Return of the Ancients

[The Black Messiah]

As per the request in the chatterbox forum to post more often, I have decided to post the prologue of my 40k novel. If you guys are interested, I could start uploading it in reasonable sized chunks once or twice a week.

Feel free to comment on it and offer any thoughts you may have. Please note though that all material contain here in copyrighted to my goodself, so don't go spreading it without my permission.

Prologue

Censored for the time being, am planning to pitch the plot of this book to The Black Library when I've finsihed the second chapter. Will continue posting it piece by piece if they reject, you'll have to give me moneyz if they like it XD

Brother Scout Vern, known as "Scope” to his fellow marines, was facing the last minute of his life, and he couldn't see it past the glow of his data slate. After 5 days underground, he'd even taken on the appearance of the corpse he would become.

It’d been 2 years since the Emperor’s Devils had reclaimed this world from the local savages, 9 months since they’d discovered the complex on the southern most landmass, 3 weeks since they’d found the pyramid, 10 days since Scope had volunteered to explore it, and 4 days since he’d lost radio contact with the surface. He was alone in a place where the darkness pressed on him from all sides, save for the dim light coming from his slate.

During his time, Scope had seen some incredible things, but nothing like what was down here. He’d passed through great caverns, his footsteps echoing like those of titans, gone through endless rooms of no known purpose, and still it went on, deeper and deeper underground. Every last detail had been recorded and the time had come for him to return to the surface. Therein lay the problem.

The data slate had logged his every step and had told him exactly how to leave as he’d entered. Except that the path was different now, doors had sealed, new ones had opened. This hadn’t stopped him though, Scope was a marine, and if he could find the way out, he’d make one.

He walked on, when something made him stopped. It felt like a light breeze had brushed his arm. Scout Vern calmly reached down and pulled his bolt pistol out of its holster, cocking it as he raised it. He turned on the spot and gazed into the jaws of oblivion. A huge something swung out and ripped out his chest, his vital organs spilled to the floor like a child dropping its toys. In his last seconds, Vern was aware of a vast bulk hovering in front on him, several of its eyes emitting a soft green glow. He tried to raise his pistol as his final act, but couldn’t summon the strength; instead he simply let the last of his breath out and fell from one darkness to another.

The creature seemed to stare at his corpse for a moment, and then it turned and hovered away. Vern would never know, but his death had triggered a great key to turn in its lock. He had dies in darkness, and as a solider would never be remembered, but what he’d started would stain the imperial records for many millennia to come.  

[Vikki Stardust]

This isn't exactly a whole lot to go on..  

[Blood Raven777]

so far it is good, i have one comment to make, could he be part off a squad that had went into the place to explore and got separted  

[The Black Messiah]

Blood Raven777

so far it is good, i have one comment to make, could he be part off a squad that had went into the place to explore and got separted

I'm liking that idea, I'll give it due consideration, thanks smile  

[Lady Blodwynn]

Censorship might work better when you actually remove the text instead of just striking them through with a line.  

[Glorious Leader Luna]

Whats with the Censorship i mean its not that hard to copy past and format it.
sounds quite good anyway.  

[Caleidah]

Or to, you know, quote the post and just copy out the text.  

[Vikki Stardust]

So, did BL give you a reply?