Dear Hooter;
So your papa took your phone, while he sent you off on that trip, and I really wanted to tell you some things, but I can't because I know he's reading your texts and looking at your pictures Hooter what pictures did you take of me!! Okay I need to focus though, there's more important things than that but seriously there better not be anything dirty in there or I'll never forgive you! YOUR DAD SAW THEM.
So anyway, I miss you. Duhduhduh. I know. But it's just, I haven't been apart from you a single day since for a very long time now, and it hurts a lot. All day long it hurts. I wake up and it hurts that you're not in bed beside me. I get up and try to make breakfast and it hurts that you're not trying to get me to eat more today. I sit in my room and I miss your arms around me and the way you tease me and make me laugh or scream or cry. And there's nothing left for me. I crawl back into bed and it hurts because I'm alone.
It's only been four days, Hooter. I don't think this is good for me. No, I know it's not good for me, but I don't know how to fix it. I just need you so much, but I need you too much. I went from stubbornly refusing to need anyone, to needing someone so much it leaves me an empty shell when you're gone.
I don't want you to worry, when you read this. I know it all sounds scary and you think oh no she's breaking up with me but I'm not, I'd die without you. I'm just trying to work out how I can be healthier.. like.. on my own. Because there's no way you're just going to be there for me every single day of my life, 24/7, without fail. You'll get a job or have to visit someone or you might have to travel for work or maybe I'll have to travel and I just can't handle being apart from you yet.
I wanna say something smart like maybe this was a good thing, your dad sending you out on your trial, but I can't. Cause I'm just not there yet, like, maybe I'm taking steps to realizing that I need to work myself out but I'm not at that place where I'm ready to actually be without you for a minute. So no, I'm not glad you're gone, and I'm not glad this is happening. I want you here, I want you back, and maybe in the future I'll try to be more independent, but I'm not there yet. So please come back to me. Please come back and make things be okay again, even if it's only for a little while. I promise I'll try not to depend on you so much but I'm not ready to be without you yet, even for a day. So come home soon. I need you.
I started this letter because I wanted to tell you what happened while you were gone. I figured out some things, but now that I write this, I realize I kind of want to tell you in person. It's just really hard, because it's all fresh in my mind and I want to let it all out, but at the same time I just want to talk to you. I don't know what I want more. Maybe I'll write another letter later and it'll be all about what happened because I'll have given up on waiting for you to be here personally to hear it. I'll try to be patient for now.. not really my strong suit though.
But mostly what happened was that me and Hel had a fight. What's new right hahaa. It was a pretty bad one, it started the day after you left, and then it continued yesterday, which is three days later, so yeah. I didn't do so well after we fought. She kind of said she wouldn't ever go to my wedding if I had one, and I think I might have over-reacted because I could tell somethings wrong with her but I realized, after a long time of fighting, that I think I was kind of sabotaging myself in order to.. okay I said I wasn't going to get into this in this letter and I totally am right now GODS. THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS I don't think I'm going to over-react with Hel as much as I used to, anymore. Which is good. Right?
I can't hear your voice right now and it is tearing me to bits. Please come home. Please come home, Hooter. Baby, please come home.
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