Circus Grounds

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

She bothered to look up at him but merely scoffed, keeping with her doubt, which had been strengthened by his show of anger. "You do not have to hate me to not care for me, Vikteren." His retreat left her feeling a touch cold, though she did not understand why. "Though you raise a good point---you are here. I don't know why, but you've proved your point. You don't hate me. I won't dispute that." And so I still don't know why you said such things. And she still had no idea why he hadn't just left. She saw no benefit in it for him.

The vampire looked at her, stood, brushing debris off the back of his pants.
Vikteren was, oddly enough--well, not so oddly--hurt by this. He would have accepted any other rejection, but this was--
He held a hand out to her, to help her up, and kept his eyes on the ground and away from her face, so that she could not see the numbing pain that he was sure even now scrawled itself upon the surface of his eyes. He'd been told that his face was an open book when he was human.
He thought he'd lost that long ago.
"Why do you not believe me?"  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

A few moments crept by while she sat still. She wasn't hesitating, she just wasn't doing anything. "How can I?" She took his hand without a second thought, rising gracefully to her feet. She didn't bother brushing away the dirt and debris---there was too much of it on every inch of her body. "I don't know why you're here right now. I don't understand it. And any slight show you've made that might let me know you care, you've taken measures to negate." She tilted her head gingerly to look in his eyes and what she saw nearly stopped her cold. At the very least, it brought a very similar look to her face. Without searching the darker corners of his mind---without even trying---she couldn't understand this either. And it felt like pushing it, pushing him maybe, but in one of her softest voices she repeated, "I don't understand."

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

A few moments crept by while she sat still. She wasn't hesitating, she just wasn't doing anything. "How can I?" She took his hand without a second thought, rising gracefully to her feet. She didn't bother brushing away the dirt and debris---there was too much of it on every inch of her body. "I don't know why you're here right now. I don't understand it. And any slight show you've made that might let me know you care, you've taken measures to negate." She tilted her head gingerly to look in his eyes and what she saw nearly stopped her cold. At the very least, it brought a very similar look to her face. Without searching the darker corners of his mind---without even trying---she couldn't understand this either. And it felt like pushing it, pushing him maybe, but in one of her softest voices she repeated, "I don't understand."

He looked up.
"To give someone the knowledge that you care about them is to give them power over you," he said quietly. "I have never desired to give any other person that power. It is an easily misused gift."
The vampire looked at her, his green eyes dimmed, almost human, in the darkness. "I have had experience in a few matters such as these. The decisions I have made have always been the wrong ones."  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

"You have very twisted logic." She still couldn't find the evidence to believe him. Regardless of the fact that she wanted to so much that it hurt, that it brought the pain back to her chest, no matter how many times she searched her mind she could not find anything to convince herself. Perhaps she had enough to pretend, but she doubted that she would fool him. "But what I don't understand now is your eyes." The expression in them had hurt her, though she couldn't even fathom the meaning---she couldn't figure out what wounded him so badly. She couldn't imagine it was merely the fact that she didn't believe him. After all, what did it really matter to him? Whether he was truly apathetic or not she didn't know, but it was how he acted. If that was how he chose to act then surely it didn't really matter if she believed him...
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, she repeated once more with a hint of desperation, of need, "I don't understand---it doesn't make sense."

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

"You have very twisted logic." She still couldn't find the evidence to believe him. Regardless of the fact that she wanted to so much that it hurt, that it brought the pain back to her chest, no matter how many times she searched her mind she could not find anything to convince herself. Perhaps she had enough to pretend, but she doubted that she would fool him. "But what I don't understand now is your eyes." The expression in them had hurt her, though she couldn't even fathom the meaning---she couldn't figure out what wounded him so badly. She couldn't imagine it was merely the fact that she didn't believe him. After all, what did it really matter to him? Whether he was truly apathetic or not she didn't know, but it was how he acted. If that was how he chose to act then surely it didn't really matter if she believed him...
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, she repeated once more with a hint of desperation, of need, "I don't understand---it doesn't make sense."

He closed his eyes, pressed the heel of his palm against their lids.
"Have you ever told someone that you love them, Antha?" he said quietly. "And you know that what you say is wholly true, and you would risk the misuse of that confession even though you do not completely understand them and perhaps never will?"
The vampire opened his eyes and looked at her, in that brief moment giving her the knowledge, this is more than mere rhetoric.
"Sometimes things do not make sense. Sometimes people refuse to believe what is true; sometimes they reject a gift given with the best intentions."  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

The look in the witch girl's eyes when she gazed up at him said quite plainly that he had solved nothing for her. "And some people need logic. Some people need things to make sense, if they can." Again that smile came to her face, for lack of a better word---the twisting of her lips that held no emotion, that did not touch her eyes. "I'm one of those people, Vikteren. Logic is one of the few things that I have left and I need it. And maybe you'll never find a way to make me believe you, but why do you care if I do? Please, in all honesty, what does it matter if I believe that you have a single care in the world for me? I know that you do not hate me, so why is it important?" That was the real question. If she would not hurt him, would not order him away, then what did anything more matter?
Out of habit, her fingers touched his hand tentatively, and she just registered what she was doing enough to stop them there. Her attention, for the most part, stayed on his eyes, his face, anything that would help her, until the unexplainable rush of blood came to her cheeks and her gaze dropped to the ground by mere force of habit.

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

The look in the witch girl's eyes when she gazed up at him said quite plainly that he had solved nothing for her. "And some people need logic. Some people need things to make sense, if they can." Again that smile came to her face, for lack of a better word---the twisting of her lips that held no emotion, that did not touch her eyes. "I'm one of those people, Vikteren. Logic is one of the few things that I have left and I need it. And maybe you'll never find a way to make me believe you, but why do you care if I do? Please, in all honesty, what does it matter if I believe that you have a single care in the world for me? I know that you do not hate me, so why is it important?" That was the real question. If she would not hurt him, would not order him away, then what did anything more matter?
Out of habit, her fingers touched his hand tentatively, and she just registered what she was doing enough to stop them there. Her attention, for the most part, stayed on his eyes, his face, anything that would help her, until the unexplainable rush of blood came to her cheeks and her gaze dropped to the ground by mere force of habit.

The vampire hesitated, searching her wry green eyes until they disappeared beneath veiling lashes.
Hesitantly, gently, his hand closed around hers.

"Only because I would like you to believe me." he said quietly. "Perhaps that wish does lack good reason, but repeating that to myself will not cause it to cease."  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

Automatically her pale cheeks went nearly scarlet, though it lasted only one fraction of a second, and she bowed her head in an attempt to hide it. "Perhaps I'll find some logic in it one day," was all that she could say in reply, and she honestly did hope that she would. "I want to believe you," she said hastily, feeling the touch of heat on her cheeks. She could never remember blushing so easily before in her life. "Honestly, I do. I just..." she shook her head, slowly, letting her hair keep her hidden, "I just can't do it without logic---without proof." She waited for the blood to drain away before looking up at him, her eyes pleading, begging for his understanding.

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

Automatically her pale cheeks went nearly scarlet, though it lasted only one fraction of a second, and she bowed her head in an attempt to hide it. "Perhaps I'll find some logic in it one day," was all that she could say in reply, and she honestly did hope that she would. "I want to believe you," she said hastily, feeling the touch of heat on her cheeks. She could never remember blushing so easily before in her life. "Honestly, I do. I just..." she shook her head, slowly, letting her hair keep her hidden, "I just can't do it without logic---without proof." She waited for the blood to drain away before looking up at him, her eyes pleading, begging for his understanding.

Vikteren could see the moon reflected in her eyes, light interwoven with the dark limbs above, casting shadows on her face.
It was strange how his mind caught on such small details, he thought, pressing a hand against her warm cheek, cupping it.
Once, his kiss had been worthless, because it had been asked for.
This one, lacking the savageness trademark of Vikteren's kind, was not.
It was gentle, and chaste, and brief, but his hand lingered on her cheek even afterwards, a brief caress lent to his touch before it was gone.
In the shadow of his dark hair, his eyes searched hers, but their expression was not quite human, something borne out of centuries of betrayal and loneliness and slow scarring. Something that no human would ever live long enough to experience.  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

Antha took a minute to find her breath, her eyes showing the shock plainly on her face. She tried a few times to speak, but found herself unable. Somewhere in her mind, she wondered if it meant anything. After all, they had been through this before. It had meant nothing then, as most things seemed to be with him, so did it now? As far as she could tell, a kiss was something of little importance to him.
She made these thoughts very clear, tearing down her mental barriers for the same reason, because she could find no way to verbally express them.

