Where Fat Cells Come to Die (30 lb loss)

[Munkers]

Sorry to hear about your bumps in the road. But you're still at it and that's what's really important. heart  

[Euthanasia Phase]

@Munkers: Thanks again, and I agree! smile
Ok, things are getting back on track.
Weight: didn't check

Exercise: none

Points: 26/26

Lunch/Dinner: beef and broccoli, orange chicken, chow mein with sweet and sour sauce, fortune cookie, diet coke (Because I haven't had the time to learn to cook, most of my points are eaten on campus and to save money I split a large portion of food into two meals.)

Snack: a small piece of chocolate fudge

Ok, so my advisor is planning to be at the SCEC (Southern California Earthquake Center) meeting from Sunday through Wednesday, so change of plans. Tomorrow and Friday I'm allowed 26 points, Saturday is 25 points, and Sunday-Wednesday will be common sense. Thursday-Friday will be 25 points. That weekend there's a trip for new grad students to Catalina Island, so it'll be common sense again. I may check my weight that Friday morning.

Overall, life is successful but busy. A project I've been working on has made enough progress that it may be presented at the upcoming SCEC meeting, which means a poster and abstract as well as finishing the actual project, all before Saturday. Also, there are orchestra auditions the week of Sept. 20-27 (still need to sign up for a time...), and I'm auditioning for both flute and violin. Half of this weekend and all of the next will be away from any practicing opportunities, so I've got to work my a** off weeknights.

At least everything is under control again.  

[pinkcatminht]

sounds hectic! but you can do it, & good luck on those auditions!

 

[Euthanasia Phase]

@Dia Dementia: Thank you! smile

Weight: didn't check

Exercise: none

Points: 26/26

Lunch: beef and broccoli, orange chicken, chow mein w/sweet and sour sauce, fortune cookie, diet coke

Dinner: the other half of lunch

Snack: a few jelly bellies

Today was successful. It was one of those days where the stress built up and my mind tried to convince me I needed a reward - but it didn't win!
Looks like the project might not be presented after all - I got my matlab code working, but one function isn't efficient so I've been trying to write a more efficient one. It's been more difficult than anticipated, so I still don't have all the figures and there is no poster in the works yet. My advisor had acknowledged that it was an extremely short amount of time to get the project together, and that it wasn't absolutely necessary to finish by Sunday. Still, I hate disappointing people when it comes to academic-related issues. The project happened to progress unrealistically quickly at first, and now it's slowing down to normal speed. From what I can see, other students have had this amount of time (a few days) just to get their posters together.
This is going to sound selfish, but I hope either the project is given much more time or finished miraculously by tomorrow (I'm going to the lab super early). I just really don't want to go in on Saturday - there's no shuttle, which'll mean a good amount of time getting there and back (no car), and many hours in the lab. That day is really necessary to get my audition pieces up to my standards, and it's the last free weekend day before classes start.
Ack. Wall of text again. Not every day will be like this.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

Weight: didn't check

Points: 26/26

Lunch: slice of cheese pizza, two breadsticks w/marinara, diet coke

Dinner: 6 inch turkey sub w/cheese, veggies, mustard, parmesan herb baked chips, light pomegranate lemonade

Exercise: none

There have been some good days and some bad days. I haven't checked my weight in awhile, but have become much more motivated lately. The plan is to eat 26 points a day for the rest of the week, then 25 over the weekend and maybe for a few more days before I check my weight again. The exercise hasn't been happening because I have an orchestra audition this Friday, and have been spending my spare time practicing. However, once Friday rolls around I will be trying out some Biggest Loser exercise DVDs that my parents mailed me. My motivation has become strong again, but not by positive means at all. I feel like I have no right to rant because my recent track record has been shady but...

Ok, I'll start with what I really like here. I like my school, and the earth and space sciences dept very much. Throughout the past few months, I've met several students who share research interests, and I've enjoyed being able to converse about earthquake forecasting methods and geophysics in general, and have people understand what I'm talking about. Actually, the best part is that these students mostly have been studying these subjects for a longer time, so each time I talk with them I learn something new. The professors are all very reasonable, enthusiastic and they care about seeing their students succeed. I couldn't have asked for a nicer research opportunity, and the classes (which begin Thursday) sound like they should go well.

When the school day is over and I walk into town, things go to s**t. The locals are ******** rude here, particularly to people like me who aren't thin or attractive. The first time I was insulted, I shrugged it off because most people probably have to deal with it at some point, but it's been happening almost EVERY TIME I have to go into town and run errands. The more I try to be invisible, the more people call me out. One day while running errands a guy told me I looked scary, and I was dressed normally - long, loose skirt and long-sleeved modest blouse. Not five minutes later, some more douchebags asked if I was a dominatrix and started laughing about how ugly I was. Another day (back when I was doing a consistently good job of following my points) I was at Yogurtland and sat down outside. A group of college kids sat at a table near me and kept snickering and looking over in my direction, and I heard "fat ugly b***h" a few times. I don't go there anymore; it was supposed to be a fun weekend tradition, but it's more of a chore. Today I got yelled at by someone while crossing a street, albeit in a language other than English. I've never felt so ugly in my life. I never see this happen to others - what is so blatantly wrong with me that people feel justified in commenting on it in public? Outside of school, my plans are made with the intention of spending the least amount of time in town as possible. It should be the other way around. This is a place where people go on vacation and have a fabulous time - guess they're attractive and decent enough to do so. My motivation has spiked from all of this hatred, it seems that hatred is the only thing strong enough to get me off my a** and working for my goal consistently, which is sad.  

