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 Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:10 am
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Fall of the Damned: I get the feeling that you aren't quite finished with your profile, Mon-Mon-sieur. Your don't have have a bio/history of your character. And in your inventory, having 10 tags of various nature could just about be anything, so a little more specification could help. Just a suggestion.
Key thing: Your kung-fu lover attribute may pose a problem since it's iffy to add a whole style of taijutsu than what your classes already dictate on ninjutsu limitations.
Jashinist Suggestion for your first personal attribute, Strong willed. I think it's best not to put a definite rank as you're now starting out as a gennin. You could have been more sensitive to genjutsu and seals if you chose the other part of the sensor class attribute. But now that is not the case since you chose the other. And saying you're immune [especially after you omitted the B rank] can be considered borderline hulk-like. You could say something like: "He is slightly more observant, and sometimes help him distringuish changes in a surrounding environment." Or whatever. Your ability on that field could progress as you rank.
And your second personal attribute. How does it work? To me, it implies that he has to abuse himself to raise these..stats. Under circumstancial events, it would normally lower their said stats.
Your chakra pellets consumption. So you eat a single pellet, but somehow gain 10 chakra points from the opponent and fellow ninja? How does that work?
Azorii: I believe you need to change in your jutsu limitations that you can learn up to 2 bukijutsu styles instead of 3. And you learning 3 ninjutsu per element should only be possible if you have ninjutsu as your main class. So your limitations should say: Ninjutsu: 5 Genjutsu: 4 Taijutsu: 0 Bukijutsu: 3
Having records lost may seem convenient, but perhaps if you could add the history of maybe how you had been given the state without any records would better help define your character. Also, histories are required unless your specific circumstances have already been approved by another mod. <.< Well, you know, some spots you have to fill on your application.
Das Rouge: If you could add a history, it'll be approved..
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:41 am
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▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ρ є r ѕ σ η α ℓ • ∂ α т α|├▬
Full Name: Kushina Tamakichi
Nickname: ---
Age: 15
Birthdate: March 13
Gender: Female
Height: 63 inches
Weight: 110 pounds
Nindo: "Pain is just a weakness leaving the body."
Personality: Sweet, yet a shy person. Kushina wont speak out unless she is spoken to first, and even then it seems hard to keep a conversation going with the girl. Although her shyness takes effect, she is still the type of girl that would do anything for anyone, just to see a smile.
Village: Yukigakure
Rank: Genin
Main Class: Ninjutsu
Subclass: Sensor
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c σ м в α т • ∂ α т α|├▬
Chakra Pool: 250 [+20]
Chakra Element: Futon, Raiton
Chakra Color: Bleu de France
Chakra Materialization: It appears and looks like small blossoms that float in the wind.
Strengths:
• Ninjutsu
• Tracking
Weaknesses:
• Taijutsu
• Doton
Fears:
• Darkness
• Being alone
Class Attributes:
• Secret Drop: Backup reserve of [25] chakra.
• Scout: Able to detect chakra from living sources within a 60 yard radius.
Reductions:
• Learn ninjutsu one [1] post faster.
Personal Attributes:
•
•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c α r є є r • ∂ α т α|├▬
Ryo: 両0
AC: 0
Missions Complete:
D Rank :: 0
C Rank :: 0
B Rank :: 0
A Rank :: 0
S Rank :: 0
Limitations: {How many of each technique you can learn. Refer to class info}
• Ninjutsu : : 00 / 06
• Genjutsu : : 00 / 01
• Taijutsu Styles: : 00 / 00
• Bukijutsu Styles: : 00 / 00
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ω є α ρ σ η • ∂ α т α|├▬
Weapon Type: Katana
Weapon Range: 28.7 inches
Weapon Weight: 3 pounds
Weapon Location: Left side waist
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ι η ν є η т σ r у|├▬
• 5 Kunai
• 15 Senbon
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|т є c н η ι q υ є ѕ|├▬
▬▬┤|N i n j u t s u
Maruton: {Start with the following six only}
• Henge no Jutsu [ Transformation Technique ]
• Kawarimi no Jutsu [ Substitution Technique ]
• Bushin no Jutsu [ Clone Technique ]
• Suimen Hokou no Waza [ Act of Water Surface Walking ]
• Kinobori no Waza [ Act of Tree Climbing ]
• Kai [ Release ]
Fuuton
•
Raiton
•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|н ι ѕ т σ r у|├▬
Kushina grew up as an only child. She was never close to her family and was always out wandering around. She was often spotted sitting underneath a tree, making tiny little snowmen or else gazing up into the white sky. Nobody ever really made friends with her due to the fact that they thought she was odd for never being around, but her shyness was the reason for that. She was never really a fighter to begin with and when she graduated from the academy, most were surprised. She just wants to live a normal happy life, and in hopes of having a family of her own.
