Quote:
http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm/cmi_860889
By SALISBURY, Robyn
January 11, 2005 Pages(3): 1 | 2 | 3 | Next Page >
"It's cruel to write an article about fat at this time of year when many feel sensitive about the results of their festive indulgences.
HOWEVER, while I was waiting at the airport recently an enormously overweight woman sitting in front of me triggered some thoughts on the role fat can play for us.
First were concerns about how she was ever going to fit into a tiny aeroplane seat and, I have to admit, some selfish concerns that she might be placed next to me! Then my reflections moved on to the role sexuality plays in obesity.
Being heavily overweight can signal many things, from a simple case of bad habits to deep psychological issues.
One of the latter causes not often articulated and explored with obese people, is the urge to hide a sexual self beneath a layer of fat. That's not to suggest that people of any size can't be sexy in their own and others' eyes because of course they can.
However, sex therapists often discover as they explore their clients' feelings about being sexual, an inner fear that has been responded to with overeating. This may have been a conscious decision or may be something of which the individual is totally unaware.
For some, the transition from asexual child to sexual adolescent and adult has not been managed well. It can be difficult for parents to know what kind of information to give their children and when (a good subject for a future column).
This part of life education is often left until early adolescence; a phase of life when young people are often not open to parental input, especially on such an embarrassing topic.
Schools do tackle issues of sexuality now, there are lots of books available and television and film spill over with the topic.
However, the messages given -- particularly in the latter medium - - may not be conducive to the delicate task of discovering and learning to enjoy, be comfortable with and proud of one's sexuality.
Even for those who receive optimal education and support, critical incidents can occur at any stage of life that leave the individual uncomfortable with or actively hating their sexual self. These can be as extreme as molestation or rape, may involve being looked at in the shower by a family member or simply inappropriate comments about teenage breast or genital development.
Regardless of gender, body shape alters dramatically as puberty arrives and young people need lots of appropriate positive feedback and support to own and enjoy their changing body. It's very important for family members to avoid critical or joking comments that can only enhance discomfort or awkwardness. The surging hormones accompanying the changes also take lots of learning for young people to be able to handle.
Anyone struggling with these adjustments has available to them various substances that can comfort, numb, distract. Alcohol, drugs and food all offer temporarily effective yet ultimately destructive ways of distancing oneself from this troublesome body, its sexual feelings and the emotions it houses.
When substance abuse results in weight gain only a few will consciously welcome that as a way of reducing unwanted sexual attention or feelings. There's so much social pressure to be slim that anyone carrying extra weight will often also carry a sense of shame.
When a therapist asks the question "What might you be gaining by placing this layer of fat around your body?", the initial response is often incredulity.
"You've got to be joking, there's NOTHING positive in being fat."
Spending some time reconsidering this response is an important beginning. Susie Orbach, internationally renowned psychotherapist in the field of eating disorders has developed fantasy exercises that can help people visualise themselves in different situations as ways to identify the meaning and purpose of their protective layer.
Those interested to explore the possibility of issues of sexuality being a contributing factor to their weight problem can do some of this on their own.
In a quiet space with closed eyes, imagine being at the current weight, dressed to go to a social event. Picture entering the room, notice any feelings and notice other people's responses. Fast forward the picture to a few hours later and observe some more. Now do the same fantasy exercise at a slimmer weight. Does that create changes and are those positive or negative?
If it's a struggle to complete these exercises alone or the results are very distressing, its time to seek professional help.
Some people discover that in their minds shedding their protective layer will expose them to unwelcome attention. Others associate slimness with releasing a sexual self that frightens them. If uninhibited sexual expression is in any way seen as bad or dirty there can certainly be a vested interest in repressing sexiness.
Its most commonly thought that losing weight requires willpower and a determined effort to reduce calorie intake. When people focus their energy on identifying the need the fat is serving for them and finding other ways to meet or resolve that need, the fat becomes redundant and the urge to overeat diminishes markedly. Owning and enjoying one's sexuality plays a further role in wanting to nurture and enjoy one's body. After all it is a miraculous creation, capable of doing everything from carrying around an individual to generating enormous pleasure for them and their partner to enjoy.
* Robyn Salisbury is a clinical psychologist and director of Sex Therapy New Zealand, a referral network. To seek professional help with any sexual relationship problem phone 06 354-2449 or visit www.sextherapy.co.nz
(C) 2005 Evening Standard. via ProQuest Information and Learning Company; All Rights Reserved
By SALISBURY, Robyn
January 11, 2005 Pages(3): 1 | 2 | 3 | Next Page >
"It's cruel to write an article about fat at this time of year when many feel sensitive about the results of their festive indulgences.
HOWEVER, while I was waiting at the airport recently an enormously overweight woman sitting in front of me triggered some thoughts on the role fat can play for us.
