~*The Rantbox*~

[trampyre]

XWraith_LordX

trampyre

God, I am so ******** depressed right now.

sad Relationship issues?

Yeah. We had a fight. Probably the worst one in a long time. Life's a little better now, but this happens every so often with him. I think it's from alcohol withdrawal (yeah, he drinks pretty much every day, and that worries me because he's not emotionally stable to begin with). I'm starting to get scared that he really doesn't care... about anything. His own life included.

I'm starting to wonder (honestly) if he really has any goals in life other than just watching Family Guy and fiddling with his computer all day. He used to, or claims he does, but I don't see it anymore. I wonder how much of a future there is with him, if he sees me in his future at all. I love him, and I'm very attached to him (happens over the course of two years... not to mention all the s**t he and I have been through together). Although, I screwed things up a little at one point in our relationship so we got off to a rocky start two years ago. It's reallllly complicated. Soap opera material, LOL.

I'm 27. Maybe that's not old but it feels old to me. I feel the clock ticking away. I didn't really think I would still be 'just' dating someone right now, ya know? I hoped that I would be in a secure relationship (at the very least) or married even (best case scenario). Call me traditional... anyways. Things have always been very on-again-off-again with us. It could just be that he really doesn't love me and is just using me for sex. Or something like that. I have no ******** clue anymore, I just try to maintain as much stability as I possibly can for my own sanity.  

[Twisted Maggot]

I am going to ******** murder my father one of these days!!!!!!!!!! Do you have any goddamn idea what I want to do to him?! The murder story I've fantasized might be too gorey, so I'll tell you the ending. I want to burn him, throw a couple grenades in the flames, run away, come back, and then dance around the ashes!!! Then I want to throw them off a cliff into the ocean with sharks!!!!!!!! scream evil  

[trampyre]

I'm so sick of getting sick. How am I going to get through singing today? crying  

[trampyre]

Warning: strong language.

OK so he says "yes we can go see Coraline tomorrow (ie today). Call me."

I call him at 3:30 pm and he doesn't answer, I leave a message. I figured that was enough time for him to wake up since he usually goes to bed so late.

I call back half an hour later, no answer.

hour later, no answer, leave another ******** message.

half an hour later, leave a message saying I'm taking a shower and I'll be out in 20 minutes in case he calls during that time.

I get out, wait a while, call back. 5:30 pm. His inbox is full, can't leave a message.

5:45, I send a text, angry at this point. What the hell is going on? is he sleeping? is he out with that stupid girl Sarina? wtf. He said we could go out today and it's ******** 6 o'clock now. I've been waiting around all day for him. I should have gone out and practised, but I ******** wasted my time because he doesn't have the decency to pick up his phone, or tell me when I should call so I could avoid all this mess. ******** bloody hell.

Is it too much to expect someone to live up to their promises?

I feel like he just doesn't care about my feelings. Like it's a big deal that he has to meet up with Sarina and get his laptop back from her. But I am always at the bottom of the list. He just can't ever put me first. Ever. Ever though time after time, I have done that for him... in spite of sickness, lack of sanity, losing friends... all kinds of s**t.

Why why why.

What the hell is going on with him?

My heart is breaking, and he can't even see it. HE's breaking my heart. He's losing my love, breaking my soul, I don't even know if he can see, or if he can see if he cares. He needs to try harder. He needs to do something. Probably something drastic, and soon.

I'm tired. I have to go out. Maybe practising will make it all better.

Screw him.

crying  

[mechanical kitsy]

I'm so annoyed. My grandma does one big monetary thing for her grandkids. She's got lots of money. So she offered to get the car I need. Up to a certain limit of course. I picked out a car under that limit. But no. She says she wont get it. I have to get this other car that'll probly cost me three times as much as the camaro I wanted. Seriously. The limit was $2500, and i was under that. I need a reliable car for school, not some junker. Yet, she'll go out and buy my brother a laptop right after he drops out and my mom says he can't have a laptop. She'll pay my cousin's bills that are worth about $3000, even though she pretty much hates him. And my brother can have her '07 Impala when she gets a new car. But I have to get the junker because I'm the greedy one. Yea. She said I was being greedy for wanting a '96 Camaro. LMFAO.
I get it.
I never asked for a car, either.
But I get it.
I'm not good enough.
My aunt wasn't good enough, and neither am I. I look exactly like her too.
My grandma and my dad are always complaining about my aunt, about how she's health conscious or environment conscious. I like my aunt. I admire her for not wanting to pollute the earth more. I know she has a health problem with certain foods and its not all in her head. They think its rubbing off on me and her son because we're lactose intolerant, so they think its just in our heads.
Anyways.
I really just dislike my grandmother sometimes. She'll do anything for anyone, except me. Hell, she's let my dad live with her rent free for a decade. I stayed there for a week when I was having problems with my mom and she wanted me out.
But I guess thats were I get my natural hatred of women from.  