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:05 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:34 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:57 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:10 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:13 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:19 am
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Redera Issun Azeiel The Fallen Redera Issun Das Rouge: Approved
Fall of the Damned: Everything else is ok, but the problem is still your first personal attribute. ..Will be discussing it with other mods. The speed one is fine but the second one.... I am iffy on. If he was the Ninjutus class then it would be fine but because he is bukijutsu his character would not have that much control over his chakra so that one is DENIED.
Unless another mod has to say something else. |
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:21 pm
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[[ editted - sorrz, made profile like at 4 in the morn = x = ]]
Azorii  ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ρ є r ѕ σ η α ℓ • ∂ α т α|├▬
Full Name: Records Lost.
Nickname: Vayne Sin
Age: 14
Birthdate: December 15th
Gender: ???
Height: 5'6
Weight: 76lbs
Nindo: "I'll spit on your grave, darling"
Personality: She'll ******** carve your heart out and fed it to her dog, a.k.a ya' Mom's. No really, she's cut throat ruthless who isn't an alien to spite.
All Of Me
Village: Yuki
Rank: Genin
Main Class: Bukijutsu
Subclass: Sensor
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c σ м в α т • ∂ α т α|├▬
Bloodline: Origami no Dara
Chakra Pool: 200 [+20] chakra.
Chakra Element: Raiton + Suiton
Chakra Color: Silver
Chakra Materialization: Appears like roses.
Strengths:
• Bukijutsu
• Bloodline
Weaknesses:
• Katon
• Genjutsu
Fears:
• Looking like you
Class Attributes:
• Meager Muscles: Physical endurance slightly increased
• Scout: Able to detect chakra from living sources within a 60 yard radius.
Reductions:
• Learn Bukijutsu one [1] post faster
Personal Attributes:
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c α r є є r • ∂ α т α|├▬
Ryo: 両0
AC: 0
Missions Complete:
D Rank :: 0
C Rank :: 0
B Rank :: 0
A Rank :: 0
S Rank :: 0
Limitations:
• Ninjutsu : : 00 / 05
• Genjutsu : : 00 / 04
• Taijutsu Styles: : 00 / 00
• Bukijutsu Styles: : 00 / 03
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ω є α ρ σ η • ∂ α т α|├▬
Weapon Name: Luster
Weapon Type: Rapier
Weapon Range: 2ft
Weapon Weight: 7lbs
Weapon Location: Left, on waist.
Summoning Type:
Summon Sage:
Pacts:
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ι η ν є η т σ r у|├▬
• Ten senbon
• Ten flash bombs
• Ten tag bombs
• Ten kunai grenades
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|т є c н η ι q υ є ѕ|├▬
▬▬┤|N i n j u t s u
Maruton: {Start with the following six only}
• Henge no Jutsu [ Transformation Technique ]
• Kawarimi no Jutsu [ Substitution Technique ]
• Bushin no Jutsu [ Clone Technique ]
• Suimen Hokou no Waza [ Act of Water Surface Walking ]
• Kinobori no Waza [ Act of Tree Climbing ]
• Kai [ Release ]
Raiton
•
Suiton
•
Bloodline
•
Tetsu no Ryo
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|н ι ѕ т σ r у|├▬
Loading. . . access approved . .
I unlike the silly lot of folks that are marooned in their stupidity was born with another, my twin Vanity. Yes, I was not born a lone into this world for God knew I was much to promising to only make once. My mother was a beauty to behold and a brilliant fool who never understood the power she held in the palm of her grasp. The ingrates of this world are persuaded by all of man's sin, and lust being such a vindictive snake caught hold of my powerful father. Thus the embodiment and properties of a God came into the mix, and brought forth whom I am today. Gifted with beauty and power, I would not be confined to the obligations of the foolish thing known as parents to dictate my life of which they scarcely understood. I did not need them, there worthlessness disgusted me. They considered me a demanding child whom could never be pleased nor brought to contentment, and I cannot detest for morons can never accomplish the job of a genius no matter how many you gather into a cope. Ah, well everything falls into flames there after. Upon our arrival in Yukigakure, our past to them was that were simply lost children seeking shelter from past war's aftermath. Let's get the chariot now, Gabriel is awaiting my return to the seventh heaven.
