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 Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:39 am
Granted But You also Lose all Your Instincts ....So while walking Home From Your friends House one Evening Your Survival Instict Doesnt Tingle when a dark Stranger Is Following You Home so Much it doesnt That you turn around and invite Him Over to your House for an apertif at witch he shockingly accepts ..Your New strange Friend then Declares he has nowhere to Sleep at witch You Offer your Couch ...You awake the Next Morning to Find you have been robbed Blind and Your House is Now devoid of any Furniture ...
I wish The Cable guy showed up at his appointed time ...
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:50 am
Granted!
The cable guy shows up on time, talking 100 miles an hour. You were never there for me were you mother? You expected Mike and Carol Brady to raise me! I'm the b*****d son of Claire Huxtable! I am a Lost Cunningham! I learned the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life! Oh God! Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don't think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold.I don't listen to you. I pretend to understand, but I'm really just saying the things that I think you want to hear. And I'm interested in learning about every detail of the complicated splendor that is you. Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac. You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility! He keeps it up for months, finally driving you from your home AFTER you have signed a 10year contract.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:17 am
Pssst! ... bandaidd, you forgot to make a wish! ...
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:21 am
oopsie.
I wish I had remembered.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:48 pm
Granted the sudden shift in space time correcting your mistake rips a hole in the fabric of reality collapsing the universe in on itself destroying everything.
I wish I had more friends.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:00 pm
Granted. You now have 50,000 friends which causes a constant string of being asked to "hang out", accused of favoring some friends over others, asked for money or other favors, and ample unexpected visits in which they linger about your home uncomfortably and raid your refrigerator.
I wish I had more art.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:10 pm
Granted, but none of it is any good.
I wish I had a girlfriend.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:50 pm
Granted, but one night, she turns out to be a he.
I wish I had some french fries.
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:10 am
Granted…but they are all burnt to a crisp.
I wish my tomato plants were doing better neutral
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:40 am
Look again! Your tomato plants are incredibly happy, healthy, fruitful and HUGE! Each one takes up the space of a city block and reaches 1563 stories into the sky. They are overloaded with basketball sized tomatoes, which are very attractive to the tomato worm.  The population of tomato worms in your tomato plants weighs more than the Los Angeles. I wish I had a dollar for each of your tomato worms.
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:35 pm
Granted, however the federal government takes notice of the peculiar amount of one dollar bills in your possession and arrests you for suspected counterfeiting.
I wish I had a doughnut.
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:45 pm
Granted. Your tires have been swiped off your car and I bring you a do-nut as a spare.
I wish I could travel back in time
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:54 am
granted - but upon your first trip you discover that time travel can only occur to bring you into the past not the future. So the past to which you traveled to now becomes the present and you can never return to the future to which was previously your present. Anyway - you make a grave error and doom your future and the future of the plant by altering the course of history.
I wish that I would stop getting migraines.
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:06 pm
Granted. With a huge swoosh, the guillotine neatly severs your painful head from the rest of your body, effectively ending your migraines forever.
I wish the sky was lavendar.
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 7:51 pm
Granted.*cough, huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh! wheeze* The atmosphere has drastically changed and the air we breathe is no longer breathable.
I wish that I could someday become an artist for DC or Marvel.
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