First were concerns about how she was ever going to fit into a tiny aeroplane seat and, I have to admit, some selfish concerns that she might be placed next to me! Then my reflections moved on to the role sexuality plays in obesity.
Being heavily overweight can signal many things, from a simple case of bad habits to deep psychological issues.
One of the latter causes not often articulated and explored with obese people, is the urge to hide a sexual self beneath a layer of fat. That's not to suggest that people of any size can't be sexy in their own and others' eyes because of course they can.
However, sex therapists often discover as they explore their clients' feelings about being sexual, an inner fear that has been responded to with overeating. This may have been a conscious decision or may be something of which the individual is totally unaware.
For some, the transition from asexual child to sexual adolescent and adult has not been managed well. It can be difficult for parents to know what kind of information to give their children and when (a good subject for a future column).
This part of life education is often left until early adolescence; a phase of life when young people are often not open to parental input, especially on such an embarrassing topic.
Schools do tackle issues of sexuality now, there are lots of books available and television and film spill over with the topic.
However, the messages given -- particularly in the latter medium - - may not be conducive to the delicate task of discovering and learning to enjoy, be comfortable with and proud of one's sexuality.
Even for those who receive optimal education and support, critical incidents can occur at any stage of life that leave the individual uncomfortable with or actively hating their sexual self. These can be as extreme as molestation or rape, may involve being looked at in the shower by a family member or simply inappropriate comments about teenage breast or genital development.
Regardless of gender, body shape alters dramatically as puberty arrives and young people need lots of appropriate positive feedback and support to own and enjoy their changing body. It's very important for family members to avoid critical or joking comments that can only enhance discomfort or awkwardness. The surging hormones accompanying the changes also take lots of learning for young people to be able to handle.
Anyone struggling with these adjustments has available to them various substances that can comfort, numb, distract. Alcohol, drugs and food all offer temporarily effective yet ultimately destructive ways of distancing oneself from this troublesome body, its sexual feelings and the emotions it houses.
When substance abuse results in weight gain only a few will consciously welcome that as a way of reducing unwanted sexual attention or feelings. There's so much social pressure to be slim that anyone carrying extra weight will often also carry a sense of shame.
When a therapist asks the question "What might you be gaining by placing this layer of fat around your body?", the initial response is often incredulity.
"You've got to be joking, there's NOTHING positive in being fat."
Spending some time reconsidering this response is an important beginning. Susie Orbach, internationally renowned psychotherapist in the field of eating disorders has developed fantasy exercises that can help people visualise themselves in different situations as ways to identify the meaning and purpose of their protective layer.
Those interested to explore the possibility of issues of sexuality being a contributing factor to their weight problem can do some of this on their own.
In a quiet space with closed eyes, imagine being at the current weight, dressed to go to a social event. Picture entering the room, notice any feelings and notice other people's responses. Fast forward the picture to a few hours later and observe some more. Now do the same fantasy exercise at a slimmer weight. Does that create changes and are those positive or negative?
If it's a struggle to complete these exercises alone or the results are very distressing, its time to seek professional help.
Some people discover that in their minds shedding their protective layer will expose them to unwelcome attention. Others associate slimness with releasing a sexual self that frightens them. If uninhibited sexual expression is in any way seen as bad or dirty there can certainly be a vested interest in repressing sexiness.
Its most commonly thought that losing weight requires willpower and a determined effort to reduce calorie intake. When people focus their energy on identifying the need the fat is serving for them and finding other ways to meet or resolve that need, the fat becomes redundant and the urge to overeat diminishes markedly. Owning and enjoying one's sexuality plays a further role in wanting to nurture and enjoy one's body. After all it is a miraculous creation, capable of doing everything from carrying around an individual to generating enormous pleasure for them and their partner to enjoy.
* Robyn Salisbury is a clinical psychologist and director of Sex Therapy New Zealand, a referral network. To seek professional help with any sexual relationship problem phone 06 354-2449 or visit www.sextherapy.co.nz
(C) 2005 Evening Standard. via ProQuest Information and Learning Company; All Rights Reserved
It really wasn't all too long ago when I was very, very uncomfortable with my own sexuality. I wouldn't say that I was a conscious overeater, but that I never had a firm grounding about living a healthier lifestyle. I had serious self-esteem and confidence issues, but they were related in a lot of things that I would not feel very comfortable talking about here. It would have been safe to say however that I would have developed better had I access to decent therapy. So does this article make a connection? I think it has merit to it.
Nowadays? I still think I'm struggling with developing a sexual identity? But I feel I am ready to face those issues now. Infact, I'm yearning to do so. wink I've developed more confidence in myself now too. And Weight loss is one of those paths to being a sexual adult, in my view.
views, anyone?
