i need mature advice...

[Scarlet Monroe]

hokay so, i am not usually full of drama but the past 2 weeks have been full of drama for me...

i have well had a roommate that i have been taking care of for about a year.. (most of the time he had no job or any goal in life.)

So i finally talked him into going to college, because if i can do it pregnant and make a 4.0. he as a 28 year old man with no job could certainly could do the same, well if not a 4.0 he could at least pass...

well after he started to flunk out of college, with no job. I started to feel used and so did my mom ( i let my mom move into the house i got before, he moved in.) So one day after he skipped class, i made a comment. "so you didn't go to school today again huh?" and he preceded to be nasty to me acting like he had every right to use off of everyone in the house, weather or not he had a job or was doing well in school. So i told him he had a choice he could do okay in school (pass) or he could get a job. So he got angry by this, and threatened my 6 month old son... a six month old baby. because Cynister is my friend i attempted to forgive him of his trespasses, and he got a part time job the next day...

but that Monday he evidently came in the house while i was gone and was very rude with my disabled mother. SO when i got home my mom told my fiance and I that if Cynister didn't leave that she was going to because, she could not get over the fact that a 28 year old man found it necessary to threaten a 6 month old baby, and that he was being rude to her in her own home even after asking forgiveness for threatening my son.

well unfortunately we live in one of the best neighborhoods in our city and there is absolutely no way my fiance and i could afford it on our own. Therefore we have no choice but to let Cyn know that he has to leave our premises.

And for the next hour or so my mom and him are yelling at each other and being nasty to each other, while i am doing my best to remain neutral in the situation. Because i don't want to lose my best friend, so in the meantime he calls his GF and she comes to get him. he packs his stuff and as he is about to leave, he attempts to say that he will be back for his cp chair and his desk. well my mom decides to be an uber biotch and tell him that leaving his stuff is abandonment. ( now mind you i don't agree with my mom at all, i think he should be able to get his stuff.) But he get so angry about this petty argument that he starts to attack my disabled mom over this, and in the midst of physically attacking my mom he threatens my son AGAIN! Well unfortunately at this point i lose it, he hurt my mom (who is fighting cancer) and i went after him. I punched him in the face and i broke his glasses.... and he left.....

well now that the story is told, i miss my friend. But i am confused about everything, i mean my mom's rib is cracked because of him and he threatened my son's well being. When i have done everything in the past 3 years to make his life better. To let him know that there is a better future out there for him, so he doesn't have to settle with being "lower class" as it were. But i guess my main question is, should i let him know that i still care greatly about his well being and hope to restore our friendship? or should i let it go, because he threatened my son and hurt my mother?  

[Rellik San]

To be honest I'd let him go, it'll be the hardest thing you've done, but he threatened your child and your mother and in that situation family comes first.

It sounds to me like he was just expecting a free ride, I mean you are completely right, he was taking the piss he didn't have to work and all he had to do was stay in college, hell I'm sure even if he just took night classes to get a mechanics qualification you'd have been happy because he was making an effort.

Now I'm not gonna pretend to know the full history, but it does sound to me like he's just a drain on your life and such and to be honest I could never forgive someone for doing what he did (Guess you're a better being then I). But at the end of the day, you have your own life to lead and you can't be worrying about what a 32 year old man is going to do to your 4 year old son if your son does something to make him angry whilst you're out. You have to think of the future consequences, because its plainly obvious the guy is completely irrational, maybe when he has his stuff together, maybe then make moves to repair the friendship, but if you do you also have to let him know you can't be in the same house together, as its plainly apparent it doesn't work.

That's just my opinion and you can take it or leave it, but in this case you have to put your mother and child's well being before his or even your own.  

[Keevan Draco]

Rellik hit it square on the coffin nail....

I could say "time and tide, luv", all things pass as you go on.

It is better to forgive, but never forget that the guy was using you for his own ends, and as much as you value his friendship, if he was a true friend, he wouldn't be using you and your family as a place to exist while having his own "failure to launch".

If you wish to remain friends with him, that's fine....it just shows that you are a better person than most people, but.....set the friendship on your own terms and conditions. Don't allow the friendship to progress to the "dependant" stage.

Ultimately, it's your decision....but do keep the needs of your kid, and mother, and more importantly, yourself first and foremost in your life, the rest is just horsefodder.....some friendships included.  

[sublime_necromancer]

I'll attempt to take this situation as mature as I can...forgive me or delete this post of it seems offensive to you.

I would have kicked him to the curb long ago. I commend you for sticking your neck out for your bestfriend, but you really need to get a back bone. I was staying with a friend of mine (of five years), I was her border for six months, though I had difficulty finding work, I was five hours away from the city I was in before, and was experiencing some emotional difficulties that I did my best to keep at bay. However, I could not cope with her b/f always coming over and "doing their business" while I was trying to sleep. My friend's mom was living there as well (she "did her business" with the b/f while her mom was away), and not knowing the town, being broke, and emotionally unstable, I felt I was being tortured hearing my former friend and her guy go at it...so I snapped at her and called her every name in the book, and called her an ungrateful friend for not considering my feelings, laying on a Empire State Building sized guilt trip on her, etc. A week after that, she kicked me to the curb, with obvious ability to, and it hurt, and I hated her for it for years, but aside from that, I couldn't get away from the fact that she was right. What your friend put you through after all your generousity toward him, should be recognized by him, and you did NOTHING wrong and NOTHING close to what my friend did (though I do realize she owned the place, and therefore could have had an orgy right in front of me, not letting me join, and I couldn't do anything about it). So don't feel bad about your actions, and move on. He went as far as to threaten and harm your family, I'm surprised that you didn't report him to the cops. As the saying goes "blood is thicker then friendship", and in that way, not even your bestfriend, nor (and I'm not assuming anything) your partner has ANY authority over your feelings and/or wellbeing.  

[-Lo Va Tits-]

i dont know if this is the right thing to do but this is what i propose i would suggest staying friends with him but just not living together.