WARNING: HARSH GRAPHICS! My journal...

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

May 27, 2008 Tuesday

Breakfast:
2 slimfasts, and I think cereal

Lunch:
I went to mcdonalds, Double hamberger w/bottom bun (no top), bacon, and ketchup, small fry, and a caramel sundae (water as the beverage)

Dinner:
1/2 Piece of cake, whipped cream on a shortcake shell, 2 cubbed stakes.


Yes, I was very bad today.... I think I'm getting my period soon, this happens every time my period comes. I always get very hungry, my tummy hurts (not from cramps), which makes me think I am hungry. Plus, this period, my nipples are very hard and tender, which is irritating me, my whole body is tender. I'm just not in the best mood.

I have been slacking so bad, I am disappointed in myself, I really want to lose weight, but when I start to, I get my period and gain it all back, it's so aggravating.  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

May 28, 2008 Wednesday

Breakfast:
small piece of cake

Lunch:


Dinner:


I forgot to mention, yesterday was my mothers birthday, and there was a celebrations at my work, that is why so many sweets were involved... everything I said for yesterday, applies to today. I am not very happy with myself at the moment.

I can't go to the gym because it is 2 and a half miles away, I hate riding the bus because it takes an hour to get close to there, then I have to wait and cross the two main highways, then walk across a huge parking lot. If I ride my bike, that is even worse because it is very hilly, I am tired by the time I get there. It's like I am getting a workout to have a workout... It's so time consuming, I can't stand it. I like to be at the Gym for two hours, so, by then end of it all, I have spent 4 hours on trying to lose weight. I want to buy a tredmill, I would use that so much. That's what I want for my b-day. I'd be the happiest person alive. Just a few days shy of 2 months

I wish I had a car.
 

[Iconised Ghost]

maybe you could just extend your cycle ride and not go to the gym? If it takes a lot of exercise to get to the gym, why not just do a bit more of that and not go to the gym, save yourself some money and stress. Then you can put some money towards the treadmill or car 3nodding

Maybe you are trying to do too much at once- exercise more, eat better, eat less junk, dont drink soda, cut out the fat, dont slip up...perhaps you need to organise these from most important to least important and then just try to change one thing a week. It helped me to do that, i didnt feel like it was a huge impossible task, and it made it a lot easier to maintain those changes  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

May 29, 2008

Breakfast:
Cake, cereal

Lunch:
360 calorie meat, 2 pieces of bread, potato, water

Dinner:
hamburger, tea


Man, Last night, I did a lot of thinking, that's why I like to do certain drugs, they make me think a lot. I don't remember much of what I was thinking, I never do, I have horrible memory, and not because of any drugs, I have always had horrible memory, since I was a kid. Probably hit my head too many times as a kid... but I am feeling really even right now. I am feeling really calm, relaxed right now. My mind is at ease for the moment, which is what I've been needing. Someone told me I'm very down to earth before, but I really haven't been feeling that way lately. But now, I'm just, I don't know, not worried, but not zealous.

I think I could have done better with the food today. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to go swimming.  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

Sorry to report, but I am taking a break from this. I don't know when I will be back.  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

Man, I left kind of abruptly, sorry sweatdrop , i'm not back, but I would like to explain (to anyone who cares.. lol).

Okay, so, the main reason I left was because I have problems with habit. It is extremely hard to learn a new habit especially since my memory isn't so great.

I had gained weight out of no where, almost all of it back, so I was extremely discouraged, all though it was mostly my weight just fluctuating. I am back down to 207 though.

Another reason I left was because, I may be pregnant, and I am weighting to see what happens. I have yet to get my period, so it is possible. Not a bad thing though, I've been wanting a baby and trying for a while.

One reason I gained some weight back, was due to stress. I tend to gain a lot of weight (and anxiety) when I am stressed, and trust me, I have been VERY stressed lately stare . But, thankfully, when I have my anxiety, it makes me go poo a lot. Sounds gross, but I need it since I have problems with constipation. I go just about everyday, just not a lot. So some of the gained pounds were shed just by this lol redface

Um.... I hope it's not too informative xp


BUT! GOOD NEWS! I am coming back soon xd , even if I am pregnant, especially if I am pregnant, I need to be as healthy as possible if I am, so that means I have to watch what I eat for the health of the baby, yeah?

Okay, I have to go, sorry for leaving like that, see ya laters everyone.  

[Starlurk]

Good luck!

When it comes to habits (and I'm a hypocrite cause I never do this BUT!) It's said if you want to create a habit, just make sure to do it every day for 28 days. After that point it just becomes something you don't have to think about.  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

Starlurk

Good luck!

When it comes to habits (and I'm a hypocrite cause I never do this BUT!) It's said if you want to create a habit, just make sure to do it every day for 28 days. After that point it just becomes something you don't have to think about.

It feel's like I would die before then, I can barely even go a week out of my own routine...  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

UPDATE:

Ok, it's official, I AM Pregnant! I'm not sure when I will start seeing a doctor, sometime in the next 8 weeks, that's what I read to do. I'm so nervous. One thing is for sure, I am quiting anything that can harm the baby. I'm not a regular cigarette smoker, so that want bother me (I smoke at the most once a month), more veggies and fruits, I have already been drinking loads of water, it's like I'm dehydrated lol. I want to know what the baby is, but I think I will keep it a secret through out the whole pregnancy (I can't stand surprises though, it eats me alive razz ). Okay, I have to go, I will start coming on here tomorrow.  

[Iconised Ghost]

oh congrats! thats so exciting!  

[Serafim_Azriel]

Congrats on the baby! XP
It'll be easy to do hard core exercises at first, but once you get the baby-tummy it'll be hard.  

[alwyscrying240]

Dont forget to get your vitamins! You need special ones, now that you're, eatting for two! 4laugh

You should get to the doctor as soon as you can. The sooner you can talk to your doctor about what you need to eat, the better.

Nutruitional choices NOW can affect the baby greatly. =]  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

Okay, it's been a LONG time, I know, SORRY if anyone is paying attention lol. As you may or may not know, I am pregnant, now 4 months biggrin , 5 more to go... This sucks, I eat when I am nauseas which is all the time, so I have gained a bit of weight. 10 pounds to be exact... I've maintained at this weight though. I eat when I am hungry, I don't get nausaus much anymore. I held a baby the other day (I ahve only held one, one time in my life before this. This one I walked with, it wasn't as heavy as I thought it would be. I thought they were like 50 pounds or something lol, I don't know. I can't wait to find out what I am having biggrin . When I get paid, I am going to buy one of those booklets you can buy for waitressing. Food check pamplet. When I eat, iw ill right it down, and how many calories I consume. Sound good? I think this way I will keep track better because it would be more fun... I don;t know, that's just me lol.

I'll be back sometime around next week, laters biggrin  

[Iconised Ghost]

welcome back! I am paying attention ^_^ Getting that booklet sounds good, but if you are going to limit your calories you should check how many you need with your doctor. You dont want to be starving that baby!  

[ol_evil_eye_Riddle_box]

Okay, today, I am going to start again, finally lol.

Warning I have a lot to say lol, you don't have to read it all xp

I did gain quite a bit of weight, but I did lose a couple of pounds again. I weigh 212, I did go up to 217. I gained a lot of weight mainly from the nausea. I can't take the credit for losing the 5 pounds, that was mainly do to my stress and anxiety. I am doing better now. I will try to stick to something a little healthier, for the baby.

Every month, I will document my success, my goals, my rewards, and anything else I can think of.

Reason to Lose Weight
I think it would be a good idea to remind myself on why I want to lose weight, no matter how superficial it maybe, because I'll be honest, I don't want to lose the weight to be healthy, I do want to lose it to be able to do the healthier things in life with no struggles, but I don't want to do it to be healthy.

I want to be able to run without feeling like I'm going to die, I want to be able to have sex without being on bottom most of the time, I want to feel good about how I look. I want to be able to move without something jiggling. I want to look in the mirror and smile. I want people to look at me and think of me as a pretty skinny girl, I have never been able to do any of this my entire life, I would like to have those feelings.

The Stats
Weight: 212
Goal for this week: 210
Goal for the month: 208--- I'm not really worried about numbers, I'm more going to watch my body, see it more toned out and tighter. It is okay to watch your weight while pregnant, as long as I am getting all the nutrients for the baby and myself. I love this baby, I will put it before myself anytime.
Reward for this month: an inverse vertical labret OR a ridge piercing.


What's Going On
I started a new job that requires more walking than my last, so that's good. Also, I am starting school again, tuesdays and thursdays, I finally have a doctor now, I'm trying to make friends that I can hang out with outside of work, and I am 18 weeks pregnant (5 months). The bad news, my baby's daddy left a week and a half ago (that is part of the stress from before). Things are going pretty okay for now though, I'm just trying to better myself and get things a little organized, mainly my life biggrin .