Child Abuse

[Henneth Annun]

So, I was thinking about many events from my life and those of many others that I know and this topic was inspired. Child abuse. How do we know when something becomes abuse? Is one form of abuse worse than another (physical, emotional, neglect…), and how does the age of the child play into effect? How does it affect personality development and are different people affected in different ways? Do most abusers know that they are abusing the child? How do you decide what is a just punishment and what is abuse? Where does the treatment of a child cross the line into abuse? And if a child has been raised in a certain environment all their life and knows nothing else and doesn’t think that they have been abused, is it still abuse? How do children “deserve” to be treated at a basic level? Also, what are some good ways of dealing with abuse?

If you’re comfortable with it, you can also add personal experiences into the discussion. Just don’t use people’s actual names and try to keep them as anonymous as possible.  

[NokomisSnape]

In my eyes, there is a huge difference between discipline and abuse. Having suffered both myself, trust me, I know.

A swat on a child's behind with a firm NO or STOP is in no way abuse. Being hit with a wooden spoon once with the firm no or stop is not abuse.

Being hit repeatedly with any object or hand is abuse. Usually it only takes one swat to stop a child from misbehaving.

Hitting a child because they are crying is abuse. Calling the child names (moron, ugly, b***h, mistake, etc) is abuse.

When I was growing up, I was punished for misbehavior. A swat on my backside with an open hand and a NO! was enough to stop the behavior and bring on the quiet tears.

My father also took it further....I was called a mistake, ugly, fat, worthless, and other things. Starting at 8 years old, I was responsible for making sure my homework, my brother's homework and dinner on the table by 5pm (I got home at 2:30pm). If dinner was cold, everything would be thrown out, my father would yell and I went to bed without eating (I would always make sure my brother had a snack before my father got home just in case). If it wasn't on the table as soon as my dad got home (say, I was bringing it into the dining room) everything would be thrown out, I would be yelled at and off to my room alone.

This happened until I started working after school. Now that I have moved out, my father has changed. He realized that I was a good daughter. I didn't have boyfriends (seriously...I've only dated one man in my life, for 8 years and it didn't work out), I didn't sleep around, I didn't make him a grandfather at a young age....so now he treats me with respect and is trying to make up for all the crap he put me through growing up.

Needless to say, I don't trust his intentions, but being a mature adult as I am, I understand that he's trying desperately to make up for his mistakes in the past and I'm working on overcoming my bitter hatred and terror of him. It's hard, but I'm doing my best.  

[Henneth Annun]

NokomisSnape

Needless to say, I don't trust his intentions, but being a mature adult as I am, I understand that he's trying desperately to make up for his mistakes in the past and I'm working on overcoming my bitter hatred and terror of him. It's hard, but I'm doing my best.

Have you ever heard the song "Bridge" by Queensryche? It kind of reminds me of what you just said....  

[NokomisSnape]

No...I've only heard of Silent Lucidity. I must admit though, no matter how lame it may be to admit it,....I really love that one LOL.  

[Shibo Hebihime Uirusu]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeellll...take it from me, child abuse is *in my opinion* is anything that'll mentally scar the child, at any age.

If you only notice them for their negatives, that's abuse.

If you don't take care of them, that's neglect.

If you don't do anything for them, that's neglect.

All these things I've mentioned has happened to me, and now I have mental scars*as told by the guidance counselor*  

[AdrianaKitten]

Okay! All IMO of course but... sweatdrop
Abuse, I think, is hard to define since everyone has a different breaking point but the most generic way I can think of is when it begins to break a person's character and ignite their negative emotions, mainly anger and sadness. Often when abuse goes to far the person no longer acts like themselves, might take on a bit of bitterness, apathy, and or depression, and sometimes becomes highly irritated or sensitive to certain things causing them irrational fear or anger.
One form is not worse or different than the other. Something is damaged during abuse whether it be your body or your mindset, you can be pretty screwed up. I think abuse counts more as an action to the extreme so I don't count neglect as abuse though it can be just as bad. Youth might be the only exception to the standard of difficulty but you have to think in terms ot the age of maturity on this. neutral
The sadist knows, the abuser might or might not. Sometimes they're the same.
A just punishment would be giving them a taste of their own medicine but while most people do not enjoy rape, this could lead to problems with those that do. People do not seem to have the time or patience and such to deal with every abuser and fit them to specific punishments so I'd probably do the life sentence thing since I can't think of any other punishment. Wasted time is a common peeve. sweatdrop
This would not be abuse because no one is administrating undeserved pain. (See "Abuse is..." at top)
I first and foremost disapprove of hitting children, as a person who recieved many blows and a parent who does not hit her kid. How one handles getting spanked or wihpped or whatever as a child is their business but I didn't like it. I don't ever remember saying after getting hit with a broom "Yes I now agree with you." As is often said: Violence rarely solves anything." and with a child, I hold this especially true.
If I'm raised in an environment where hitting is normal, then no. I'll never know anything else. I think there's always something's missing and when someone starts telling you what's wrong and what's right you eventually question it. It could be said that subjecting someone to such ignorance is abuse but I don't think so. You choose to be a puppet.
Children deserve to be treated like little curious people. Gentle hand swatting hasn't broken any spirits yet..that I know of...Oh and give them colorful blocks.
The best way to deal with abuse is *insert what you'd do* and then have some pastries. I can't tell the rape victim how to get over something I've never suffered. I can, however, wish them the best. 3nodding
FIN!  

[Dark_Style]

Hitting a kid teaches them it's okay to hit.

Once my grandad hit me and I socked him in the face because I thought I was supposed to hit back.

In real life we can't hit people to tell them no. Can you hit a co-worker, neighbor or boss? No, you will be faced with assult charges or someone bigger than you will show you karma.

Besides, when a kid is little is the perfect time to teach them how to talk it out and reach an understanding- valuble skills that adults use in daily life.