stand it so i asked him to take me back. anyways, i think i should leave him because i've sort of lost a vision of who i am after about half a year of being with him, im afraid of my god, and the guilt of lying is driving me insane.... but im afraid he might get really upset if i leave him, and i might not be able to take it. im sorry for such a long story, and if you have taken the time to read it, thank you. your opinion on this?
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:59 pm
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Asalamalakum.
Well, first of all its not weak of you to mention god here. If you believe in something, good for you. I'm not religious myself. I grew up protestant Christian, thankfully not really conservative, but over time I just grew away from it. I dabbled in various forms of Paganism, even considered myself a Christian witch for a while. But in the end I just accepted that I have a very broad view of god. I don't see god as anything but a powerful spiritual force. So I don't align myself with any one religion. Organized religion just seems like too much of a middleman to me.
Anyway, that's not helping your issue.
This is just an online boyfriend? Emotions can still be strong even from such a relationship, but I don't really see any relationship going anywhere without some sort of physical presence. Dating online is one thing, but to me there's too much room for breaches of trust. Case in point, up til now you probably thought I'm female. In reality I'm a guy. That's the internet for you. I can be whoever I want.
Children will always have secrets from their parents, that's natural. If its really bothering you that much, maybe you should end it. Unless this relationship is actual worth the stress its causing you. Though, since its just online... I really don't see how it could be. I'd encourage you to find a real-life significant other. Though that's not to say you NEED to go find a new partner.
Maybe this is a good time to do some self-searching and find out who you are. You can't possibly give a significant other (online or not) the respect they deserve if you don't know yourself. How can they know you if you don't know you?
Also, again on god. Don't be afraid of your god. Gods are not there to scare people (though many people try to make them out to be such, but only as a method to control people.) From what I know (albeit little) about Islam, Allah is a loving and caring god. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be afraid of her. (Oh dear, now I'm calling Allah "she." Someone's going to come after me for that. razz )
Don't be afraid to pray. If you do have a more religious inclination, I'm sure it will help.
I'm at a loss for anything else helpful I could say. Just be true to yourself. Spend some time to find out who you are. I'm guessing you're a teenager, so this is definitely the time of your life for doing just that.
Hope that helps somewhat.
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:48 pm
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Alana Darkblade Asalamalakum. Well, first of all its not weak of you to mention god here. If you believe in something, good for you. I'm not religious myself. I grew up protestant Christian, thankfully not really conservative, but over time I just grew away from it. I dabbled in various forms of Paganism, even considered myself a Christian witch for a while. But in the end I just accepted that I have a very broad view of god. I don't see god as anything but a powerful spiritual force. So I don't align myself with any one religion. Organized religion just seems like too much of a middleman to me. Anyway, that's not helping your issue. This is just an online boyfriend? Emotions can still be strong even from such a relationship, but I don't really see any relationship going anywhere without some sort of physical presence. Dating online is one thing, but to me there's too much room for breaches of trust. Case in point, up til now you probably thought I'm female. In reality I'm a guy. That's the internet for you. I can be whoever I want. Children will always have secrets from their parents, that's natural. If its really bothering you that much, maybe you should end it. Unless this relationship is actual worth the stress its causing you. Though, since its just online... I really don't see how it could be. I'd encourage you to find a real-life significant other. Though that's not to say you NEED to go find a new partner. Maybe this is a good time to do some self-searching and find out who you are. You can't possibly give a significant other (online or not) the respect they deserve if you don't know yourself. How can they know you if you don't know you? Also, again on god. Don't be afraid of your god. Gods are not there to scare people (though many people try to make them out to be such, but only as a method to control people.) From what I know (albeit little) about Islam, Allah is a loving and caring god. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be afraid of her. (Oh dear, now I'm calling Allah "she." Someone's going to come after me for that. razz ) Don't be afraid to pray. If you do have a more religious inclination, I'm sure it will help. I'm at a loss for anything else helpful I could say. Just be true to yourself. Spend some time to find out who you are. I'm guessing you're a teenager, so this is definitely the time of your life for doing just that. Hope that helps somewhat.
thank you.... a lot actually. it really does help. i was afraid i was gonna be like yelled at for being a "muslim terrorist" or calling allah or god a she.... i think im going to leave him.... there's too much flying at me all at once, and as you said i need some time with me, i, and myself alone to figure myself out... |
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 7:13 pm
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