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 Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:10 am
I guess it's really more of a poem at this point, but I plan on making a song to go with it soon. I know it doesn't seem to flow well now, but when I finish the song with the music, it should sound much better.
The longstanding oak in his silence does soak,
In his infinite wisdom tells never a joke
Watches elm pass with pine, stands the true test of time
Branches growing more fine-- oh, another one broke!
The time now is right for a great show of lights
It certainly shall be a beautiful sight
Glowing yellow and red-- oh, but many are dead!
In the fields overhead, a small match a man strikes.
~
Wings flutter, feet scramble, throats howl, squeak and hoot
A thick cloud of ash o'er a mountain of soot
The years and the history of decade and century
All lead to this moment, the burning of root
~
The time now is right for a great show of lights
It certainly shall be a beautiful sight
Glowing yellow and red-- oh, we'll soon all be dead!
I can't see overhead, for the fire is too bright.
...
I can't see overhead, as the forest ignites!
~
Ashes to ashes, covered in dust
Each ring a memory, lost in the end
The garments, his leaves, the color of rust
For the lighting of one match-- the folly of men
My newer one (in another post, toward the bottom of this page) is better.
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Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:37 pm
sad
I guess no one likes it?
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:20 pm
Collapsing New Igloos sad I guess no one likes it? Not true. D: I like it. biggrin
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:28 pm
Blackrose Kaire Collapsing New Igloos sad I guess no one likes it? Not true. D: I like it. biggrin It's not that no body likes it....it's that hardly any of us are that know enough about poetry and such to actually give you valuable comments. For a lot of us, it doesn't really go beyond "cool", "i like it", "nice mood", or "wow so deep." We'd rather give you something that you can really use as advice or whatever you're looking for. All I can say is that I like it, the way you wrote it, and the words you used. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:16 pm
Thank you
(This is my new account, as my old one won't work)
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:18 am
XWraith_LordX Blackrose Kaire Collapsing New Igloos sad I guess no one likes it? Not true. D: I like it. biggrin It's not that no body likes it....it's that hardly any of us are that know enough about poetry and such to actually give you valuable comments. For a lot of us, it doesn't really go beyond "cool", "i like it", "nice mood", or "wow so deep." We'd rather give you something that you can really use as advice or whatever you're looking for. All I can say is that I like it, the way you wrote it, and the words you used. 3nodding Well that, and this is one of the slower moving sections... I think?
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:11 pm
Blackrose Kaire XWraith_LordX Blackrose Kaire Collapsing New Igloos sad I guess no one likes it? Not true. D: I like it. biggrin It's not that no body likes it....it's that hardly any of us are that know enough about poetry and such to actually give you valuable comments. For a lot of us, it doesn't really go beyond "cool", "i like it", "nice mood", or "wow so deep." We'd rather give you something that you can really use as advice or whatever you're looking for. All I can say is that I like it, the way you wrote it, and the words you used. 3nodding Well that, and this is one of the slower moving sections... I think? Yah. There's nothing for me to really comment on. This whole guild is a bit slow for me. But that's me, myself, and I....we need speed. twisted
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:28 am
This one's a little generic, and like the other one, it rhymes way too much... buuuuuuuuuuuut ---------
in a city lined by empty streets
dying bricks crumble in the heat
giving into silence, weeds have won
decay in the faint glow of orange sun
I almost forgot.
shadows climb fences, and specters scale walls
the words of the birds on dead ears will fall
I awake from my slumber, cased in dust
I don't want the tears to fall, but they must
I almost forgot
I will wander in this desert all my time
searching for a reason, for a sign
if only for that time to pass
I know now what I find now will never last
I can't seem to
Thanks for reminding me,
I almost forgot to laugh.
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:20 pm
You just gave my heart a huge jolt. eek
I had a dream exactly like that, and at the end of it I spun around laughing, then the dream transitioned into something else that involved the pyramids falling down while I danced on top of them with my friends and we tried to buy sea shell jewelry.
Oh, I really like the imagery from the first stanza and the first part of the second stanze. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:53 pm
XWraith_LordX You just gave my heart a huge jolt. eek I had a dream exactly like that, and at the end of it I spun around laughing, then the dream transitioned into something else that involved the pyramids falling down while I danced on top of them with my friends and we tried to buy sea shell jewelry. Oh, I really like the imagery from the first stanza and the first part of the second stanze. 3nodding Thanks. biggrin Oh, and that is a funny coincidence. Your dreams like mine: incredibly wacky (referring to the sea shell jewelry).
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