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 Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 6:05 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:28 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:48 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:58 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:32 am
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Let me turn up the brightness and contrast on this monitor so I can see it properly...okay.
All of your lines have the same thickness. It makes everything look flat and run together. Use thicker lines for things closer to the foreground, things in shadow, and things with "weight." Use thin lines for objects in the background, in strong light, and other "wispy" objects like hair.
Your tones have some white artifacts where they aren't quite going up to the lines. This can be caused by not getting right up to the line when toning, or it can happen during the resize if you have lots of layers. To prevent the problem when resizing your image, save the file with the layers and then merge / flatten it before resizing. Just make sure you DO NOT save over your layered file.
Also with the tones, all the gradients make everything run together too. Even in very dim / dank lighting (which is what I'm assuming you are going for) I think a cel-shaded tone method would look better. I can show you what I mean, if you'd give me permission to modify one of your panels.
What are you using for your lines? They're quite wobbly, so I'm guessing you're inking with a mouse. Working on a larger canvas and sizing down will help eliminate some wobbles, but it's mostly a matter of practice to get smooth strokes. Digital can be tricky, it will pick up any little tremor of the hand. Oh, looks like you're getting that problem fixed in later pages. Good!
Don't neglect your backgrounds!! I cannot emphasize this enough! If she's in a secret Nazi-era storeroom, there's probably all kinds of other cool stuff down there, right? And try to stay away from photos and so many filler BGs, they flatten things out. Use the pictures for reference, but don't paste them into the panel. They usually don't mesh that well with the foreground.
I know this has turned into a wall of text, but you're attempt is not a bad one, especially for your age. You finished it, and it is easy enough to follow. So long as you're putting your best effort into each page, you'll improve. smile
Resources for you--
www.blambot.com has free fonts made specifically for comics / webcomics. Digital Strip is my favorite, but try a few, I'm sure you'll find something better than what you're using now.
Understanding Comics and Making Comics by Scott McCloud. Great sources of information on the mechanics of comics, as opposed to drawing style. Check at you're library, but they are definitely worth buying.
Andrew Loomis project - google this from some free to download anatomy books.
Good luck with the Ebon Spire thing!
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:38 am
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oh my god! an in-depth critique!
A lot of the things you said are things that I was thinking of myself. So parts were fixed as the pages progressed, and others will be fixed later on (assuming I pass the audition).
The inking: I started by just using pens (which made the lines shaky at times) but switched to brushes later on (which is why they're smoother about half way through). But, because of the time crunch, the lines are all about the same, since I had to rush, thus neglecting to alternate pens every so often.
the tones: again, these were rushed, so the quality on them isn't the greatest in the world. and, like you said, they got wonky when I resized them. Thing is, I didn't notice it since I was exporting them out of the program. So I didn't actually see them until they were up on the web (at which point it wasn't really worth it to go back and modify).
And there won't be any more gradients like that (assuming - again - that I pass the audition), so it's not that big a problem.
oh, and if you'd like to play picture doctor, go ahead.
the backgrounds: this is probably the biggest sign of the time crunch. I actually considered putting a bunch of cool nazi stuff in there, but then I thought that the soldiers would want to be a bit more careful than that. I guess it's not really clear in the current material, but many of the experiments were malfunctioning (our heroine for one killed at least 5 people), so one would want to keep weapons as far away as possible, should they malfunction again at start up (everything was intended to be only temporarily stored away). And, we'll say that everything else was put in different parts of the storehouse (it's a pretty deep cave).
Other people have commented on the same thing, so this is actually kind of funny, but those aren't photos. I had those as an assignment in one of my art studies not long ago. so, since I was running low on time, I just scanned and pasted the old drawings. Of course, it then occurred that it didn't flow very well with the rest of the art...but I also didn't have much time to fix it.
The filler bgs were just there to break up the constant "cave wallpaper" of sorts. To keep it less boring I suppose.
I've read McCloud before, actually (really good). Rented it awhile ago, but they might still have it at the library.
Oh, and thanks! ^_^
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