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Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 12:07 pm
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i began to cut when away from my parents for the first time at a residential magnet high school, i couldn't cope with seeming loss of all the friends i had worked so very hard to create i had to start anew and was terrified. i felt that my very being was dieing but no one could tell, i knew i needed help but was to afraid to ask and figured that if someone saw my cuts and were worried about me it would prove that i wasn't completely worthless in this world and that life was actually worth living. but then my girlfriend ( my only friend at this new school, we kinda just ran into each other one day and neither of us let go) found out and she didn't think it a good idea to continue my habitually bad habit, in fact she said that my smoking was probably safer than cutting and that she didn't care which but i had to quit one of them. i chose to quit smoking cuz i was only a social smoker at the time and figured it would be easier to quit due to the fact that it had no real emotional connection to me. it was just something to do between class and after meals and such. so i quit smoking, but that is not what she wanted, she had actually wanted me to quit cutting and didn't really care about my slightly obnoxious smoking habit, she said she actually enjoyed the smell of cloves. but anyway one night she had had enough, she found me in one of the school's many common rooms asleep in a chair with a fresh set of crimson pin stripes down my arm and flipped. she found a set of nail clippers and decided that if i wanted to cut myself that she would help and she then cut into my shoulder in a very specific pattern, she spelled out "we are over" into my flesh. i didn't wake up when she did it, but when i did wake up i had blood all over my shirt and body, i read the message and cried for like an hour, and it hurt like hell physically so that contributed to my pitiful state. we broke up and didn't talk to each other for the majority of my remaining 2 years at the school, but met someone else and haven't cut since then
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Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:42 pm
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About a year ago, I lost the most important thing in the world, the guy i was deeply in love with...days progressed, i became more and more depressed as the days went by..I resorted to cutting when me and him started getting into arguments... things got more and more ugly when he started yelling more and more,, i stopped cutting for months because things were getting progresively better by the days... right now he has a new girfriend , and he wants me to move on, when he is my life... i started cutting again, and now im thinking about ending my life altogether.... he was my life, and now i lost him, i need to win him back in some way, or else im in trouble...
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:58 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:22 am
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 6:00 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:15 am
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 6:52 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 6:16 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 5:13 am
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early 2007, met someone special. and bet you can guess they broke my heart like they always do. it made me so down to think of him with another girl, and i would wonder what was wrong with me- why he didnt like me.. i listed all the things that could possibly hurt me if i was called them and i forced myself into thinking i was all those things. i would just cry and cry until someone came to see what i was up to and i would clean my face and pretend to be asleep. no one knew, they wouldnt understand. over 4 months later, i was still bad, and was getting worse. i started cutting. it was the only controll i had over my life, until i met someone else. we were almost engaged, but after afew months of us being together, he became pushy and controlling of me. he wouldnt let me see my friends and he would blame me for everything. he would tell me i lied to him all the time, when really all it was was i was trying to find out why i still loved him when he would be so hurtful toward me. then one day, he just let me go. next day he is with another girl and i feel so betrayed. i havent spoken to him in a while, but now he is moving closer and closer to my sister. i saw him yesterday, he was holding her more closely than he use to hold me. i ran out crying and went home, once again i pretended nothing had happened because im never aloud to see him again. i stoped cutting myself a while ago, but while me and him were together i did it more frequently than ever before, and i couldnt think why. my parents found out about my self harming when someone anonomously told the principle of my highschool. it was pretty iscolating tbh. and i miss that guy, and i really shouldnt. nowadays i chanel out my frustration with drawing late into the night. its the only way i can distract myself from the world around me. people use to call me anti-social, boring, depressing, a wanna-be and all that kinda crap. so now i hide from all my friends. none of then know who i am, and its really sad. although, the last person i let myself out to ended out diliking me aswell, he hasnt talked to me in 3 weeks. i miss so many people. but at least i have one good friend now who accepts me for who i really am. and as long as i have her, ill be alright (:.
