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Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 1:08 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 1:24 pm
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Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 7:55 am
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I used to cut. Now when I say used to, don't think that I stopped of my volition. I'm just not allowed to have sharp things anymore, and dull blades piss me off. The reason that I was caught was because I did the dumbass thing of cutting the skin of my ankle with a serrated blade from my Leatherman (multi-functional tool with two blades. Should have just stuck with the regular one). I forget how long the cut was (4 inches, I think...) and it was about half an inch deep. Apparently the skin over your ankle is thin and really tense, which makes stitches a requirement. Nothing is quite as boring as being in the ER at 2 in the morning, waiting for someone to stitch you up because they're short staffed and the kid two beds down from you is really sick. Didn't feel sorry for myself, but really felt sorry for him. I think he was only 10 years old. Anyway, I'm runnin' off track again.
I didn't cut for the "emo points." I didn't cut because I was depressed, or it was the only escape from my emotions. I cut because I hate the body that I live in. I cut because I want to make this body bleed. That and because pain is almost always something that gets through the insanity that is my mind. Of course, said insanity was the reason that my ex broke up with me. I was the stress that she could eliminate from her life. *shrugs* Not her fault, just mine.
One of the niftier things that I've done is cut across my knuckles and punch the hell out of a door or wall. I think that's why they're discolored now...
I don't cut now, but I feel like I might again if I can. Which pisses me off, actually, because eventually people always see what you don't want them to see. And then comes the having to depend on people for "help." I think I'll be able to keep from cutting on the sheer desire to never be dependant on anyone ever again. I hate dependency of any kind with a passion.
So there's my rambling. Do with it what you will.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:29 pm
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i know i;ve posted before, but i feel like im going to loose it again. i started cutting, again, then stopped, and i dont want to start again, but its hard. cutting is an addiction, its odd how frequently i forget that. my ex is now dating my sister. i think they're going to get married. im so happy for them- but i dont like who they are anymore. their personalitys are shifted and its weird. my past decieves most. its something i cant discuss with anyone unless its face to face and its core deep trust. im not sure what to do, i draw, i skate, i dance, i write- nothing helps anymore, but that might be because i suck at them all. i keep suddenly remembering things that have happened that i really dont want to see, and i just burst into tears and no one knows why. i have always been a pretty indipendant person- when it comes to help i will never ask even if im struggling, especially in school. but counsiling sounds frightning, but my parents think i need the help. there is this guy who is in love with me, but my heart belongs to someone else and i just dont want to hurt him. every night i stay awake just on the phone to him listening to him crying and im not sure how i can help him. i know "its his problem" but his problm is my problem. i hate hurting people and im not sure what i can do. please, someone offer me some kind of advice, i hate giving up but it feels like my only option left.
xxx
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:35 am
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summerysky i know i;ve posted before, but i feel like im going to loose it again. i started cutting, again, then stopped, and i dont want to start again, but its hard. cutting is an addiction, its odd how frequently i forget that. my ex is now dating my sister. i think they're going to get married. im so happy for them- but i dont like who they are anymore. their personalitys are shifted and its weird. my past decieves most. its something i cant discuss with anyone unless its face to face and its core deep trust. im not sure what to do, i draw, i skate, i dance, i write- nothing helps anymore, but that might be because i suck at them all. i keep suddenly remembering things that have happened that i really dont want to see, and i just burst into tears and no one knows why. i have always been a pretty indipendant person- when it comes to help i will never ask even if im struggling, especially in school. but counsiling sounds frightning, but my parents think i need the help. there is this guy who is in love with me, but my heart belongs to someone else and i just dont want to hurt him. every night i stay awake just on the phone to him listening to him crying and im not sure how i can help him. i know "its his problem" but his problm is my problem. i hate hurting people and im not sure what i can do. please, someone offer me some kind of advice, i hate giving up but it feels like my only option left.
xxx
Giving up is usually the BEST option. Just give up. Not to say on life, but just give up trying for a while. Relax, breathe out. When you need a breather, when things get rough, lean on a real friend, one who will do everything to say what you need to hear but also hold you up with a loving hand. Vent off your frustrations cry it out and listen to some music. Here's one for you; Headlights by The Classic Crime. It is one of those venting songs.
Just drop it all on the ground and leave it there in the past. You're only as free as you let yourself be.
edit: Personally, I think you need to sort a decision out with this boy who likes you. Tell him you are sorting out your own life and don't want a relationship at this point. Tell him he should move on and just live his own life also. It's not always easy being truthful but being a good person relies on those kind of actions..
editedit: and yes I realize I'm about 6 months late... but I thought I'd throw that bit out there..
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:19 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:45 pm
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At one point in my life I started to cut myself, my mother found out and I promised I wouldn't do it again, a few weeks later I started again because my friend told me he did too, my mom caught me again and grounded me for a week, a month later I was joking with my friends and we had scisors and I pretended to but I went too deep and I bled and yet again my mom found out, I got grounded for the entire summer and I stopped, now when I'm angry (I'm barely ever angry) I bite myself and I also do that when I feel realy depressed which is a few times a week. My friend wasn't so lucky, he started and none of his parents stopped him, he did it through 7th grade into the summer, he got angry one day and he realy hurt himself, he cut realy deep and he had to tell his parents, his dad yelled at him and he got realy deppressed over the summer, he told me he stopped cutting so now we both have stopped.
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:45 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:33 am
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 5:59 am
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Got Wilk the main point in this was really that, if someone you know tells you they're harming themselves, or has thought about it, even if you are not sure if they are serious please believe them. and even if they are hardly putting marks on their body, its not the intensity in which they hurt themselves, its the fact that they do. even if it is for attention its still very serious
I didn't tell my best friend I started cutting (February of last year) until she told me that she did for the first time. I was so surprised that she would just open up to me with something like that, especially since I hadn't told anyone at all for almost a year. (we're unnaturally close heart ) She is very intent of not making it a habit (or tries to think so), but I really don't care (when it comes to me). I want to tell her to stop, and how much I care about her, but I feel like it's not my place to tell her since I do it myself. She's told me a good few times that it's not good for me, but at the same time, we both know how it makes you feel and how relieved you are when you do it. We were talking about it once and we both agreed that it was like all the "bad stuff" was running out with the blood and tears.
A couple weeks ago she ODed on her depression pills and was kept in the psyche ward up until a couple days ago. She had asked me if I had my razorblade earlier that day, and, to my surprise, I was really sorry that I didn't. Maybe if I had given it to her, she wouldn't have tried to kill herself. How can I let her know how much I love her??? emo
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Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:29 am
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Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 5:17 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 6:54 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 10:15 am
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