My Battle

[AmiraUnhuman_MEM]

I wrote this wen my teacher told me in front of the whole class to stop being so vicious... Its also on my profile... im not a good speller stressed and im in a hurry cuz im late for work... enjoy and please comment

My Battle

Everyone talking around me
an insistent buzzing
I cover my ears, but its still there
I yell for it to stop
and I realize its not them
its me
angry, hateful words
beating again my lips
begging me to let them out
to swarm around someone else
and leave me be
but I can't
so they sting me instead
they turn on me and torment me
all the while I suffer in silence
keeping a blank face
while my insides are injected with poison
contaminating me further
and the cycle continues
this is my battle... I fight it every day.  

[Stelle Cadenti]

AmiraUnhuman_MEM

My Battle

Everyone talking around me
an insistent buzzing
I cover my ears, but it's still there
I yell for it to stop
and I realize it's not them
it's me
angry, hateful words
beating against my lips
begging me to let them out
to swarm around someone else
and leave me be
but I can't
so they sting me instead
they turn on me and torment me
all the while I suffer in silence
keeping a blank face
while my insides are injected with poison
contaminating me further
and the cycle continues
this is my battle, I fight it every day.

I really like this poem, it's unique in it's subject matter. I was telling you about my feelings towards, well, feelings in poetry in your other poem's thread, but I think you're starting to convert me with this one. I could really feel it, and it was still a good poem from a literary persepctive.

I just highlighted some of the error in it, I hope that helps. You just have to watch for apostrophes, they're little devils. I put a comma instead of an elipse at the last line because in my opinion, I think it just looks better. There was too much of a pause there with an elipse, I think it disrupted the flow, the comma gives a bit of a shorter pause.