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 Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 1:29 pm
Not enough guys responded to this.
I certainly believe you can love someone forever. I've only been married a year, and been in the relationship for about 4 years {about 3 of them being long-distance} so what I say about my own relationship might not mean much regarding the long run. However, talking with my spouse's grandmother and how she speaks of her late husband, I can guarantee you that she still loves him... and it's kind of sad actually talking to her about him because you can see just how much she misses him.
On another subject, guys aren't that complicated, especially when compared to women. It seems the guy in question has the problem that he's had bad relationships in the past, so has trust issues when it comes to new relationships. Being with a friend makes it more sketchy because that introduces the potential of losing something much more valuable if things don't go right... or just from perceiving that things might not go right.
When people are friends before they date, I think it makes the relationship stronger, but many are skeptical about entering such relationships when they see and/or imagine the potential of the relationship going sour because then they lose a friend rather than just someone that they liked to have sex with. Plus it can change their perception of each other when they know each other in a more intimate manner. I, myself, was turned down at least twice in high school because I was "too much of a friend" to date stare
However, friendships can still escalate into relationships even if either or both are against dating friends... as they grow more comfortable with each other and open up with each other, gradually a bond forms. Sometimes it might take them a few girlfriends/boyfriends to realize it though sweatdrop
I think the decision to just wait it out is probably the best at this point... he obviously needs some space or at least thinking room before committing to anything, but still has a longing to be in a relationship. A side effect that can come from having been in relationships for an extended period of time is it can cause someone to be dependent on it, or just so used to it that they feel a need to have it, even if they are not ready.
In my case, my spouse and I were both friends first... and were both in separate relationships and thus weren't looking to be with each other. However, we knew that we enjoyed each other's company better than the company of those that we were with, and both our relationships ended at around the same time for similar reasons.... kind of an odd coincidence now that I think about it.
I never asked my spouse out, and they never asked me out... we just kind of gradually made our way into being together through a mutual and unspoken agreement and now suddenly we've been married for a year even though I never proposed blaugh sweatdrop I guess some would find that "unromantic", but as long as it works... *shrug*
It's not that I love my spouse less because I didn't ask them out or propose... we just kind of felt like it would be redundant. We talked and acted like a couple and made plans for getting married and living and spending the rest of our lives together... these topics would just randomly come up in normal conversation without us going out of our way to bring it up and discuss it.
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:32 am
I think you can love someone with all your heart.. I have been married 28 years to the same person. For us its like fine wine it grows sweeter through the years.. Hes my best friend and my confident. Hes the one person I tell all my secrets too. Im not saying its been easy its been alot of work. Learning to communicate, trust, getting through some very hard times. Our marriage is the one thing I havent wanted to give up on .We both are in it for the long haul. My mother-in-law was married for 48 years . Hes gone now but still misses him. Its two people working, caring, for a relationship to work. Not giving up because you dont like something..
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Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:12 pm
I'll be honest. I feel the same way. It hurts since I knew the guy since I was 13 years old.. yet somewhat same situation. talked/long distance relationship for 2 years, 2 years lived together and then he cheated on me and was seeing someone who he met on one of his trips out for "training"
I lived with him for a month after finding this out and went INSANE.
All I can really say is don't worry, you aren't alone on this. I feel the same way. Though I do honestly think there is hope out there somewhere. I look at my parents and regardless of the fact that they've had some rocky times.. Its more then obvious they love each other.
I really hope its not wishful thinking lol. But I guess in a sense like they say.. Its better to have loved. At least you know what it was like to feel warm and gushy.. lol. and it was nice for those moments in time. I forgot.. There was a saying that someone had for this..
"When you love you know its not real." IM SO EMO/JADED lol
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Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 7:31 am
I wish I could offer advice from a positive relationship. But my 4 (it would have been five last week... ._.) year marriage ended abruptly last March.
It's my fault, I think. I let her walk all over me. I let her cheat on me multiple times, and the idea of divorce never even crossed my mind. I flirted with other girls, but never intended for anything to come of it. I like making people feel good about themselves. Sue me.
Anyway... yeah. Was talking to her (now boyfriend) friend's then-girlfriend. She was feeling like crap. Tried to cheer her up. She started coming on to me. I (gently as I could...) shot her down. She called her boyfriend while I was asleep and told him I was all over her, grabbing her in places, and generally drooling all over her. her boyfriend and my wife were at work at the time. We had stayed the night at their place. So wife got home, and decided that SHE wanted to leave ME.
Granted, I was devastated for the next 5 months. And then in August, she strung that "reconciliation" carrot in front of me, and I spent money on her so she could have food and clothes. Turned out that was just because her boyfriend was in jail (again.. he's been in and out 4 times since she left me). so I got used for money, food, and sex. Then he got out. And now she's like "I'm going to have to PRY a divorce out of his hands"
she doesn't have to pry anything. I'm trying to get my live back on track. I just now have a place to live, and am trying to get a vehicle now. We had one, but stupid me, I let her have it, and it got totaled in under 2 months.
argh, I'm going off-topic.