[mechanical kitsy]

Another rant, so soon... biggrin does a body good.
regarding my boyfriend... that boy can be a dumb s**t sometimes. oh, yes. he talks to the girl he cheated on me with. and told her he still cares about her. and wont come around her because he can't restrain himself. now, i dunno if he was ******** with her or not, but what a dumbass. i told him flat out. i dont give a s**t about IMing her. he gets within 100 yards of her and i will kill him. in nicer words, of course. he doesn't exactly know i know he said that. but he's an idiot sometimes so who cares. i don't believe him that it was a one time deal anyways. i told him i believed him, but whats it matter. he flirts with so many girls. he gets mad at me for scaring them off. of course, one i scared off for a few months, and she came back and gave him a ******** hickey. he said, not interested. or at least, thats what he claims. the funny thing is, he gets off on pure charm. it's not like he's the hot captain of the football team every girl wants. but still, lots of girls go after him. being scary has its advantages...
regarding this ******** diet pill... i ******** hate it, and love it. its like, a super caffeine pill. it makes me happy. i'm so unaffected by caffeine though. the regular dosage is equivalent to two cups of coffee. i took it, and went back to sleep a half an hour later. i hate it though. when i woke up, i was paralyzed. oh so much fun-ness. i dunno. maybe it wasnt caused by that. but the other, more personal problems are.
gosh
and to top things off, i havent been anywhere in ages!
the only good thing that happened, is i finally got money put in my account at school. so my account should be unfrozen soon. ******** bastards. it wasnt my fault in the first place they didnt tell my my loan wouldnt come through. <******** migraine. i keep having hallucinations on my skin. feels like somethings crawling on my foot. and i see nothings there. its a wonder i can function properly. i guess high pain tolerances are good.
and no i dont like journals. written ones can be found. online ones can be traced back to you. you people dont know who i am.  

[gothic-vampire-girl88]

Dearest Darling`

Warning: Lots of swear words.

My rant today shall be about *drum roll* My sister.

She's a ******** slut who tries to copy every ******** thing I ******** do and ******** takes credit for it! I hope she ******** burns in hell for life for being such a ******** whore! scream scream scream

My brother can be a ******** b***h to! He doesn't exactly take credit for my work (He's to dumb for that) but he literally tries to kill me! I hate him so damn much! scream scream scream  

[Henneth Annun]

******** thief, you digust me. Never show me your face again, don't even come around here. Go to hell.

Thief  

[Rellik San]

XWraith_LordX

digust me. Never show me your face again, don't even come around here. Go to hell.

Thief

HEY! stealing your sisters underwear was completely accidental... wearing it wasn't.... ohh I love the feel of lace.  

[Henneth Annun]

Rellik San

XWraith_LordX

digust me. Never show me your face again, don't even come around here. Go to hell.

Thief

HEY! stealing your sisters underwear was completely accidental... wearing it wasn't.... ohh I love the feel of lace.

rofl  

[Rellik San]

I was drunk off her kiss for another night in a row, it was becomming far too routine for me although I didn't mean to lead her on. I told her its alright to pretend we still talk, that it was just a show anyway, it was my fault we fell apart. Maybe, just maybe she needed this it was my fault after all. She was everything I wanted but I just couldn't finish what I started, now there is no room left here on my back, though she swears we were true, I still picked my friends over her.  

[Gothic Muffin of Doom]

My rant today is about gossip, and by gossip I don't mean clebrity gossip that you get off the net or the tabloids. Not at all! It's about real gossip. Why can't girls just spend a day, or an hour without it? why do they have to keep telling each other secrets to each other? Why do they have to keep talking about people's backs? This issue has made me grow more and more secretive to an extent off total discomfort. I can't tell a personal thing to even my closest friends becuase I know they will go on spilling it everywhere. I can't even tell them something not personal because I know that as they make fun of their absent friends in front of me they would do the same to me. I've really had it with keeping everything to myself. Sometimes, even I need to talk.  

[Keevan Draco]

#uck it! i'm having one of those "got the gun in my hand...now where did i hide the bullets?" kind of week...

I just don't care anymore......one day fine, the next as craptastic as it can possibly get. I'm ready to check out any day ******** the planet.....no one really cares.  

[Twisted Maggot]

There are so many words I would like to say now. >_<
My mom keeps making me feel bad. I went in the kitchen to turn the light on, and she said "*sigh* I have no privacy! None!" So I said "sorry." She said "No, no, it's not your fault." So I said, "Well then why did you just say that when I went in here?" She said "Because it's true." Then I said "You know, you make me feel like it's always my fault." Then she went on about how "when Lucas (her boyfriend) and I are in the other room, you go in there and act like an a**." First of all, I don't know what the ******** she's talking about, and second of all, I only act like an a** when she acts like a c**t. >_<

You know, I don't know anybody whose mother constantly calls her child an a** or an a*****e. I don't know anybody whose mother constantly makes her child feel suicidal, and I don't know anybody whose mother constantly makes her child have no self esteem.  

[Sulphuric]

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Swine flu DX