Virus detected....system shutdown activated in 3....2.....1
FIN
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:49 pm
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Azorii [[ editted - sorrz, made profile like at 4 in the morn = x = ]] Azorii ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ρ є r ѕ σ η α ℓ • ∂ α т α|├▬
Full Name: Records Lost.
Nickname: Vayne Sin
Age: 14
Birthdate: December 15th
Gender: ???
Height: 5'6
Weight: 76lbs
Nindo: "I'll spit on your grave, darling"
Personality: She'll ******** carve your heart out and fed it to her dog, a.k.a ya' Mom's. No really, she's cut throat ruthless who isn't an alien to spite.
All Of Me
Village: Yuki
Rank: Genin
Main Class: Bukijutsu
Subclass: Sensor
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c σ м в α т • ∂ α т α|├▬
Bloodline: Origami no Dara
Chakra Pool: 200 [+20] chakra.
Chakra Element: Raiton + Suiton
Chakra Color: Silver
Chakra Materialization: Appears like roses.
Strengths:
• Bukijutsu
• Bloodline
Weaknesses:
• Katon
• Genjutsu
Fears:
• Looking like you
Class Attributes:
• Meager Muscles: Physical endurance slightly increased
• Scout: Able to detect chakra from living sources within a 60 yard radius.
Reductions:
• Learn Bukijutsu one [1] post faster
Personal Attributes:
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c α r є є r • ∂ α т α|├▬
Ryo: 両0
AC: 0
Missions Complete:
D Rank :: 0
C Rank :: 0
B Rank :: 0
A Rank :: 0
S Rank :: 0
Limitations:
• Ninjutsu : : 00 / 05
• Genjutsu : : 00 / 04
• Taijutsu Styles: : 00 / 00
• Bukijutsu Styles: : 00 / 03
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ω є α ρ σ η • ∂ α т α|├▬
Weapon Name: Luster
Weapon Type: Rapier
Weapon Range: 2ft
Weapon Weight: 7lbs
Weapon Location: Left, on waist.
Summoning Type:
Summon Sage:
Pacts:
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ι η ν є η т σ r у|├▬
• Ten senbon
• Ten flash bombs
• Ten tag bombs
• Ten kunai grenades
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|т є c н η ι q υ є ѕ|├▬
▬▬┤|N i n j u t s u
Maruton: {Start with the following six only}
• Henge no Jutsu [ Transformation Technique ]
• Kawarimi no Jutsu [ Substitution Technique ]
• Bushin no Jutsu [ Clone Technique ]
• Suimen Hokou no Waza [ Act of Water Surface Walking ]
• Kinobori no Waza [ Act of Tree Climbing ]
• Kai [ Release ]
Raiton
•
Suiton
•
Bloodline
•
Tetsu no Ryo
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|н ι ѕ т σ r у|├▬
Loading. . . access approved . .
I unlike the silly lot of folks that are marooned in their stupidity was born with another, my twin Vanity. Yes, I was not born a lone into this world for God knew I was much to promising to only make once. My mother was a beauty to behold and a brilliant fool who never understood the power she held in the palm of her grasp. The ingrates of this world are persuaded by all of man's sin, and lust being such a vindictive snake caught hold of my powerful father. Thus the embodiment and properties of a God came into the mix, and brought forth whom I am today. Gifted with beauty and power, I would not be confined to the obligations of the foolish thing known as parents to dictate my life of which they scarcely understood. I did not need them, there worthlessness disgusted me. They considered me a demanding child whom could never be pleased nor brought to contentment, and I cannot detest for morons can never accomplish the job of a genius no matter how many you gather into a cope. Ah, well everything falls into flames there after. Upon our arrival in Yukigakure, our past to them was that were simply lost children seeking shelter from past war's aftermath. Let's get the chariot now, Gabriel is awaiting my return to the seventh heaven.
