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 Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:43 pm
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No we aren't.
He prides himself on being an a*****e.
I'm more of an a*****e with flare.
I'm a lot funnier than him, a lot.
So I ran into an old friend today, me and this guy always end up having the weirdest conversations. Some how Hacky Sack came up and he said he played with a dead bird once.
Me: Yeah? How was it?
Matt: Oh, it was aliright, kind of big though. But we managed to pass it around a few times, then someone threw up, they lost.
Me: Nice, that's how I'm going to describe sex from now on.
Matt: Why?
Me: What you mean why? Isn't that what sex is like for you?
Matt: [Thinks about it for a few minutes] No.
Me: Oh, you must be doing it wrong.
Matt: We should make a how to video.
Me: You and I together? We're going to have to make a run at the liqour store first.
Matt: I'm not pretty enough for you now?
Me: No, but get a few drinks in me and you might be. Let's do this, I'll throw up on you.
Matt: Sounds like a plan.
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:59 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:02 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:21 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:21 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:51 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:51 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:13 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 10:22 am
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:38 am
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 7:53 am
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Like the coldest winter chill, heaven beside you... hell within
Ok, so I am bored on my first day of X-Mas vacation. Here are a couple of stories that Ska has told me...
First one:
Ska: I punched a swan once, I'm not joking.
Me: Ok, details please
Me: XD
Ska: I was at the park feeding the swans and geese. And apparently I was too close to the baby swans, so the mother swan charged at me and bit me. I tried backing off, but it kept coming at me, so I took a wild swing not thinking I would hit it.
Ska: I made full contact with its head and the swan dropped. I felt so bad, I just looked at it all sad and said, "I just wanted to feed you bread, and now look at you.".
Me: Oh my god...
Ska: It was ok though, I think it was just playing dead.
Me: You scared it!
Ska: I ******** punched it in the face!
Me: That's what I'm saying, it played dead because it thought "Hell no! I ain't getting up and getting punched in the face again!"
Ska: I didn't mean to punch it. sad
Me: I know, it was reflex
Ska: It was pretty funny though.
Me: I can imagine
Ska: Yup.
And you think you have it still, heaven inside you
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 7:57 am
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:08 am
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Like the coldest winter chill, heaven beside you... hell within
Disclaimer:
And now for the long-a** convo. Prepare to waste a few minutes of your life. Not that it's bad, but if you read through all of it, you are still wasting minutes of your time...
Here it is:
Ska: I smashed through a door once, it was a screen door so it doesn't really count.
Me: Ahahaha
Me: I couldn't stop laughing just now
Ska: It actually kind of hurt. I didn't think I would rip through it, but I did and landed on my face.
Me: And what exactly were you thinking back then?
Ska: Before or after?
Me: Um, both?
Ska: Before: There is no way I can smash this door. I'll just bounce off it probably.
Ska: After: God I hope a piece of the frame isn't lodged in my a**.
Ska: I ripped it off the frame and bent the metal divider thing, that's what made it rip open.
Me: Oh my god... I know it's bad, but I even cried laughing, I can barely type now.
Me: That after part made me laugh so hard
Ska: It was pretty funny, my aunt didn't think so though.
Me: Did she happen to own the house connected to the door?
Ska: Yes, we were replacing it for her and I figured it'd be easier to charge at the door and jump at it a** first rather than just unscrew it.
Me: Oh, veeeery smart
Ska: I told you I have lots of ideas, when did I ever say they were good ones?
Me: yes, I know
Ska: Live and learn I guess.
Me: *nods* True
Ska: So yeah, I can fix doors if you're ever interested.
Me: Yeah, No screen doors here >.>
Me: I don't want you fracturing something else <.<
Ska: I can fix windows too.
Me: So handy
Me: Wait... how? Not another one of your ideas... o.0
Ska: Maybe, we'll see how I feel.
Ska: I remember when I was little, one of my neighbors was a shut in. She ended up dying in her house and they had to come in and clear out all her stuff.
Ska: They left everything on her lawn since she had no relatives and now will so people just took what they wanted.
Ska: Anyway, she had this giant mirror, it was at least six feet tall and three feet wide. So my friend and I thought it would be a good idea to
shoot at it with a air rifle.
Ska: We shot like five clips into it and it didn't break or crack very much at all. I figured it must be really thick. I walked up to it and flicked it and the thing came crashing down all over me.
Ska: It was awesome, I only got a single cut.
Me: So how many actual good ideas have you gotten before?
Ska: Ionno. Maybe like five.
Me: Hahaha
Ska: I guess I shouldn't tell you about wheel chair car skiing.
Me: No no, do tell!
Ska: 'Kay, we found this old wheel chair at work one day and we messed around with it. Going down hills, spinning, all that kind of stuff 'til it got boring.
Ska: So we decided to take the shop car, tie a line of rope around the axle and the wheel chair and have it drag us for awhile.
Ska: It was fun but the car pulled it too hard so I needed more weight on the chair. I had a friend sit on my lap and it was now perfect.
Ska: So we go zipping back and forth and then the line snaps and we go flying towards the lawn at at least thirty miles per hour.
Ska: As soon as the front two small wheels hit the grass we were launched and the chair kind of like exploded. On wheel bent in ward and the smalls ones flew off.
Ska: So when we stopped rolling and what not, I asked if my friend was alright and he said yes, so I told him to get off me and that he broke my chair.
Ska: Mind you, this was like last year.
Me: lol
Ska: It was funny, I walked back into work with giant grass stains on my shirt and my pants all ripped up and slightly bleeding. They didn't know what to say.
Me: I can imagine
Ska: All the techs were silent until they saw us moving around. Then the first thing one of them said was, "Dude, you ******** sailed.".
And you think you have it still, heaven inside you
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:04 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:05 pm
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Reply
*~
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