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 Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 9:03 pm
Granted,
As you get up the next morning, you decided to hold a yard sale. As you go through your garage for things to sell, you spy an old yet familiar book in the corner. It's your yearbook. Amused, you decide to give it a quick glance before returning to the task at hand. Suddenly, your shocked at your old class picture. You see... me... sitting right beside you smiling. Shock alone makes you light headed enough to fall backwards slightly, accidentally hitting the garage door opener causing the door to open. A skunk quickly shuffles in the garage. You yell, he sprays. Turns out you are violently allergic to methyl.
-What a way to go buddy smile
- I wish we talked more.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 10:38 am
You do wish for silly things. I feel silly granting it, but I will. Get out your Kleenex.
Granted. We talked more. It takes some quantum retrofitting of the past, but on that day when we happened to be sitting together for that high school photo, we didn't get up and go to our next class, something clicked and instead of just wishing I was brave enough to say hi to that cute guy with the killer eyes, I choked it out. "Hi," I said. "I'm Bandy." You had already got up to leave, but you turned around, startled I think. A little embarrassed because your friends were there and didn't say anything till later. But we passed in the hall and you smiled and said hi. I'll never forget that smile.
I already knew where your locker was. I stayed late after school and missed my bus so no one would be there when I slipped a note into your locker with my phone number in it and instructions to only call after my parents were asleep.
I stayed up late and snuck the phone into my room and answered before the first ring stopped. We didn't have cell phones because my parents didn't believe in them. We were both shy and awkward at first, but after a while we talked a lot and caught up on sleep on the weekends. You were my first love.
Then one horrible night my dad got up to pee and tripped on the phone wire. It knocked the phone off the bed and he came in furious and grounded me forever. I ran away, but he checked the phone records and figured out who I had been talking to all those nights. Sure that you were doing his little girl wrong he got his gun out and tracked you down and confronted you in a rage. You were brave and fought him and declared your love and innocence and intentions to marry me but he wasn't mollified. Your parents came in on the fight and called the police and tried to protect you, but he was completely berserker and beat you to a bloody pulp before the officers made it there.
You were in a coma for months, declared legally dead twice and I... never came home and you never answered my calls and I thought you found another girl so... I tell everyone I've moved on. It's not true.
It's only recently I found out you were still alive and I don't know anything about you. Did you find another girl? Are you happy?
I found out the hospital stuff from the newspaper. Dad is still in prison, I guess. I don't know if we would still get along. I've changed. A lot. I died that day.
I wish things were different.
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Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2012 8:22 am
O.O
granted....
But now...
I'm evil! gonk which means that you Bandy...
you.. no longer are...
a cheerleader O.O
in fact, you start to hate the thought of cheering.
Whenever anyone shouts out in glee you have this instant reflex to smack them across their face.
and hard.
You become known as a bully
a big ol' meanie head
When people see you coming they turn their faces from you
in fear Bandy... in fear twisted
Voices become hushed and people bitter, all around you.
It's all so... different now.
Oh and you convinced Leko to start taking heart meds.
All she does now is lay in bed and roll in her satin sheets. 
I wish I had something creative and fun to work on today.
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Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 3:34 pm
creative? fun? you can't think of anything by yourself? are you braindead? I should smack you across the face. I think I will. *smacks you across the face*
Fine. Granted. moron.
Here's a fun creative website called pinterest. You are all signed up and looking at fun and creative ideas from all over the interwebbies. Not only that, but as soon as something even looks remotely fun and creative, the instrux, tools, materials and ingredients instantly appear somewhere in your domicile. It takes you a while to figure this out, but pretty soon you have a fun and creative plethora of things you can choose from as well as a treasure hunt right there at your fingertips, ankles, elbows and in the fridge, bed and bathroom. So much fun! So much creativity! You won't want to sleep! You won't be able to find your bed when you do want to sleep! You won't want to pee or eat! You won't be able to find the fridge or toilet.... uh-oh. HAHAHAHA!!!
I wish I could be mean all the time, I'm liking this!
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Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2012 4:09 pm
GRANTED!!! twisted
You wake up the morning a lot more irritable than usual, due to sharp pain on your side. One of bed springs seemed to have tore through the mattress and impaled you during the night. Nothing serious, but the pain slowly increases throughout the day. You began to develop a terrible mean streak due to everyone to appear to be in a cheerful due to a good night's rest... must be nice. Why did you leave the house today? Errands. of course. At noon, you realize you haven't eaten anything today, plus you still have this pain by your side. Your mad at yourself for letting your bad luck get to you like this. You speed over to the nearest supermarket, cussing and flipping off every one in traffic. Unfortunately your blind road rage didn't let you see that police officer, but he saw you. You quickly pull into the parking lot and stole a parking spot from that nice old lady at church. Who cares she took to long. Ignoring the sirens, you quickly walk to front of the supermarket only to be stopped by a girl scout. Before she even utters a word, you slap the cookies out of her hand and went as far as flipped her whole table over. The little girl erupted with sadness, alerting everyone to your ugly demeanor. They form a crowd around and start to yelling at you. This commotion only fuels your burning fire hatred for mankind today. You scream every obscenity you ever heard to everyone. That cop finally makes his way through the crowd and slap handcuffs on you. As your thrown into the back of the cop car, you reflect on the day's events and become even more angrier. As the cop car makes its way to the station, you rock violently back and forth. The cop tries to get you to calm down, devoting more of his attention to you and away from the road. Unfortunately, neither of you even notice that semi truck.....