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

Antha took a minute to find her breath, her eyes showing the shock plainly on her face. She tried a few times to speak, but found herself unable. Somewhere in her mind, she wondered if it meant anything. After all, they had been through this before. It had meant nothing then, as most things seemed to be with him, so did it now? As far as she could tell, a kiss was something of little importance to him.
She made these thoughts very clear, tearing down her mental barriers for the same reason, because she could find no way to verbally express them.

"There is... a difference between something demanded and something given freely. You understand a little of what that means. If what you become forces you to trade a kiss for sustenance, or as a display of loyalty--then yes, that kiss will mean very little to the giver or the recipient. A sign of affection is what we make it to be. If you believe it to be worthless, then it is worth nothing." He took a deep breath, filling hollow lungs in an old, uselessly human gesture. "If someone else believes otherwise, then what is worthless to you become priceless to them."  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

Antha sighed very softly, her eyes searching the forest floor for nothing in particular, and a nearly unnoticeable blush came to her cheeks. "And if it was worth something to me?" she asked softly, daring to raise her eyes to him for only a few seconds. "Just because one person may value something does not mean that it is worth anything. For that, feelings have to be mutual. If one side does not value it, then it may as well have been asked for." Between the lines, her question was clear. It had some value to her, though she would not admit how much, but that didn't mean it had any value. "Things given freely can be of no worth to the giver as well, Vikteren."

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

Antha sighed very softly, her eyes searching the forest floor for nothing in particular, and a nearly unnoticeable blush came to her cheeks. "And if it was worth something to me?" she asked softly, daring to raise her eyes to him for only a few seconds. "Just because one person may value something does not mean that it is worth anything. For that, feelings have to be mutual. If one side does not value it, then it may as well have been asked for." Between the lines, her question was clear. It had some value to her, though she would not admit how much, but that didn't mean it had any value. "Things given freely can be of no worth to the giver as well, Vikteren."

He was quiet for a moment, turning her words over in his mind. For a moment, he was tempted to disagree--simply because something was given without demand or coercion did not lessen the value it might have. In the state in which they both were in, barriers--for once--mutually lowered, the intent was clear enough in his mind.
His words were careful, purposeful, when he asked, "Why are we both skirting around this issue like it's going to start snapping, growing claws and breathing fire any moment now?"  

[XCandy and LunacyX]

She crossed her arms over her chest in a way that, had she been talking to Julien, would have been a sign of defiance. "It's not the issue itself that I'm being careful of." Her eyes watched him carefully, yet the gaze was weighted, suggestive. Because at any given moment I expect you'll throw your barriers back up and revert to what has been your normal state. And then I'll never get another straight answer from you again. "But if you wish to stop skirting the issue then fine. Did it mean anything at all to you? Or was it of as little meaning as the woman in the streets who gave you her blood when Singe went to feed?" To a stranger, the heat in her voice would have been a thick influence of anger, perhaps accusation. To anyone who knew Antha, it was as much hurt as she would let her voice hold without having a mental breakdown. Vikteren was one of the very few people she did not understand, and it played dreadful games with her mind.

 

[Vikteren]

+Rotting Lunacy+

She crossed her arms over her chest in a way that, had she been talking to Julien, would have been a sign of defiance. "It's not the issue itself that I'm being careful of." Her eyes watched him carefully, yet the gaze was weighted, suggestive. Because at any given moment I expect you'll throw your barriers back up and revert to what has been your normal state. And then I'll never get another straight answer from you again. "But if you wish to stop skirting the issue then fine. Did it mean anything at all to you? Or was it of as little meaning as the woman in the streets who gave you her blood when Singe went to feed?" To a stranger, the heat in her voice would have been a thick influence of anger, perhaps accusation. To anyone who knew Antha, it was as much hurt as she would let her voice hold without having a mental breakdown. Vikteren was one of the very few people she did not understand, and it played dreadful games with her mind.

His shoulders stiffened faintly. Was that what this was about? Why she was so unnerved, so confused by the sole sign of affection he had permitted himself?
"There is a difference," he said, quietly, "between a kiss of thanks, or of parting, and the one that I have given you. Yes, it meant something to me."