Anbaachan's Journal [56lbs to go, small set back]

[Anbaachan]

Day 29


Got up earlier than usual and made a good breakfast. I have to say... I really can't stand eggs. My hate for them has progressively gotten worse. The taste, the consistency... Ugh. I have to really be in the mood for them. It's kinda frustrating because they are good for you.

Been watching Gossip Girl pretty much all day yesterday and all day today. I love that show. XD;;

Not much to report today. Just keep on trudging through. Maybe I'll convince my hubby to go see the gym I want to join tomorrow or something. biggrin

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 30

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Got my period. feel like s**t. Yayz. Been eating cookies (within my caloric in take), like nonstop because of my hormones. Craving chocolate and sweets in the worst way. Been HORRIBLE.

Been really pounding it into my husband's head about getting a gym membership. I was firm about how I should be losing 5lbs a week, not 5lbs a month and that if he wants me to be thin, I NEED this membership. I think he understands a little better how serious I am about this.

I'm sure it's been partially hormones, partially gossip girl, but I've been kinds depressed about my weight. I want to lose weight, but I NEED to do it. I'm tired of being fat. i feel ugly. I want to fit into nice clothes and look nice in them! I want to wear dresses and skirts without my thighs chaffing or wearing some other clothes so they don't. I want to wear dresses and not look pregnant! I want to wear heels and not feel like my feet are breaking because there is so much weight on the balls of my feet and ankles. I want to get back into dance. I want to be able to get really good at DDR again. I want my husband to feel like a million bucks when I'm on his arm. He tells me I'm pretty all the time, but I know he wants me to be a size 7/8 again.

I'd just like to have pictures of me looking nice and not be embarrassed by my size. I'm sure I have a high school reunion coming up soon... I don't want to embarrass myself there either.

Over all, I feel like crap today. But I'm glad people found my thread in the other topics. If you haven't, check it out. Lend an Ear: A Life Support Thread. ♥

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 31

Definitely still feel like crap from my period and eating like crap. Again, within my caloric in take, but still. @__@;; No good, no good.

No word from my friend yet. Figure if I don't here from her by the end of the week (it really shouldn't take that long for a letter to get to her), then it's not worth pursuing. Because if she really read what I said, I have a hard time believing she wouldn't say something back. For as long as I have known her, I've never seen her be cruel to anyone. And with me putting myself out there, ignoring me would be cruel at this point.

Snowing like crazy right now. Wonderful. But kinda good. I promised to take my friend's kids out in the snow. So maybe I can do that now that there will be enough snow on the ground to make a snowman.

I'm getting annoyed with that guy who had the new year get together I went to. He's also in the same rp guild I'm in and is holding up one of my characters. driving me nut and at this point, I kinda wish he'd just drop out. -___-;; He's such a flake.

My birthday is in 9 days and I don't know what I want to do. My best friend isn't talking to me, my family is far away, my sister lives in CA with her husband, my parents southern IL, I have no real friends and it's kinda late to plan a party. Maybe I can have People over if we clean the house up some.... but I shouldn't have to make my own bday cake. So I don't know. I don't really want to be a year older... It makes me depressed. I was hoping to have a kid or at least be pregnant already... but the business comes first.

Well, good luck everyone. I'm already slipping into a bad mood. This will not be good for eating...

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 32

Did a little better yesterday. I at least ate some better foods. And I shoveled some snow to burn some calories.

Today, I get to go to the dentist. I actually have to jump in the shower soon. I'm nervous because both my husband and I let our teeth get really bad. -___-; Listen up! You might think going in every 6 months for a dental check up is bad... But don't put it off. My husband has about $4k worth of dental work that needs to be done.

Get to play with my friend's kids today since there is now enough snow. Should be exciting. Gotta get my snow gear together.

Have a good day!

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 33

Not looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow. I know I did poorly this week. @__@;;

Still kinda tired.

Not sure what to say about today...