Virus detected....system shutdown activated in 3....2.....1
FIN
Oh she is cute Approved ^.^ |
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 3:13 pm
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▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ρ є r ѕ σ η α ℓ • ∂ α т α|├▬
Full Name: Toshiro "Kyojin" Hideki
Nickname: Kyojin; Monster
Age: 18
Birthdate: May 16th
Gender: ♂
Height: 8'3"
Weight: 456lb
Appearance:Kyojin is tall -- taller than most men, including those of the Oni Clan. He towers at a monstrous height of eight feet and three inches, with the bulk to fill itr out. He is like a tree. his skin is thick; nearly twice that of an average person. The texture of it is like dry leather, including the cracks. Near any point the moves frequently, there is a crack. However, after years of open wounds, these cracks healed in such aw way that they articulate well with his giant physique. This giant 'shell' of skin makes it harder for him to bleed than other people.
His torso is muscular with a fair ammount of fat supporting his abdomen. His arms are thick just as his legs are, though not as malformed. His legs are plagued with minor elephantits, causing them to resemble those of an elephant. His feet are normal, though they are larger than most newborn children. Meanwhile, his hands are large, have three fingers each, and are covered with callouses. these hardened layers of skinmake his punches feel like a blow from a tree -- an angry, enraged, monstrous tree with a vendetta. His spine is misshapen with scholiosis, giving him an apparent hunchback.
By far, his face is his most menacing feature. His eyes are polar opposites, with one being sunken in and shining green, while the other is distended due to pressure from a bone tumor, causing it to be permanently blood-red. His nose is permanently scarred, from the many breaks it has experienced throughout his life. His hair grows in thick black clumps around the top of his skull, with scar seperating them. A majority of his left ear is missing -- apparently an unfortunate kunai accident.
Nindo: "I'll be a hero and avenge my mother, then people will love me!"
Personality: Kyojin is a kindred spirit, whose only wish is to be loved. He has been known to go above and beyond the call of duty to help person in need of assistance. He is also very loyal, but childish at times. He's simple to please and will form attachments to others quite quickly, even if it is an unwanted one. When enraged or upset, he is prone to go into fits of rage.
Village: Konohagakure
Rank: Genin
Main Class: Taijutsu
Subclass: Samurai
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c σ м в α т • ∂ α т α|├▬
Chakra Pool: 195
Chakra Element: [NA]
Chakra Color: White
Chakra Materialization: His chakra shines with the blinding white light of Justice!
Strengths:
• Physically Strong
• Kanabojutsu Expert
• Towering Height
• Lengthy Arms and Legs
• Ambidextrous
Weaknesses:
• Slow Physically
• Forgetful
• Trusting
• Inability to form Handsigns
• Nice, pretty ladies
Fears:
• Dying before he becomes a hero.
• Himself
Class Attributes:
• Upper Body Training: Physical strength slightly increased.
• Meager Muscles: Physical endurance slightly increased.
Reductions:
• Learn Taijutsu one [1] post faster.
Personal Attributes:
• Muscle Memory: -1 post needed to learn Taijutsu (Including class bonus).
• Kanabo Mastery: -2 posts to learn Bukijutsu in exchange for not being able to use ninjutsu or genjutsu
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|c α r є є r • ∂ α т α|├▬
Ryo: 両 0
AC: 0
Missions Complete:
D Rank :: 0 {All start at zero}
C Rank :: 0
B Rank :: 0
A Rank :: 0
S Rank :: 0
Limitations: {How many of each technique you can learn. Refer to class info}
• Ninjutsu : : 00 / 00
• Genjutsu : : 00 / 00
• Taijutsu Styles: : 02 / 02
• Bukijutsu Styles: : 01 / 01
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|ω є α ρ σ η • ∂ α т α|├▬
Weapon Type: Kanabo
Weapon Range: 7'
Weapon Weight: 27lb
Weapon Location: Back
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|т є c н η ι q υ є ѕ|├▬
▬▬┤|T a i j u t s u
Iwagakure no Taijutsu
• Stage 1
Hero of Great Justice
• Stage 1
▬▬┤|B u k i j u t s u
Hakyoku-ken no Kata
• Stage 1
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬┤|н ι ѕ т σ r у|├▬
The Conception
Kyojin’s history is one that is bathed in darkness, beginning with his mother. His mother was a beautiful woman, who worked as a geisha in a popular resort. Jun could dance, sing and anything else that dealt with the entertainment of others. She loved her work more than anything else in the world; however one man found her to be everything in a woman he wanted. This man was a wealthy diplomat, who owned more than his fair share of land. At every opportunity he had, the man tried to woo Kyojin’s mother with offering of money and priceless gems, but still she denied her love to him. She always replied with the same answer, “Love cannot be bought.”
