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 Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 6:27 am
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This sucks really:
I came outto my parentals about a month and a half ago. My mom, a religious freak basically started hitting me, called me a freak and told me I was posessed by demons and, because she's a racist says that I hang out with white people too much. She's tken me to a chrisitan pastor, and chanted prayers while dousing me in anointing oil hoping thatmy demonic sould will be purged.
Basically, she and my dad both told me that the only reason that they haven't killed me is because they'rechristians and they said that they no longer loved me and feel that they really wouldn't care if I burnt in hell.
They've thought that I've needed mental help for about five years now because Fisrt, I'm albino and they feel that I'm in denial that I'm blck (I like wearing an afro! Hello! I think that exemplifies my afrocentricity far enough!),. second, when I came out of the coffin, I was one of those annoying manson obsessed "I'm so evil" freaks. Third, they think that I am too open minded. I shrug. They also have this thing where they think that I'm too obsessive, that I become obsessed with little things that interest me until I'm consumed by them. If that were true, I feel that I would have become a serial killer years ago sweatdrop
I'm on punishment and if I even bring up a smidgen of LGBT stuff, she threatens to send me to a chrisitna school (the closest one doesn't even offer honors english!!!). I also don't want to leave my school because it's a magnet art school and I am an aspiring artisit. Art is my life.
I told my counsellor and basically, she told me that if I don't think that this is abuse that she's not going to make a move on them. I don't feel that I'm being abused, but i do at the same time. Also, I don't want to cause any trouble because my mom went through a divorce, that, unbeknownst to me, she was still suffering from. My dad left us and My brothers only 12 and very immiture for his age. So,i don't want to leave, at least not immediately. I'm 16 and my life is hell.
Should I move out? should I stay here? I'm getting a psychologist, but do I need more help? What would you do if you were me?
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:23 am
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 9:35 am
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Shadowed Intent Oh dear, thats horrible... If anyone needs a psychologist its your mother. I'm afraid I'm not sure whether i can offer any useful insight into the situation Well, it depends do you think you could take your brother with you, or if not do you think he will be ok with only your mother to watch over him, and having a psychologist wont help if your not experiencing trauma. Sorry I can't be of more help.
the real problem is that I feel that my mom is truly the only person that can take care of my brother even though she's like that. It's odd, I know, but I don't want o leave until he's older or is not as emotionally fragile as he is now. Truth is, he still has alot of growing up to do.
Secondly, My mom does need a psych, but really she only listens to christian psychologists. She's extremely narrow-minded.
I don't know if there is any advice that can be given to me, but i need other perspectives because I can't keep going like this.
I'm in the closet again (to my family) and I don't think I'll be out again until I leave. My parents will never undrstand me and I should have realized that. |
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Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 12:39 pm
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I am really sorry that you are in such a dire predicament. I can't tell you anything from personally experience, because thankfully my mom is open mind...crazy, but still open minded. I can however relate your situation to something that one of my best friends went through. She lived with her mother just like you do, and her father had left them. She was a vegetarian and her mother wouldn't help her out with that lifestyle. Kept buying her pizza with pepperoni on it. She would get grounded for the stupidest things.
I'll tell you what I told her. You need to follow your heart. I know you don't want to hurt your mom. I'm glad that your heart is big enough to think of others. However, sometimes you have to think of what is best for you, too.
If you feel that getting emancipated would be best, then go for it. Just know that it will mean you'll have to work hard for yourself. It is difficult to do school and work at the same time, but others have done it before, so it isn't impossible. You may need to tone down a bit for work, but don't worry, there are tons of corporate Goths. You can tone down, and not loose who you are.
If you decide that staying at home would be best. I would suggest maybe family counseling. Even if you're mom won't go to see anyone but a Christian therapist, you could find an open minded one. There are people who are both Gothic and Christian you know. I even have a friend that is Catholic/Wiccan.
If you end up moving schools it will be hard, but not the end of the world. There are some writers magazines you can subscribe to that have helpful articles and writing contests. With both writing and art you can probably find classes that are offered within the community.
I just wanted you to know that even things look really bad, that nothing is ever hopeless. *hugs* I'm sorry I can't help more.
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Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 6:39 am
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Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 8:05 am
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Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 11:48 am
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Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 10:02 pm
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Melanthios.....
Life will get better, as time passes...
For now, you may have to adopt a "incognito" approach to being goth and/or gay, and pretend to be "normal" in your mothers eyes until you reach a place in your life where you can be free and happy.
Please don't be depressed at these words, It may seem very bleak and gloomy to your mind, but these words may lead you to a better life.
"Life is tough, life is hard...it not all pretty tombstones and lace...more like razorblades and pain, and the hardships we endure today, become the strengths we need to survive tomorrow."
You will make it, though the road may seem like hell, and you will be able to persue the things that will make your world complete in the fullness of time.
Parents forgive as time passes, they learn the many varied facets of their children as they become young adults, and not their little darling baby kids anymore......it takes time.
Have patience....survive this chapter in your life and do the things you need to do now in order to accomplish the hopes and dreams you have for tomorrow....it's frustrating, i know, but the rewards are worth the wait...
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