English Poem

[ALEX TIMES 4]

For our English class we had to make a sonnet using iambic pentameter, and the themes were either life, love, or death.

I'd like some critique on this sonnet please!
Thank you in advance.



There is an old man, withered and dying.

He’s in a meadow, green and painted gold,

Flocks of birds above, lamenting, crying

There are trees like him, majestic and old.

All around his still body, music plays,

The faint sound of trumpets, the throb of strings,

His slight body warmed by the sun’s rays.

He opens his eyes as an angel sings.

And Godfather Death is there, cloaked in white.

His arms are open wide, no scythe in hand.

A white horse appears, bathed in a white light.

Then the man is in the sky, endless, grand.

The man did not scream, and he did not cry,

For it is beautiful when we all die.  

[beaulolais]

i like to write sonnets myself!

so i can honestly say yours is quite satisfying.

do you believe, then, that our death can be beautiful? but that would not fit in with the tragedy you just wrote, would it?  

[ALEX TIMES 4]

Thanks so much for your comment!


And I'm sure it can be quite peaceful sometimes. I actually got the idea from Lord of the Rings when Gandalf described death, and it sounded really pretty.  

[beaulolais]

do you plan to make use of your writing talent after graduation?

i could not make a living with my singing but it has brought in some spending money now and then.  

[ALEX TIMES 4]

That's nice to hear that you've been making some money from your singing.


And I'm not sure yet, but I would like to.  

[beaulolais]

i was at a session led by Jane Yolen, and she told us aspiring writers that the two most helpful things to have were,
first,
a manuscript portfolio sampling your best stuff
and
second,
an agent to carry that manuscript portfolio around to publishers.  

[Lhia Dunwaith]

Ha ha! Jane Yolen sounds like a funny person!

I love the rhyming in the poem. It adds a sort of... I dunno... nostalgic kind of touch to it.  

[ALEX TIMES 4]

Hahah, I'll be sure to find myself a good agent if I ever become a writer and make them carry my stuff for me. xD


And thank you for the feedback Lhia. :3