[prp] curriculum vitae (leila + ezra)

[cibarium]

His mother stared ahead, at the far end of the table.

< I want to believe I have more than seven months to live, >

"It really wasn't your fault, back there." Leila cautiously looked back to her son. She was trying to look reassuring, but wasn't doing a very good job of it. "I was trying to distract myself. Make plans to... catch up, and all. It just wasn't working."

< but i don't/i can't. >

"I'm not strong enough to deal with it." She shrugged and turned her gaze back downward. "Harmless me."

shibrogane

 

[shibrogane]

Ezra didn't know what to say to that, either, but he tried: "I think it's worth doing," he said. "You don't know that this isn't the cycle where it all comes together and... falls apart. Maybe the sun comes up in 2018 this year, like it hasn't for centuries. Proceeding as if you're doomed to die only prolongs the agony. It only makes the waiting worse."

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Eve's been telling me stuff like that," Leila replied. There was some comfort in the similarity, but not much. "Kind of. I don't really know what you mean by some of that, though... as you're aware, I bet."

Might as well acknowledge that.

"I'll hope it's because I don't know enough, but I'm afraid of what'll happen even if the cycles end." She had her hands folded up near her chest as she leaned over the table. "Sonny, or Sunny, whoever we've caged -- we might be in danger, right? You said it yourself. And even past that, a lot of us are supposed to be dead. That happened before this all started."

This had obviously been on her mind a lot. Leila wore an apologetic look even while she was avoiding eye contact: in one sitting, she'd brought up nearly all of the things she was reluctant to discuss with her son.

shibrgane

 

[shibrogane]

"Yes," said Ezra. "We have no way of ascertaining what exactly will happen after the cage is broken, if it is broken." He ran a fingertip around the rim of his can. "Except that--part of magic is determining the consequences you want to have. You don't have to set the world back to the way it was on the thirty-first of December 2017 in the original cycle. You just have to truly know what it is you're reaching for, inside and out, like reaching for an unlabeled composition."

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

That also sounded like something Eve would say (not that she had said it) and it got Leila thinking, a little. She moved to close her CV again, and looked for a while at the front page, which was still ready to brag for all who cared to look about the academic career her other self had led.

Did she know what she wanted?

"That analogy works a little better for a musician than a biologist," she said, with a small smile. "You don't wanna hear me talk about the things I know inside-out." Now she was rolling her paper up, stuffing it away in her purse, so she wouldn't be distracted by it anymore.

"I'll... I'll try to think about all that." Leila turned to Ezra more fully, resting a hand close by but not touching, as at this point she was also good at being mindful about the touch psychic thing. "You've looked out for us both now. We're lucky to have you around, really. I haven't even asked you how you're doing today."

shibrgane

 

[shibrogane]

"I'm pissed off today," said Ezra, "but that's not your fault. I'm tired of trying to preserve motion in my leg when it works fine for everything I need it for." Grump grump grump. "I'd rather work on my hands and arms. At this rate I'll never have the dexterity or stamina for the violin again."

He looked up from their hands, eyes narrowed: "Has Tatiana been keeping up on her playing, or has she abandoned it entirely?"

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Tatiana?"

Leila was positive she didn't know a Tatiana.

shibrogane

 

[shibrogane]

"Tate," said Ezra. "Tall. Redhead. Lives in your house? Recently tithed someone that looks like one of my cousins?"

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Oh."

Leila took a breath, unsure of herself.

"I'm not sure I should answer that," she confessed. Unless being a warg meant she was supposed to be some kind of patron-tithe intermediary. Hell if she knew.

shibrgane

 

[shibrogane]

Ezra made a dissatisfied sound. "Alright," he said.

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"I didn't even know for sure you had her practice any instruments," Leila said. "If you want to know how she's generally doing, I can give you that... but I'm aware Noble business isn't an easy topic." She bit the inside of her lip a bit. "If that's why you asked."

Understatement of the year.

shibrgane

 

[shibrogane]

"She's talented." Ezra finished his pellegrino and set it down. "I hate to see her waste it."

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"Wasted talent isn't a wasted life," Leila shrugged. She pulled back to retrieve her phone, which had buzzed from its hiding place in her bag. "Eve's almost ready... I let her know where we are. She'll also be pissed off," she said.

With a small laugh, she added, "I think I know what I would've said back there."

shibrgane

 

[shibrogane]

"And what would that have been?"

cibarium

 

[cibarium]

"I would've given Risha a piece of my mind." She paused. "Not literally. But then I would've tried to talk with you about it again later. Less spontaneously, when you're less mad."

Now Leila was bending the tab of her drink slowly back and forth. "Not because I'd have been secretly on her side this whole time, but..." The tab broke free and she dropped it into clatteringly into her empty can. "I think I'd have wanted you to stick to the program, or at least find a version of it that suits you better." She had the contemplative, even pace of someone who'd had experience easing into conversations like this. Because she did. With Eve. She'd take the anger she might get.

"If there's a future for everyone next year... and the years after that... even though music is something you've devoted your life to, someday you might discover other things you'd want to do. In this world, I mean." She looked at him, smiling cautiously. "I wouldn't want to see you neglect the other parts of your life you could have. It'd still be your choice in the end, though."

shibrogane