My mission: My heart or my job?

[Shuro2009]

She snapped her head up when she heard a voice. She wanted to kick herself when she saw Haru. A few tears sprang forth and slide down her cheeks which caused her to flush. She quickly looked away.
"What are you doing here?"  

[Snowflake109]

"What do you think?" he questioned, gesturing to his gym clothes. She wasn't exactly looking at him so his gesture was all for nothing. "Erm going to go work out..." he sheepishly said, rubbing the back of his head. He then took a few steps toward her before kneeling down beside her.
"What about you? H-how are you doing?" He was thinking to hard causing him to stutter over the questions.  

[Shuro2009]

"I'm being a fool." She said simply, still not looking at him. " A stupid, hopeless, idiotic, worthless, good-for-nothing fool....the same as I've always been."
She gripped her arms even tighter if at all possible. She took a few shaky breaths to try and keep herself calm.  

[Snowflake109]

"You're not a fool," Haru said, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "It doesn't make you a fool to care about the ones you love." he said to put it simply. He thought about moving his hand, but he just kept it there giving her a gentle squeeze. "You're family is lucky to have someone like you looking after them."  

[Shuro2009]

She flinched slightly at his touch, but kept it under control.
"How would you know if I'm a fool or not?" She whispered. "You don't know me. How could you possibly know?"
She took another shaky breath. She wasn't going to cry, not now.  

[Snowflake109]

He just smiled down at her before saying, "You can just sometimes tell that about a person from just looking or watching how they act. I don't think it's foolish to go out of you're way to help someone. It's those who don't that I find foolish. Is that odd?"  

[Shuro2009]

"No." She admitted
She paused for a while. She sighed.
"I know I'm not a fool for going out of my way to help my brother or anyone else. I'm a fool for...." She sighed again. "I'm a fool because of what I can't and didn't do, for allowing myself to feel like this, and for being so quick to show weakness."  

[Snowflake109]

"It's what makes you human," Haru said simply, tilting his head to the side as he thought. "We all have our weaknesses...its nothing to be ashamed of." He paused as he let out a breath. "You don't break when you've got something important to do. You stay strong and get the job done. Am I right?"  

[Shuro2009]

"On the job, I can't afford to show difficulties whether it be pain or sadness. One moment can lead to death. The same with allowing the enemy to divide and conquer."  

[Snowflake109]

"My point exactly. As for what happened in the past...I'm sure that nothing could have be done to prevent it. It wasn't your fault."  

[Shuro2009]

"Of course there were things i could have done to prevent it. I've run that scene over and over again. I see all of my mistakes. I could've just stayed a low rank agent. Then we would still be together and somewhat happy. I could have never agreed to join then he never would have been at risk at all....no one close to me would. There was always something I could have done. I was just an idiot that couldn't see two inches in front of my own face or care enough to realize just how much he meant to me."  

[Snowflake109]

Haru shook his head. "You couldn't predict the future, Asho. Stop beating yourself over something that you couldn't of known was going to happen," he said as gently as possible. "Even if there was something you could've done in that moment, you can't dwell on it. The past is the past even though its painful."  

[Shuro2009]

She sighed.
"You don't even know what happened." She said. "Why are you trying to be so....kind? I've done nothing but try and push you away....to keep you as far away from me as possible so you don't get hurt. So why? You don't even know what I've been through. Why do you sound so sure?"  

[Snowflake109]

"I know enough to know there was nothing you could do about it," he said in a cased closed manner.
He smiled at her. "I'm not "trying" to be kind. It's just the way I am." He shrugged, allowing his hand that was on her shoulder to slid up to push a strand of hair behind her ear. "And I don't buy that you're pushing me away to protect me. You don't even know me. I think you're protecting you." He paused for another moment before going to answer her other question. "As I said I know enough from what I've heard to know and experienced something like it," he coughed, brushing off that last comment. "Besides, I believe in you, Miss Asho." He laughed at himself. "Wow, that sounded corny, but its the truth. Honest." He pressed his hand against his heart and bowed his head for a moment. "You should believe in yourself too..."  

[Shuro2009]

She tensed when he brushed her hair back and stayed silent for a long time.
"It's hard to believe in yourself when you can't find hope." She whispered.
She looked over at him.
"What makes you think I'm trying to protect myself? Why wouldn't I be acting to protect you? I know what happens to those who stay close to me. Their life become endangered. Why would I want to condemn anyone to that? What makes you think it's to protect myself?" She paused again. "And it was a bit corny....and clique." A very smile smile barely graced her lips at the last part.