Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Official Warhammer 40,000 and Tabletop Gaming Guild

Back to Guilds

The Official Gaian Home of Tabletop Gaming 

Tags: Games Workshop, Tabletop, Warhammer, Gaming, Wargaming 

Reply Fiction Subforum
Libris Hereticus -- A series. (Maybe. ;P)

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Mango McCrazy

Chatty Spotter

6,900 Points
  • Hygienic 200
  • Contributor 150
  • Peoplewatcher 100
PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:03 pm
"Wash It Off."
--- The following is a passage taken from the journal of one Adrian Udetsky, Traitor Guardsman and Chaos cultist dedicated in favor to the Temple of Tzeentch.
It is meant for Inquisitorial eyes only, and unauthorized viewing is to result in immediate execution. ---



June 21st, M41
Orpheus Prime, Eastern Fringe
Adrian Udetsky

I never wanted to be a cultist. I never wanted to feel the fear of being hunted by my own kind, chased like some sort of wild animal to be put down. I never wanted my friends, my family, my own damn planet to suffer because of my actions. And I sure as hell never wanted to be stuck on this godforsaken rock, freezing my nuts off in the a**-end of nowhere.
Ever since I was "conscripted" into this less-than reputable army of mutants and deviants, my eyes have endured horrors that would break most men on the spot; things that I will never mention again, yet will never be able to forget. I've done things; participated in acts of such a horrible nature that I will never be able to wash the accumulated guilt and self-disgust from my being. The "men" here, the women too, are all animals. They seem to delight in the pain they inflict, squealing with glee as they flay some poor soul's flesh, drinking in the screams of agony like some profane wine as they dig their knives deeper into their victim, wallowing in his crimson ochre. I can hear it now. We captured a small platoon of Elysians when we ambushed the 6th Regiment outside of Dukesh. They've been placed in temporary hold near the rear of the camp until they give in to interrogation, or are exectued. They're killing in order of rank, from highest to lowest, which means their Captain's up now.
I wish I could do something. I really do. But there really isn't much I would accomplish from intervening, other than dieing along with the man, in a rather terrible fashion might I add. I'm being relieved in a few minutes, and it's been made mandatory to watch these torture sessions, so I'll have to face the man anyways.

Emperor help us all.


Note to readers:
This is my first WH40k fiction ever. I implore you to comment. Please. If I receive positive feedback, I intend on making this a series, as well as the entries longer. Keep in mind that I am more than a bit scatterbrained when writing, and as such my entries may seem empty, or vague at times, though I try to keep my adjectives as rich and varied as possible. This is always posted first on my journal to be evaluated by friends. If you wish to help me "beta test" my stories, or just want to get to know me better, send me a friend request. I may be willing to collaborate with other authors in further installments if they find me deserving of their time. Thank you, and please try to enjoy.
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:40 am
The Imperium no longer uses the Julian Gregorian calendar.

Other than that there isn't a whole lot in there. Motivation and drive are missing. I'd advise on fleshing things out, explaining things a bit, you need to interest the reader, but also inform him or her, not too much, but not too little as well, mysterious reading isn't always fun.

Plus platoons aren't led by such high ranking officers in most cases.

Just my two cents.  

Hoxtalicious

Greedy Partner


Mango McCrazy

Chatty Spotter

6,900 Points
  • Hygienic 200
  • Contributor 150
  • Peoplewatcher 100
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 5:17 am
Thanks. I didn't really know what the calender was, so... ;>>

But yeah, this one's more of an experiment than anything, so I really appreciate the input. Also, I figured that since Elysians have an unnaturally high proportion of Stormtroopers, they'd have higher ranking people in smaller groups.
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:05 am
Elysians are like regular Guard, only they drop from the skies.  

Hoxtalicious

Greedy Partner

Reply
Fiction Subforum

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum