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Sirius Black-Snuffles Captain
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 Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:14 pm
"Remus...Remus...Remus..." Sirius continued to chant the other's name shaking his head as he was pulled into the other's embrace.
"Please...I didn't mean to...I didn't want them to die...I didn't want him to go away...I didn't want to leave you...I didn't want...Please I'm sorry..." he whispered clutching onto anything he could get his hands on. He continued to shake his head, tears falling from his eyes.
"Please...please...I--I never meant to...I just...I just wanted...Remus..." he continued to softly chant the other's name, his eyes glazed over as he let his head fall on the other man's chest.
"I'm sorry."
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:43 pm
Wrapping his arms around Sirius, he made a shushing noise in the back of his throat. "I'm here, Sirius," he said finally. "I know you didn't want it to happen, Sirius. I know, you didn't mean for it to happen. It just happened. Nothing can be done about it and we have to stop blaming ourselves for it."
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Sirius Black-Snuffles Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:54 pm
Sirius sobbed and clung to Remus tightly. He let Remus' voice wash over him and started to slowly calm down.
"I don't want to remember any more. I want to forget it all, just go back. But They--They had promised They could give me that--and They didn't. They didn't, and I just didn't want to remember anything. I wasn't supposed to come back, coming back meant having to deal with memories and--and I don't want to, because every time I try...it's all bad. And I didn't want that, and I don't want that, and I don't want any of it. They had promised, but They lied." Sirius sobbed and shook his head.
"They lied and I'm back and I don't want to be happy but I am and I..." he stopped and looked up and lightly brushed the tips of his fingers across Remus' cheek.
"They said I would forget you...and I didn't want that--not all of it at least." Sirius looked Remus in the eye and sobbed.
"I love you..."
((*grins* And so begins the unfolding of the two years of Death...this will take a very long time and lots of angst sessions all spread out))
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:24 pm
(Oi, this is...difficult to reply to without going majorly sappy...oh well.)
Remus smiled, catching Sirius hand in his own. He didn't know who They were and some part of him wasn't sure he wanted to know. "I wouldn't let you forget me, even if you tried. I love you too, more than anything."
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Sirius Black-Snuffles Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:36 pm
Sirius smiled sadly up at Remus. He rested his head on Remus once more and pushed away all the thoughts and tears trying to get back to normal. He had mentioned Them--a mistake he was sure. He didn't want to be questioned right now though and he tried desperately to return to normal. He pulled away from Remus and straighted up, keeping his hand in the werewolf's the entire time.
"Once we're sure Kathryn is ok, I'm going on a walk to..collect myself..." he muttered. He looked over to Kathryn and squeezed Remus' hand to reassure himself that the other was still there.
"How you doing kiddo?" he asked, letting out a soft cough to bring his voice back to normal.
((the few times I have cried in my life, my voice was all weird afterwards...maybe it's just me, but now Sirius has the same problem))
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:50 pm
Only a few seconds after her question was asked, Remus began to tell the whole sad sorry tale about his previous birthday. Then began the implosion of angst of Sirius, who began to sob and stuttering out words of pain. Kathryn wasn't one to actually pity someone, she was more caught up about her own life. It was selfish but, she didn't even know who these people who died were. And frankly, she didn't actually care that much. She wanted to walk over to Sirius and slap him and tell him to stop blaming him self. Only, that would be rude and Remus had it all under control. In a way, the fact that Sirius had broken down and she had not made her feel proud of herself. All of her angst and sadness was buried in a little pit in her mind and she didn't feel the need to break down and cry about it. Sure, it was selfish to think her past was just as bad, in fact it wasn't, but it made her feel happy that her emotions were so deeply concealed.
"How you doing kiddo?" Sirius asked. Kathryn chuckled.
"I believe I should be the one asking you that after your little breakdown. But frankly I am mostly concerned about this foreign object jutting out of my arm" Kathryn said with a grin.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:02 pm
(And now, Poppy's secret)
Madam Pomfrey, caught up in the whole thing with Sirius and Remus. She wasn't about to admit it but she had a fondness for these sort of things, that she didn't realize that she'd forgotten to take the needle out of Kathryn's arm until the girl had pointed it out.
"Oh, dear," she said absently, removing said needle. "Now, just lay back and relax dear, don't want you collapsing just yet now do we?"
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:12 pm
Sirius coughed at Kathyrn's comment on his breakdown and watched Madame Pomfrey remove the needle.
"Well now that no one is going to die...Kathryn, I'll grab your chocolate bar during my walk and bring it back to you a bit later ok?" He stood and relunctantly let go of Remus' hand. He brought it to his other hand and clasped them together in front of his chest, nervously wringing them. He nodded to Madame Pomfrey and smiled at Kathyrn before glancing at Remus and looking quickly back down.
"I'll be careful with my leg..." he muttered before walking out of the Hospital Wing and heading down the stairs carefully.
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Sirius Black-Snuffles Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:31 pm
Remus watched Sirius leave. He wanted to go after him. Tell him that he was sorry for screwing up again. It was strange, being so attached to someone like this. He felt cold now that Sirius had left and some part of his ached simply because he had left unsmiling.
Resting his head in his hands, he sighed. It isn't supposed to be this way, he thought bitterly. Hadn't he dealt with enough s**t in his life. Didn't he deserve something to just work out, without all the problems and bullshit that went with it? Maybe I don't, he thought absently, combing his fingers through his hair, maybe I'm just supposed to spend the rest of my life struggling for some sort of normalcy that I'm just not going to get.
(oi, angst again)
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:39 pm
Kathryn, who was still lying on her stomach looked over at Remus who looked very woebegone.