I wish I had a bottle of water.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:21 am
Granted. However the sadists at the water factory fitted the lid so tight that it rips the skin between your thumb and finger to shreds. Dismayed at this you seek legal compensation through the courts and to some success. Unfortunately however this was a sadistic water bottling factory owned by the notorious Salvatory family. Late one night you are snatched from your bed with a sack over your head and driven to "The Farm" where your shredded thumb becomes a distant memory, along with the other thumb.
Alas you will never be able to open another bottle of water by yourself again. (Without some kind of mechanical aid obviously)
I wish Pirate bay was still available in my country
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:10 am
Wish granted!
Pirate Bay is not only available, it replaces a good deal of what used to be habitable and yes folks, habited land mass.
So sad that you neglected to read the small print in the wish-making guide that expressly states the wish granting entity is not required to interpret wishes in accordance with the intent of the wisher.
Your domicile is now very soggy at the bottom of the newly wished-for Pirate Bay, and you are either 1. drowned, 2. sharkbait, or floundering about in ice-cold waters suffering from hypothermia hailing a pirate vessel that sadly takes no prisoners and are about to be slain. Alas.
I wish I had a good recipe for gingersnaps.
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 12:03 pm
Granted, but you can no longer stomach the taste of ginger.
I wish I was a real boy.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 1:03 pm
Wish granted.
A son is born to your grief stricken parents this morning, who didn't get everything they hoped for. They got a boy, yes. But you have a severe case of Fragile X syndrome. Luckily, you can't read this and never will be able to, so you aren't really disappointed.
I wish I could stomach the taste of ginger again.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:35 pm
Wish granted!
Each time you try something with ginger you begin to start liking it little by little until you notice that you actually love the taste of ginger but then you realize that every single thing you eat taste like ginger! Doesn't matter if it's a drink or food or a sweet, every single thing that touches your tongue taste like ginger for the rest of your life!
*The End*
I wish to get a picture and autograph from the bands I'm seeing in concert this Friday
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:05 pm
Granted!
Here's your VIP ticket upgrades to the concert. You will now be let into the concert venue 3.5 hours early by the lovely hostess Veronica with your photo ID of course and after a serious pat down by security. You are allowed one non-professional camera meaning it has to fit in a pocket and you really should have it charged and make sure you have plenty of memory for pictures. Each person will also be allowed 1 item to be autographed. You can either bring an item with you or you can purchase merchandise from the merch booth inside the venue.
Tentative Schedule for Evening:
3:30pm-4pm - Check-in with Veronica
4pm-4:30pm - Early Merchandise Shopping
4:30pm-6pm - Meet and Greet with THE BAND!
6pm - Doors Open to Public (VIPs are already in place for the show - so you have the best standing location)
7pm - Show
If you have any questions about your VIP package, feel free to email me at tickets@yerwishesgranted.com. If you need assistance on the night of your show, please contact: 1-888-YER-WISH, press 6 for VIP. This is our VIP hotline and is open daily from 2pm-10pm GMT-6 to assist our VIP customers.
PS: Since we have had an overabundance of wishes for this particular item, please stay stone cold sober. You will need to remain alert and have a brisk reaction time in case of mobbing or trampling. It would be advisable to wear steel toed boots. Martial arts and/or specops training are recommended. Also, be aware that you will be asked to sign a health and safety waiver at the desk. You may leave a notarized living will with Veronica in cased you are transported unconscious from the premises.
I wish I hadn't fallen down and hurt myself on Friday.
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:17 am
Wish granted. Someone plows into you with a bike Saturday.
I wish I had cake.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:08 pm
Officer Hot-Pants Wish granted. Someone plows into you with a bike Saturday. I wish I had cake.
Granted. Here's a nice fresh cow cake. *rigs up a shovel-catapult and flings it into your open mouth*
I wish I had smacked the guy who plowed into me with his bike. The jerk.
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Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:14 am
granted
you broke his nose
the blood clotted back and ran into his brain
instant death eek
You now live with the memory of killing someone as a result of your anger
I wish that idealism were attainable.
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Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 12:08 pm
Granted
However everyone but you learns how to obtain that idealism. They all become so cheerful that the sheer sight of them sickens you.
I wish Joss Whedon came out with a Second Season to Firefly.
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