Point is... I thought she was the one, and was prepared to go to forever with her. I guess she had other plans. I still need to apologize to our pastor. It was a great wedding ceremony. It sucks that it was all a waste.
Or was it? I don't regret marrying her... Just how it turned out. And how she changed those last two weeks before she left.
Oh, and as if to pour salt on the wound, I found out (on the day of our wedding anniversary) that she's 10 weeks pregnant. Joy. after 4 years of being careful when we both wanted to have children together, but knowing we weren't ready, she goes and has one with a guy she hasn't even known for 6 months.
*shrug* I hate having to bum rides wherever I go...
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Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:05 am
Take what you can... Quite a lot of guys think about relationships that way. I've met enough guys to say that. I do still believe that there are guys that are still able to stay faithful to their wife. The cheating and having multiple relationships seems to be a trend among youngsters these days. But true love still does exist, but it takes a lot of commitment to be able to let that love last a lifetime. Love isn't just sex alone, but you should also understand one another on what you and he/she wants. You must also accept the other's flaws in personality since everyone has his/her quirks. But people often forget that and in some cases a seemingly happy marriage ends up in a divorce. ...Give nothing back!
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Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:29 pm
I have felt the deepest kind of love there is *for me*. And I can honestly say I will love him for the rest of my life. The problem is you can be inlove with someone for the rest of your life. But is it really capable for both people to be in love together for the rest of their lives?? I don't really know anyone who have been together more then 30 years, and be HAPPY together.
I want to believe more then anything in the world that someone will be able to be as in love with me as I am with them. But life changes so quickly, and things happen so fast. Sometimes its hard for love to stay alive. Especially in my 20's where everyone my age is going through so many changes. Do I really have to wait till I'm in my mid-thirties to find someone I have a chance of being with forever?
I have been in love once. That deep passionate incredible scary beautiful touching love. And it ruined me. That was just about 3 years ago. *even though it feels like yesterday*. I say I think about that guy every single day of my life. But does he think about me? I highly doubt it.
But I DO and will continue to believe that there are two hearts out there that love on the same level, and when they come together its harmony.
That is the kind of love I believe can and will last forever. You just have to be willing to go out there and find it. I can't imagine saying because I have been hurt I am not going to go back out there and see where the guy who loves with all his heart just like me is. I wanna be in love and I wanna be happy..And if I didn't believe that one day I will feel that and it will last forever..then really..whats the point of life?
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Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 1:44 am
It is definitely possible to love someone forever. It just takes understanding and compatibility. Women want to be cherished, and they appreciate the little things that say 'I love you'. Men love to feel needed, and be accepted for who they are. When both sides figure this out, the relationship will last much, much longer than the doubts!
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Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:22 am
When I think of long-lasting love, I think of my grandparents. My grandmother ended up having to be put in a nursing home with Alzheimer's, and my grandpa was devistated. He even stopped going to church for a while (which is a big thing for a former preacher). He took care of her when her memory was failing for about 8 years. There were times he would get so angry that he would have to go out to the store or something for a break (after calling his pastor to keep an eye on her while he was gone), but he always came back to help her because he loved her and wanted to take care of her. Even though she was in the nursing home, he never stopped visiting her, even after she didn't know who he was. Until they both passed away last year, he always made the trip to visit her and let her know that she had someone that loved her, even if she didn't know him.
I even consider my parents, who have had a lot of bumps on the road. They each have their own room to do stuff in seperatly, and spend time doing things alone. But they also take the time to do stuff together, go out to eat when they can or meet for lunch (since my mom still works). It's the little things that say the most, like the two of them trying to outdo each other with their Christmas gifts. They have a firm friendship and know each other very well, which is one of the main reasons they want to stay together.
So, yes, I do believe love can last forever. That first flash of 'ohmygod i have to be with them all the time' wears off, and you need that friendship and that connection with each other afterwards, but if you've taken the time to build a friendship, either before or during the infatuation phase, you have a very good chance of staying together. The problem I see is that so many people don't want to work at making a relationship last and they give up too easy. I'm not saying every relationship can last, but there are so many people that give up after the first fight and don't want to try and commit themselves to each other that I've seen so many relationships that have potential end because the people give up too soon.
Anyhoo, sorry for the ramblings, just my two cents and why I feel that way. ^_^;
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:46 pm
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I still hold out hope for finding love. For finding that woman that I can't live without. It's hard for me to trust as well, but if it's love, I believe that between you and the person you want most, you can tear down that wall together.
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:44 pm
If you find the right person, you just click.