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Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:32 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:10 am
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Archangel Izual summerysky look babes. cutting may help you now, but one day ur gunna regret it. i know i sure did. one day when you want to wear something ur not going to be able to because of these petty scarrs. and i bet u think its the only way you can controll everything right? wrong. there is so much you can controll in life. you need to learn what you have to live for- stop this stupid game that ur playing. u must think its a joke if u think its so small- ur damaging something that will never heal. in about 10 years you will look back on yourself and be disgusted by ur actions that will have a huge effect on the rest of your life. think about it will you? x Exactly. If you have an issue in your life and you "deal" with it by cutting it's going to just cause another problem... the problem of not being able to show that area of skin. Don't say "I'll just cut somewhere nobody can see then" because someday you'll be married and undress yourself infront of your spouse and it WILL be VERY embarrassing the first time if not EVERY time. The funny/sad thing is, being a guy and having cut on my bicep and not my wrist, people wouldn't think to question it. If it were a GIRL however, people would IMMEDIATELY notice and make it known to eachother. But then again... most young cutters are too scared to make more than little scratch-like cuts. That's not an encouragement to cut deeper or a dare. It's still just as bad, but it's even more pathetic when a cutter who only SCRATCHES themself goes about whining to their friends about cutting trying to get attention. HINT: If you're trying to get attention, cutting isn't the way. Hell, attention whores are stupid anyway. :/
ThAnKyOu!!!! someone who knows what they are on about . i cut myself on the bottom of my leg :/ and now i cant wear anything i want to and it just kills me when i think i might meet someone and then they will just leave me because of what i did.. i know this is going to sound really critical of my friends but, they have all cut themselves and they have all showed me and "bragged" about it- they are small scratches which are not going to be there in one years time. and they are all like "look, look what i did, im so stressed lately and everything is going wrong, its the only thing i could turn to" and when i ask them whats wrong they just say "oh, nothing. maybe i'll tell you another time" and laugh as they leave. i dont understand people like that :/. i was the first of my friends to start- i know i shouldnt have dont but thats how it started- then they all got suspicious of my ristbands so they held me down and rippid them off... next thing i no they are all doing it o.o so its my fault- right? my scarrs are never going to heal, and its unbelievably embaressing. girls always find out about things like this so they all want to see, i just run away- i dont even know how they found out... Also, this guy who use to tell me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and would hold me so close that i would feel like we were forever and more- has fallen in love with my sister -_- i see him every day and they are always laughing and smiling when they are together, and i wonder "why cant i be happy too ): " i didnt do it for attention- it was more of "its the only thing i can controll" or "everythings going wrong, if things are this s**t maybe i deserve pain" which is a bit insane but its how i think. help me, i beg you, before i resort back to self harming i think my mum might put me in a mental insitute if i do o.o help me, please? xx
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:36 am
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Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 7:07 am
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I have been a cutter for nearly 3 years now. It is such an addicting thing. You may think that "oh, I'm only going to do it once, just to vent my anger." That's not how it is going to turn out. The truth is, it it going to get worse and worse each time. The cuts will get deeper, and the lapses between each time you do it will shorten. I was forced to stop nearly 2 years ago when my parents found out and made me go to therapy. I was clean for almost an entire year. Not because I didn't need it anymore, but because I didn't enjoy going to therapy at all. More like, I hated it. I can't stand the idea of telling someone who doesn't know me or understand me what problems I'm facing. They can't get into my head and understand how I feel. They're trained to try to do that, but I don't let them in.
After being clean however, I relapsed when my boyfriend and I broke up. I was already incredibly stressed with so many other things. Piano, School, staying in shape, soccer, and I had track season starting soon. I couldn't take it anymore. I went into the kitchen and got the sharpest knife I could find. Since then, I've been doing it way more often than before.
Recently it has gotten so bad, that I even carry a paperclip with me at school. I was so angry and upset a couple days ago, that I ran to an bathroom and locked myself into a stall, with my trusty friend. The paperclip was so incredibly dull. I dont know how I got it to bleed as much as it did. I bled through my white sweater.
I can't get enough of the feeling. Sometimes I just do it because I like the feeling of blood running down my arm.
Just don't ever start. Once you do, it will be nearly impossible to stop. It's more addicting than you know.
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