"Hey mate, stop worrying, if you spend 1 hour moping everytime something goes wrong you mind aswell mope for the rest of your life" Kathryn said sagely. It was true, you have to move on, no matter how hard it is. "Sorry if I sound rude or blunt but don't get so down" She said with a smile.
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Sirius Black-Snuffles Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:41 pm
Sirius walked down the hallway turned the corner and sat down heavily. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and shivered. He wanted Remus so badly. He wanted to see Remus smile and laugh--it never failed to make him happy--but for some reason something was telling him that he needed to stop depending on Remus--Merlin only knows what will happen to the werewolf if Sirius made his whole life revovle around him. But Sirius knew it was too late--he just wanted to be strong, to get over all this crap by himself. He just wanted...
"Stop kidding yourself Black...you're pathetic, you can't breathe without his permission," he growled out looking down at the floor.
"You're nothing without him..." he stopped and looked up.
"But...when has that ever been different?" he whispered to himself.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:14 pm
Remus looked over at Kathryn. "You're probably right," he said slowly. "I-I need to talk to him."
Standing up, he stepped out into the hall and started off in what he hoped was the direction Sirius had gone in. Something beyond nearly tripping over him told him he was right.
"Sirius, look I know you wanted to be alone, but I should tell you this now before this goes any farther than it already has," he started. He shook his head. He was rambling again. Oh well.
"Last year, with the whole St. Mungo's thing, I wasn't - I mean - I wouldn't have reacted like that if," he made a quick gesture with his hands, unsure if he really wanted to tell Sirius this quite yet either. "I just, I don't want to hide things from you anymore and this is a big deal and I'm rambling again. Sorry.
"Look," he wrung his hands together, looking down at the floor, "At some point while we were at Grimmauld Place I - that is - the Wolf - or maybe it was me - either way. I wasn't just in love with you anymore. I - I didn't really see it until now because you're reciprocating my feelings, but - I'm not very good at this today."
He sat down heavily on the stone floor, hanging his head between his knees.
"I basically marked you as my mate, so," he swallowed, "regardless of your feelings, I'm attached permanently to you, thats why I ended up in St. Mungo's. The fact that you actually want to be with me just made me realize it is all."
He sighed.
"I doubt you appreciate the fact that I'm that relant on you, but I thought it best if I told you. I'm not asking you to give up your life, or what little you've had because of all the s**t that's happened, to be with me. I'm just - I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."
(Angst.)
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Sirius Black-Snuffles Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:34 pm
Sirius watched Remus silently and took it all in. When Remus sat down and finished up he moved next to him and leaned against him wrapping one arm around Remus.
"I would just like to state that we have some seriously ******** up lives, and that God--sucks," he said. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He rested his head against Remus.
"So, you nearly died because I wasn't there...oh yes, it's not your fault Sirius! Not my fault my a**, please, Mate or no mate I could see through that more clearly then a window," he muttered flashing a quick smile at Remus. He shook his head.
"No--let's be honest right now. Maybe you can be a little more clear on this Mate thing though. What exactly--besides the fact that when something is wrong and you aren't close my heart feels like it's been stabbed--will this do to affect us? I mean, are you going to start jumping and attacking people who touch me and become extremely protective, am I going to be like, totally in tune with you at all times? Better yet--is the wolf going to molest Padfoot, because I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with that considering we haven't even had normal human sex yet."
Sirius stopped talking and glared at Remus.
"Now you've got me rambling. Look what I'm trying to say is...I don't have anything other then you Remus, and...like today when you got hit with that arrow...Merlin I was so scared. I-I was sure I was going to lose you, and then I would have nothing, and it would be all my fault because I wasn't completely blocking you from their arrows."
He swallowed and leaned back shaking his head.
"I kept thinking 'Good job Sirius, once again you failed to protect someone, to save some one!' And I couldn't even help you after I got the arrow out. I had to sit there and sob and ask for some one else to help. I'm so useless."
He bit his bottom lip.
"That...that whole thing about you in St. Mungos--on your birthday no less!--it was just too much. I mean, I couldn't protect you, I couldn't protect Kathryn, and then I learn you basically tried to kill yourself because I wasn't there."
Sirius turned to Remus, tears running down his face.
"Remus, my world, my life revolves around you--and it always has, and I'm just now starting to realize how dangerous and how scary that is. If something happens to you...I can't...I won't be able to live with myself Rem! I've been through so much...and none of it has ever changed me for the better. I'm just...I need you so much at times that I freak out and can't handle it."
He smiled through his tears and lifted a hand to Remus' face, his thumb lightly tracing Remus' cheek bone.
"Even if wolves didn't mate for life, I'd ask you to anyways--I wouldn't be able to function completely not knowing if you'd always be there for me."
((originally there were two more paragraphs...I condensed it))
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:45 pm
Kathryn watched wistfully as Remus exited the room. She made to get up and follow but Madame Promfrey pushed her back on the bed.
"No no no, no moving for you yet, besides..." She said looking at the door "I think they need a moment alone" She added with a wink at Kathryn before walking to her office to do some paperwork, and write up what new potions she would need from Severus. Kathryn looked back then folding her arms and tilted her head on its side against the pillow.
"Oh god what have I gotten myself into?" She muttered and sighed.
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 2:21 am
Draco moves slowly though the hallways he had caught a horriable cold and had locked himself in his bed room. He was finally well enouph now though that he could get food for himself.
His body still showed sickness though fom the dark circles of his eyes to his slightly shruken cheeks. His body was slightly thiner he moves slowly toward the lunch room.
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