Soon the man became distraught; he spent his vast fortune trying to woo this one infatuation. He became poor begging on the streets for money so that he could see Jun’s stunning performances. Eventually he was banned from the primacies, as he disgusted the other guests with his nasty appearance. This simple act hurt him more than anything. His mat was right outside the inn making him so close yet so far from the woman he wanted to be with so badly that he spent his fortune on, in the attempt at happiness; however this would soon end.
One day, Jun walked the streets alone, in the light of a full moon. Her pale face was vibrant in the moonlight, with a gentle radiance that made her seem to be of the spirits. More than anything, she was open. The man took every advantage he could on this night, cornered Jun, and bludgeoned her brutally with a makeshift tonfa. With the woman at his mercy then proceeded to have his way with her, threatening to end her life if she should ever tell another soul what had transpired that night..
Months passed, wounds healed, and Jun’s former beauty return. She was soon performing again, but not for long. Jun’s stomach grew large with child, forcing her to quit what she loved so dearly. The other workers wanted her to stay, but the shame was too great for Jun to bear. She never returned to the inn.
The Birth
While most births are celebrated events with many family members at a clean hospital, the birth of Kyojin was Jun’s best kept secret. The monster’s birthplace was a dirty one room apartment. The only other mortal to see his birth was Jun’s landlady, who ran from the home as soon as she saw the infant. “Demon!” She shouted as she slammed the door behind her.
Having heard the landlady’s terror ridden voice, Jun was appalled at how the woman spoke of Jun’s child; although her emotions did not stay that way for long. Her infant truly did look like a demon’s spawn. The very sight brought tears to her eyes, as she clutched the infant close the her chest. As horrid a beast he was, the infant was still her child and she loved every part of him. She would name him Toshiro.
Age 9
From the birth till the age of nine, Toshiro’s mother had done her best to hide any mirror that she could from the child. She wanted him to think he was normal, hoping that the act would help the child’s confidence, but this would all end when he escaped into the world. Everything went well as he played with the local children. The youths were kind and accepting of his deformity, but it all ended when their parents saw who they were playing with.
The parents were cruel, telling the children that he wasn’t right and that they should not play with him; especially since they knew of the rumors about his mother. This influenced the children’s views of Toshiro, but the unfortunate youth would not know of this till he returned to play again.
That night, Toshiro told his mother of how he played with the other children and she smiled warmly at him. It was always her wish that he could make friends; the smile on his face was just a bonus. Perhaps she would be able to watch him play with the other children that next day -- his birthday.
Happy Birthday
The next day, Jun followed Toshiro the an open lot, where he played with the children just yesterday, and just as they had done yesterday they were playing with their wooden toy and playing onigokko. Smiling he waved at them and they headed toward him, carrying their toys. Expecting them to want to play as they had done yesterday he ran to them only to be greeted by their toys, feet, and fists. His mother was horrified at the sight and tried her best to pull them off of her child, but there were too many. They beat the poor creature until his head bled profusely and was riddled with concussions. It was a miracle that the boy survived. His mother would never let him outside again.
Kyojin
The years following the incident were hard for Jun. She not only had a deformed child, but also a mentally handicapped child as well; it was almost too much to bear. Every time she ran into trouble, Jun would run with her son. The toll was even greater on Toshiro, who was now fit to bursts of rage, where he would often black out and hurt those near to him. A prime example would be his mother.
At the age of 18 Toshiro saw himself for the first time ever. In the reflection of a tub of water, there he was, a monster. The sight enraged and upset Toshiro. He let out cries of rage and sadness as he looked into the water. ‘Why did he look like this? Who was to blame for his appearance? Mother, that’s who. She was ashamed of making him look like this so she didn’t tell him.’ These thoughts led to the destruction of his beloved mother.
A year later, he left and became a wanderer, moving from town to town, staying only long enough to eat and move on. Eventually he found the way to Konoha. Once he was accepted into Konoha and graduated the academy, Toshiro cleansed himself of his past name and took the name which the children called him long ago, Kyojin. There, he hoped to overcome his appearance and be known as a hero. Kyojin, the Hero.
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