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 34

So last night I crashed and burned. @___@;; I was SO hungry. I went WAY over calories and just BINGED. I probably ate about 10-12 clementine oranges. I also had more cookies than I should have. It's honestly disgusting and I'm disgusted with myself.

And to make matters worse, I'm starving right now. I'm so afraid to eat @__@; But I know I need to. Luckily, weight hasn't changed. Going to measure myself now.

Weight: 175
Bust: 44.5
Waist: 36
Stomach: 41.5
Hips: 47

From the looks of things, I'm plateauing already. I really need to get into a gym. Ugh. Though I will not update my stats on the front this week because I have my period and I don't doubt I am kinda bloated. But I am going to work a bit harder to make sure I do go down an inch next week.

Hopefully I can have some fun on my bday and not ruin it.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 35

I did MUCH MUCH MUCH better yesterday. I realized I has having too many treats between meals. I don't need a reward for every meal I eat. So I only had one last night, but masked it with a mug of teal with a tablespoon of honey. 60 calories is much less than cookies and I had about 4 mugs of tea, which make you feel full for a little longer. It was nice I'm going to keep trying it. I should try a different tea today. I think I'll try my cranberry orange instead of my apple cinnamon.

FINALLY got word from my friend. Turns out that she didn't know what to say, because my husband sent her an email. He only sent the email because I was so upset in the beginning. I maybe should feel mad, but I can't. I know he did it because he loves me and I really appreciate that. He's a good man. And I really love him. I am very grateful.

I also need to make some appointments because I need some teeth pulled, including my wisdom teeth, as they are impacted. I then need a root canal on another tooth... I know I need to get these done but I don't wanna do them before my birthday! I wanna ear what i want on my bday! It's only a week away, so maybe I'll call and make the appointment for next week. @___@ I'm SO nervous about it though. bwaaaa... @__@;

Well, until next time. Take care!!

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 36

I actually need to sleep more than 6 hours. -__-;; *yawn*

Doing better with the tea, though today I'm going to cut down the honey intake to 1/2 a tbs per mug. I had a lot of sugar because of it. I had like 4.5 tbs of honey yesterday. It was nice, but I don't think I even need that much for fruit herbal teas.

I also need to exercise still. I should really just keep doing squats and weights. My arms look flabby and my thighs look like cottage cheese in pantyhose. Perhaps I will get up and do that while my tea is cooling. Or the tea I am going to make cools.

I will get into a gym after my bday. I have to. I can't live like this any more. I have no motivation to exercise here. Too many distractions!!

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 37

I am just FUMING right now. My husband is driving me up a wall. Anyone else have to deal with a s/o who can't make up their mind? I am the designated cook in the house. I understand that and I make him food I can't eat all the time, no problem. But what really pisses me off is when he says he wants something, but won't actually say what he wants. Just he wants 'something good' to eat. Okay... WELL WTF IS THAT?!?

So this morning, he does this to me, so I decided to make breakfast sandwiches. Toast, cheese, and eggs. I already started makinf breakfast when he asks, "What are you making?". I tell him and he goes "Oh... I don't know if I want eggs..." And I tell him that I already started the sandwiches. He says, "well, what if I take a bite of yours and see if I really want it?". I don't say anything but in my head, I say NO because he does this all the time. I'll make something for ME and then he eats like half of it and then I have to go make us both something to eat. Why should I lose out on food and time because he can't make up his ******** mind?!?

So I make him the sandwich anyway and tell him he can eat it if he wants, because whether or not he he wanted one or not, I had aalready started the sandwich so it was going to go to waste anyway. And he gets all pissy and I don't understand what the hell he was even asking about why he couldn't just try mine. WHY CAN'T YOU TRY YOUR OWN AND JUST DECIDE?!?!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. I woke up in such a good mood and now I'm just mad. Which doesn't help my eating at all. I was happy having cereal but nooooooooooooooo he wanted something good. And here I though I was making something good. ******** ME. And now I have this sandwich I don't even want. I was just making it so it was easy. I'm not even that hungry now because I am mad.

