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| Were you or are you a teen parent or is one of your kids? |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
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 Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:23 am
AngiG1970 I was 17 when I got married and got pregnant a few months later with my first of four boys. We are still married 20 1/2 years later. It was what I chose and I was very happy with it and wouldn't change a thing. My husband wouldn't change a thing. Our lives weren't ruined. My parents got pregnant with me and married a few months later. I was born a few days after my fathers highschool graduation. Their lives weren't ruined either. My son will be 18 in a few months. She will be 18 next month. They have been together for a year and a bit. They were planning to marry with or without consent after graduation anyway. They will be fine. They both have strong supportive families. Plenty of people to help take care of the baby after its born while they go to school and work. They were already saving for a house. He doesn't currently have a job but he is getting one asap. Which means tomorrow if he can. He isn't irrisponsible and he knows what is ahead of him. Although this baby wasn't planned and they were using protection, its on its way anyway. I only read the first three replies earlier. I was astounded that people still think that way when there are so many things people can do today. My son is family orientated. She is too. They know the first few years will be hard while they go to college etc. But they also know that there will be help as long as they need it. Niether family raised kids to be foolish or stupid. Things happen. Both families are there for them . There is no reason why these two can't raise a baby and have a happy marriage. Lives aren't ruined because of babies. Lives just change. Lives change anyway. Babies are a blessing. Well said. I agree with your last bit.
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:05 pm
If the father loves the mother, and steps up to the responsibility, that's a family, regardless of ages and others' expectations. Congratulations, and good luck!
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:08 pm
TheoryMage Amazing how negative some people are around here. What we all should be saying - Congratulations on the baby that's coming. I wish you, your son, and the mother of his baby the best of luck and strength in the next few years. I also hope they have a happy, healthy baby. You have our support in any decision made for this baby. thank you for saying all of that. Its hard for me because its a very small town area that we live in. We know almost everyone. I have a very good reputation around here. So it was a bit hard on me for the first few hours. But then I got over that and was fine. I wasn't mad. I was just hoping that it wouldn't happen for a while. Like a year or two or at least until after he finished with the acadamy. He plans to go into law enforcement as soon as he is old enough and even has talked about running for sherrif some day when he is experienced and quite a bit older. Say like in 20 years. He has goals and plans but they always included a family he just thought it would only be him and her for a few years. He is looking forward to this though. He is already changing before my eyes. Talking about how his brothers need to be neater around here so something doesn't trip her or something. Allowing no smoking by anyone around her and talking about eating healthier because its only fair because she has to eat healthier too. Hes already been checking out the prices of diapers and formula and was more then a little amazed that they were so high and was trying to figure out how many hours he would have to work for just one can of formula or one package of diapers. Told everyone he only wanted money for Christmas and Birthday's so they could put it towards the baby and a place to live etc. Its amazing what news like that can do to an almost 18 year old. But he takes this seriously. He doesn't even want her getting upset. He was originally asking for an electric guitar when we moved. But asked for help getting a second car so it would be easier on them. We are getting him the car although it won't be new at all. But we know someone who is going to give us a good deal on a really good older model and there are enough mechanics in the family that we can have anything that might be wrong with it fixed in no time. As for me... I like to sew and create. I was just looking up sewing patterns for baby clothing and items on the web.
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:13 pm
Taxi Mama If the father loves the mother, and steps up to the responsibility, that's a family, regardless of ages and others' expectations. Congratulations, and good luck! thank you. biggrin
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Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 11:13 pm
Brain Akazariua eek way to freaking young
your second son right? I take it he is around the 17. he really ******** up his life already if he becomes a father at his age no offence but biggest douche thing to say it all depends on how she raised him not all young people are stupid when it comes to being parents
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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:01 am
Congratulations. That must've been a shock. I do hope that things go well, it surely won't be easy for anyone. Your son might need a lot of support. I'd imagine that guy that young can have hell of a stress over the situation.
Me and my twin were born when our mom was twenty years. Our parents had to get married for that, it was quite different times then and in a old fashioned society too. They had no real choises and being dependant on my fathers parents lasted for years. It would have been good and helpful thing, but they were practically under old folks command.
And us twins were in the middle of it. We learned to lie fluently as situation needed, to protect our parents from what ever whim or act of power tried to turn us away from our parents. We were raised (tried) to be Family's children, not our parents. We were almost eighteen when we got away from there and our parents, now at age 46 are finally living their own lives at different addresses.
That is one serious drawback of grandparents helping, becoming too dominant over their childrens and their childrens lives. So please. Give space when needed. Family is all related via blood, but the small unit is most important.
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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 8:25 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 2:54 pm
I was not a teenager, but the first one in my family (I have an extremely large, very tight knit extended family.) to have a baby. I was single, and baby's daddy was (and still is) more stress and headache than help.
Because my family and especially my parents pulled together to help me, having my daughter was a blessing for all of us. I'm definitely her mom, and my my partner and I have been on our own for 8 years now with her (she'll be 9 in two weeks eek ), but the family kinda views her as "the family's kid." She was born five years before any of the other "grandkids," and all of the women in my family constantly have "baby fever," so she got to be the baby fix/kid fix for everyone in my family. She's super close with her aunts, uncles and my cousins who she also calls auntie or uncle.