My parents are one of the few couples that is still together and they are very much in love. My mom is 48 and my dad is 52 and they still love each other, they are not just putting up with each other.
You can love someone with everything you have, for the rest of your life. Anyone who says differently has a twisted version of true love.
It will be beautiful when you have it and dont let other people tell you otherwise
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Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 3:49 am
from what I see, this is still an issue razz
For one:
Don't go for the friend. Honestly if he's going to toy around with you then he's missing out.
He is wrong, it's his opinion that all older married couples are is what he says. If that's what he wants to believe, that's all he'll get.
You should find someone with more similar beliefs. Yes someone said that it's the fact that your significant other gives them butterflies still at this age and time. You should feel this.
A relationship is never based on bedroom relations. That's always just a bonus and a perk to a relationship. There's a balance and sometimes there's just sex drives and sometimes they match and are at a higher rate.
i'm 21. The closest thing to real love that I have gotten was maybe 4 months dating "the one" to the point where I gave her a promise ring. Of course, she broke that promise on account that she didn't love me as much as she thought she did. Idk. I would have to say that I am at a point where you are. A point of, is this it? Is there more? Why should I even bother? Why break something that's already broken? I spent 5 months in a depression over this girl, it's been 6 months and I can still see her clear as day. I'm slowly letting go and I am in a new relationship, I would say I am a bit guarded but so far, it's been helping.
As you can see in my siggy, Love ends in tears. It's a matter of what kind of tears they are. Sometimes they are tears of sadness. And I'm sure that many have been in sadness. But Love also ends in tears at the altar. I wrote that when I was 15. I was 15 and have had a long streak of rejections and heartbreak. It was a matter of of a darkened view on the world. But what I wrote was must deeper than I could have imagined at the time.
Love ends in tears. Women cry at weddings. Women cry tears of joy, as did my ex at a very beautiful and romantic presentation on a snow covered valentine's day. some people cry happiness or cry after being tickled too hard.
you will find someone, it's just going to take some time to find that one person who will make you truly happy year after year. so I wish you happy hunting biggrin
Please don't go with the friend, he's had too much time to become serious. He is toying with you and you do not need it biggrin
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:21 pm
i totally understand what you're saying. i was married (and still am until my freakin divorce goes thru stressed ) and now that i'm single i find it very hard to trust men. i met someone thru eharmony.com and we dated for 7 months until he decided to end it (still don't know why stressed ). i don't seem to have luck with guys, but i still believe that there is a guy out there for who will love and care for me.
dating and relationships can be very difficult for someone that's been with one person for many years. i had to do alot of soul searching these past few years and i've come to the conclusion that if i don't love myself, how can i possibly love someone else. try to stay positive. you'll find that special someone, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but that person is out there just waiting for you to fill their life with love and happiness razz good luck heart 4laugh heart
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 10:39 pm
Door Au Revoir Yeah, it's another topic on love. So, I was in a four year long relationship until about November of last year when my loved one decided he was interested in some other girl and wound up cheating on me. Now I've been single for almost a year and I think I've been doing really well re-gathering who I am and so on, but I've found it difficult to trust others. Last night, I got into a discussion with a friend whom I have really strong feelings for (which he returned at one point and then decided we were getting too close and claimed he just wanted to be friends because every time he gets near me he gets scared) and we started discussing the topic of love. I brought up my grandparents who have been married for 50 some years and they still act like they're in love.. At that point he told me that that's not love anymore; that when you get to that age, it's just tolerance and probably really great sex.. What I want to know is, is that true? Or do you think it's possible to truly love someone with all your heart the rest of your life? Because I'm feeling that if what he said is true, then I'm better off staying alone, especially if a majority of men feel this way... Which I actually find really disheartening and depressing, because after what I went through, I so badly wanted to believe that yes, love still is out there and that someone some day will be able to give me what my ex could not for the rest of my life. Feh. And now I just feel kind of awkward pouring my heart out here. sweatdrop Opinions, please? No Offense but he sounds like a judgmental jerk. I also feel you'd do better to find someone with the same values as yours and not go for someone who seems like he's leading you on. Crushes can sometimes lead to love but in this case, you may be hurt by him as you already know his feelings and what not. As for his take on your grandparents marriage, Don't be quick to buy it. There are people who have been married for years that are still very much in love with each other. Love isn't something you can fake and is OFTEN mistaken by infatuation. When in a relationship, your partner's true colors will always come to light. If you don't like what you see, cut your losses and keep moving. Don't dwell over the what ifs and don't blame yourself ever for a failed relationship if you KNOW you are not at fault. The guy for you is out there. It's just up to you to not miss him.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 9:22 pm
wow srry to say this but all this talk about wat love is and isnt is kinda depressing. sweatdrop
anyways you should know that not all guys really know what love really is excecpt other than the part about sex.
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