I'M NOT PSYCHIC, KTHNX.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 38

I have a feeling that today is going to be busy, but good. I know this end of the week is probably going to end badly, it being my bday on saturday and having planned a last minute con for the weekend. should be interesting.

Eating pizza now. No good. But good for my taste buds.. ^__^;; eheheheh...

 

[BitterFantasy]

i make sure to keep my taste buds pleased too.if i am craving something i have a small portion just to appease my taste buds. i had like 3 or 4 onion rings today..so my taste buds arent being deprived.if they are deprived for too long i end up hating dieting and stop..so im not depriving them just having a tiny portion of my cravings. mrgreen

when do you do your weigh ins?  

[Anbaachan]

Day 1 (Day 48 )

I have to apologize for my absence. I didn't log in these last 10 days for a reason. Unfortunately, it was because I wasn't dieting. January 16th was my birthday, so some celebrating was done. But it was also very unfortunate that I was hit with a very bad cold and technically still currently have it. I was incredibly sick for about 5-6 days, where I wanted nothing but to sleep and stay in bed. I was taking medicine, trying to drink tea and eat soup... But When I am sick I also reach out to comfort foods. Anything to make me feel better, even if the sickness isn't going away.

Today I weighed in and I swear there must have been some type of a miracle. My stats:

Weight: 176
Bust: 45
Waist: 36.5
Stomach: 41
Hips: 47

Which means I only gained 1 pound and 2.5 inches. It could have been totally worse. I am so thankful I don't have to start over completely.

I really am going to try a bit harder. I know I begin traveling next week and I'm nervous. I want to eat well, and I know I need to exercise, but I'm unsure what to do. So I'm going to eat as smart as I can since we will be eating out, and try to take advantage of any hotel gym facilities there are on my travels. I might try and make myself swim some laps at the very least if possible. It's really easy to swim for 30 minutes cause it's fun!!

I'm sorry also for not being around to support you guys. I don't know how many people actually read my journal, but I am sorry if I have disappointed you. But I am back. Please don't ever hesitate to leave a a comment or pm asking where i am if I go missing again. I am on Gaia constantly... and peer pressure is hard to fight. So let's do this again.

I have to go eat something before I am sick, But I will be here again tomorrow. Take care.

 

[Lady Kayura]

Hope you're feeling better! So you fell off track. Happens to everyone. No sense in beating yourself up over it. Just try hard tomorrow!

Gained 1 pound? Great biggrin

Swimming is fun, I can't wait until summer to start swimming outside. If I can keep up working out, I may get myself a gym membership in the winter to keep myself active.

See you tomorrow!  

[Anbaachan]

Day 49

First of all, Thanks for the support. I really do appreciate it.

I honestly feel better to be back on my diet. I do want to lose the weight. I want to be healthy and happy and wear cute clothes. I got up and did some walking around yesterday. Went to the mall and walked around and shopped. It was nice. It felt good to park all the way in the back and walk to the mall and back. It's the little steps that will make this easier.

Feeling a bit more confident about the con traveling and dieting. I plan on printing any online menus and bringing them with me. I have a book, but it's a little out of date, But I'll bring that too. I will make this work. HUH!

Feeling a bit sleepy and I get to go in for a pap smear tomorrow. Boo. Not fun. Now I have to go do dishes.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 50

Back from the doctors. Things went well. She distracted my with talking while she did my examine, so it wasn't as uncomfortable. That and her hands actually weren't like ice. biggrin

I don't know what else to say really. Little apprehensive about the diet and traveling. Been saying that for a while now. *sigh* I'm kinda tired. I feel kinda drained.

PART TWO

Not doing great right now. Over calories by a bit. -___-. 2040 is where I am at if I eat this kitkat... and I WANT this kitkat badly. *sigh* I'll keep trying. If I didn't feel like s**t, I'd probably jump on the DDR machine again. Here's to tomorrow. Better look up all those menus now.