I think it's awesome that you and your family are going to have this joyful experience. It's not the choice or path for everyone, but no child born into a loving family is ever a mistake.
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:01 pm
After reading all of the posts, I can certainly see why some would see things being interpreted from a negative tone...
My youngest patient that is pregnant is 13 years old.. she just found out about a month ago. She calls me up worried about how her medical bills are going to be just for the pregnancy, going through some hard times at home, the whole nine-yards.
One of the things I like to do is outreach... whether they are 13, 20, or 40... I supply a list of resources available, telephone numbers, agencies, especially prenatal care information... Im in touch with our community here (largest city in New Hampshire and its getting bigger) the resources available is astounding!
The reality of any teenager (both the pregnant girl and the young father-to-be), is that it is a significant challenge for them ultimately. Even with all the help in the family.. whether material, financial... they will still have a difficult time.
Most pregnant teens who stay at home cant get state Medicaid coverage because they consider the whole household's income... and that can easily disqualify anyone... We hope the teens are still in school.. but will their school continue to educate them without fear of discrimination? Ive heard a few cases here and there where schools felt it was a liability for them to allow a pregnant student to continue to attend. HUGE lawsuit came out of that one, and lets just say, the girl can afford to be private tutored at home now because of it. But, if they are lucky, there are some schools in the country that have a special program for the pregnant couple to take advantage of while finishing education.
Then there is the issue of work. While you are in school, there are STRICT labor laws that explain how many hours you can work during a normal school week. Not very money-producing, especially when minimum wage is a commonplace rate for teens entering the workforce while attending school. Add a pregnant teen into the equation, she can risk being discriminated anonymously and not get an equal chance at that job... let's face it.. an employer taking a young pregnant teenager who will have to leave within the next few months to go on maternity leave... makes it difficult to run a business... and that is not anyone's fault.. its just a fact.
Cost of living:.... I remember 15 years ago, diapers were considered expensive, and then there was a BIG promo of diaper companies promoting more cost-effective merchandise without sacrificing quality. You could call up the company and get coupons for an entire year towards the purchases.
I have frequent correspondence with a vendor from Nestle, who makes an assortment of baby formulas... They participate with state programs like "WIC" that allow their products to be accepted by the WIC program.. especially for those babies who are born with allergies...
Cost of medical appointments when you have no insurance... Now, I say this from up-to-date experience.... Each state, each City, each town charges different rates for office visits... its not all the same. I have three Pediatric offices that I do the billing for, PLUS I handle all of the State of NH Medicaid newborn claims...
A claim for "Attendance at delivery" alone.... is $350.00, thats hoping there are no complications with the baby or the mother. And that is not including the doctor-fees, hospital fees, then.. if you have insurance,... you may have to pay coinsurances and deductibles because you have a new family member going on coverage to which you have to satisfy a new deductible before the insurance covers the child... depends on the insurance as well, of course..
Late nights when the baby is crying, not in a sleeping pattern... breast feeding or bottle feeding, immunizations and the fussy baby, dealing with sick babies... Losing time out of work because State laws prohibit a child from attending day care with a fever of 101F or higher... contagious diseases like Chicken Pox that generally have no average time of duration... how to preplan ahead when you lose work because of this...
As a teenager, granted, they can juggle alot... truly.... but, when you add a pregnancy/child to that equation, juggling is not as easy as it was before becoming with-child. Teenagers dont have freedoms they used to when that baby is born. Im not saying this is the case for your son, but, most teens dont like giving up the freedom of being able to go out with their friends, grab a pizza at 11:00pm after a high school football game...
Its great he is stepping up right now and looking at things.. honestly.. it is.. but this hasnt hit him fully, and I would imagine it hasnt hit her fully either.
When some of the posters said "his life is ruined".. I dont believe they meant it as heavily-negative as some took it. They recognize as adults that this is now a life-altering event... the sacrifices that must be made to make this baby/child a number one priority is HUGE and not always an accepted task by teenagers. Again, Im not saying your son wont accept this, but, from the hundreds of patients I work with... I see a common trend in the majority of cases.
They both should be scared, and if they are, this will be good 'tackling fuel' to become more educated and in-the-know (sorry for the Waterboy reference, but it is so true).
I would highly suggest talking with a Family-Planning Counselor.. have the teens together in this... leave it up to them if they want the parents in there as well... if they dont, I hope you will respect their choice which Im sure you will. A Family Planning Counselor is trained in working with underaged parents-to-be and can help them get information on how to access the numerous amounts of services and agencies that are out there that can help. It is a TREMENDOUS asset to take advantage of.... your son and his better-half can call your local hospital's "Ask a Nurse" hotline and ask for any referral to a Family Planning Counselor in your area... Its a great tool to use.
The thing to remember here the most is that, your son chose to be up-front and honest with you. That is GOOD morals. He obviously was taught he could go to his parents with something serious and he chose well.