[pigeonsoup]

I actually think you're really pretty, judging from the pictures you've posted. And you seem to be doing really well n.n I can't believe how cruel people where you live are. Tell me where it is so I never have to go there :/ sounds like a bunch of immature jerks who can't handle their own insecurities without putting others down to feel better about themselves. Weight loss should always have positive motivations and a good, healthy mindset or you just won't end up happy when you reach your goals. You know? When I had more negative feelings about myself and my weight loss, I wouldn't have been happy even if I was 90 freaking pounds. There would always be more to criticize. It's always better to try to be positive about things, as hard as it can be, and to remind yourself that people only insult others because they can't feel good about themselves otherwise.  

[Munkers]

That's... astounding. Is there something in the water where you are? What the heck is the matter with people?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this crap, but please don't internalize their ignorance and hate. It's easy to think that you're only hating your body for now, but those feelings don't go away as the numbers go down (as I've discovered and struggled with myself). Acknowledge that this isn't the body you want, but it's still the only one you've got and it's still able to do all kind of awesome stuff like hiking and working hard.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

@laurenwithoutsound and Munkers: Thanks for the votes of confidence. You both are right that with a negative attitude, I probably won't be pleased even when reaching my goal, which is why I'm trying to find stronger sources of motivation than the negativity which is predominant right now. As for the people...(hell, I trust you all), it's the Westwood area just outside of the UCLA campus, where people are known for being very shallow. I've noticed that the more intelligent people are, the less of this s**t I have to deal with, and the amount of respect I give people is highly based on their intelligence anyway. For instance, I have a lot of respect for the people in this guild. biggrin

Weight: didn't check

Exercise: none (can't wait until auditions are over and this can start back up...)

Points: not sure/26

Lunch: ham, turkey and cheese sandwich with veggies, mayo and mustard, very small portions of cucumber salad and potato salad, cookie, lemonade

Dinner: none

Snack: very small piece of chocolate cake, diet Dr. Pepper

Today was new grad student orientation, and while the people leading it were nice enough to provide us lunch there were no nutrition facts. When this happens, I usually try to not go overboard on the portions, and allow a few flex points to be spent if necessary. As far as flex points go, I allow them for situations like this by never spending any on days when I know exactly how many points I'm eating. It's going to be the same deal tomorrow, and I may cut out the desserts in favor of some more filling, healthier options. I don't feel like I overstuffed, so that might be a good sign.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

Weight: didn't check

Exercise: none

Points: 30/26 (?)

Lunch: 2 slices pizza, coke

Dinner: random reception food, small portions but I only had 5 points by this point

Not the most responsible of days, but not a blowout either. This was probably stress eating, since classes are starting tomorrow and I have two orchestra auditions on Friday. I may begin weighing again sooner than I thought, in case that adds some discipline. We'll see.
At least tomorrow I'm getting a new driver's license in order to become a CA resident, and my weight will be significantly lower than the weight on my current license.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

I've been good with the program, but not with the journaling. Quick weight update - yesterday 189.0, day before 190.4, day before that 191.0 lbs. There will be a full journal entry at the end of today. It feels good to be checking weight again and be aware of progress.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

Now for today's progress:
Weight: 188.0 lbs
LOSS: -1.0 lbs

Exercise: Biggest Loser power sculpt workout, weeks 1-2

Points: 25/25

Lunch: vanilla and chocolate frozen yogurt w/chocolate chips, candy topping (I limit this to once a week)

Dinner: 6 inch chicken teriyaki sub w/cheese, veggies and sweet onion sauce, bbq chips, light pomegranate lemonade

Snack: diet Dr. Pepper  

[Euthanasia Phase]

Weight: 187.8 lbs
LOSS: -0.2 lbs

Exercise: none

Points: 25/25

Lunch: slice of cheese pizza, breadstick w/marinara, diet coke

Dinner: slice of pepperoni pizza, salad without dressing, light lemonade

It wasn't the best day, diet, exercise or otherwise. First, I have an evening class where the dept is nice enough to pay for dinner, but I regretted eating pizza for lunch after hearing what they were buying...
Then I got home this evening, checked my email, and found out that I've only been selected as an alternate in the orchestra. I've never heard of anyone auditioning for two instruments (including violin) and not being fully accepted. Seriously? Even musical retards can play violin in an orchestra. Guess I know where I stand. crying Didn't feel like exercising after that either. Tomorrow I may try out the gym on campus, because it sucks doing crunches in a cramped bedroom while craning my neck to see a laptop on my desk (there's no TV in the apt.). <********.  

[Munkers]

Ouch.

Hugs?  

[Euthanasia Phase]

@Munkers: Thanks. After I calmed down I read through the rest of the message, and the alternate deal may actually be a way of taking turns so that more people get a chance to participate, but it's still kind of unclear.

Weight: 187.4 lbs
LOSS: -0.4 lbs

Exercise: Biggest Loser power sculpt weeks 1-2

Points: 25/25

Lunch/Dinner: orange chicken, beef with broccoli, chow mein w/sweet and sour sauce, fortune cookie, diet coke

Snack: light lemonade, diet Dr. Pepper

I was going to go to the grocery store to pick up some items to pack for lunch, but felt like s**t last night. Therefore, I'm going tonight and at least getting some sandwich items and fresh fruit. Although I'm not the tofu type, I'm getting tired of fast food.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

Well, I had several good days, two bad days, and today was one of those days where I didn't have sufficient information to know how many points I ate.
The exercise has been kind of on and off too - I'm going to work on improving that.
At one point I reached 185.8 lbs, but that was before I went overboard last weekend so it's probably up again. I'll try to improve on posting and check my weight in a few days.