Some one had posted that he wasnt taught morals... I think that was off-color and unnecessary. That is casting judgement on a person and I think if people can step back (like I did), look at this picture that has been presented... obviously this teenaged son did what was right. We WANT our kids to come to us when times are challenging and hard. How can parents help our kids if they cant come to us comfortably?
Your son should be commended for being open and honest and stepping up and acknowledging this. I cant tell you how many teens AND parents I would love to give a piece of my mind when they just want to blame others for what happened and not deal with the current situation at hand.
Just my two-cents
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:44 pm
I think that the reason why the first couple of posts, especially, were of "oh man, he's toast" variety was because of the initial presentation and subject line. It was probably read somewhere along these lines: "Out of the blue my son -- who isn't even old enough to vote yet -- just told me that I'm going to be a grandmother!" You didn't put a positive spin on or it or say that you're happy for him. It seemed to be more of a "Oh! My!" statement.
Having said that: your son has both my congratulations and sympathy. I do not envy him the hours of waking up to feed the little one coming on, but I think that with a mom like you (and a family like yours) that he and she both will be able to get through this with their child as a blessing.
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:53 pm
I have a 17 year old neice coming to live with my husband and I in a week. She is the mother of a 7 month old baby girl.
I myself have a 19 year old daughter and a 17 year old son(as a matter of fact my neice and son are two days apart) my daught is serving our country in the Army and my son, still in high school, is serving in the reserves.
I'm hoping that I have the ability to give my neice the same guidance I gave my two and pray that my two don't make the same mistakes.
It's pretty scary to think about.
I say that because although having a good support system is extremely valuable during this time, it is also important to know who you are as person before bringing another life into the world. And at a younger age when you're begining to figure out who you are and where you want to go and how you want to get there, having a child means scarficies. It's a 24 hour a day job that lasts 7 days a week. As wonderful as it is, I pray my children do better than I. I pray that they are able to set a foundation for the path they choose to take. I pray that when the time comes the are ready in every way (mainly emotionally and mentally) to care for the precious life they are about to bring into the world.
I know not all things go as planned, I'm not idealistic but it's hard trying to figure out who you are while guiding the knowledge of another.
Good Luck to you and your family. May God bless and keep you all.
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 1:14 am
AngiG1970 I was 17 when I got married and got pregnant a few months later with my first of four boys. We are still married 20 1/2 years later. It was what I chose and I was very happy with it and wouldn't change a thing. My husband wouldn't change a thing. Our lives weren't ruined. My parents got pregnant with me and married a few months later. I was born a few days after my fathers highschool graduation. Their lives weren't ruined either. My son will be 18 in a few months. She will be 18 next month. They have been together for a year and a bit. They were planning to marry with or without consent after graduation anyway. They will be fine. They both have strong supportive families. Plenty of people to help take care of the baby after its born while they go to school and work. They were already saving for a house. He doesn't currently have a job but he is getting one asap. Which means tomorrow if he can. He isn't irrisponsible and he knows what is ahead of him. Although this baby wasn't planned and they were using protection, its on its way anyway. I only read the first three replies earlier. I was astounded that people still think that way when there are so many things people can do today. My son is family orientated. She is too. They know the first few years will be hard while they go to college etc. But they also know that there will be help as long as they need it. Niether family raised kids to be foolish or stupid. Things happen. Both families are there for them . There is no reason why these two can't raise a baby and have a happy marriage. Lives aren't ruined because of babies. Lives just change. Lives change anyway. Babies are a blessing.
I was initially going to congratulate you and your son, because I think having a baby is a wonderful thing! I'm expecting one of my own and I'm extremely excited! Now I'm just a bit outraged that people would say having a baby would ruin your life! Yeah, it'll definitely be a huge change, and it is quite scary no matter what the age (seeing as I'm nearly 24 and even I think -I'M- too young to be having kids), but it is a blessing. Your son is very lucky to have such support behind him. I congratulate the both of you!!
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:30 pm
Congratulations Angi. Gramma's get to give them back when the baby starts crying. blaugh I'm looking forward to it, and it can happen at any time (my daughters are 18 and almost 20), but I don't want it to happen too soon. They still have work to do before it's a good idea.
Both of my girls were unexpected, and I was 18 when I got pregnant with my eldest. Now we hit the rock concerts together, as the family fun. rofl
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:24 pm
I think all the posts that say" his life is ruined " don't have kids. I have 4 kids(8 months-10yrs) and to think that I could be a grandparent as early as 7 years is kinda scary but also I love baby's. blaugh all that does is make me feel old. lol. lol but really 17 almost 18 is young but is isn't so young that they couldn't still do the things that they want to do in life. (clubbing isn't a necessity) they just have to work a little harder. I wish them the best of luck. biggrin
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:52 pm
Expensive? No way! The perfect baby food is FREE, and needs no preparation! My mom breast fed all four of us, and I breast fed both of mine. Ask me anything! Or call your local La Leche League chapter... they have weekly meetings you can attend beforehand, and see how it's done.
As for diapers... you can buy cloth diapers (and various waterproof covers) and launder them; yucky, but very cheap! I subscribed to a diaper service, since I could afford it.
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