[PRP] Just One Thing (Kursha + Elidae)

[blackbird cake]

Wincing the moment the glass hit the counter, Elidae met his eyes when he faced her, but immediately cast them to the side. His voice held an unusual tone. Kursha had never spoken to her that way before, at least not directly at her. Her lips twitched, and then moved as if forming words of protest, but her voice caught in the back of her throat. Internally struggling, Elidae debated within herself if this was worth bringing up. With the tension building, she considered forgetting the entire conversation, apologizing and letting it go. And yet… she knew her intentions weren’t to harm him. She wanted to help him.

"I-I'm not... trying to convince myself of anything! And I’m not trying to trap you.” Elidae started, repeatedly blinking away the prickling sensation at the corners of her eyes. Her chest heaved, bracing a sharp intake of air. Her words flowed with sincerity. “I’m just trying- I’m trying to help you. Y-You put other trolls in a dangerous situation and I’m upset I had to hear about it from someone else, after the fact! I am very worried, but I don’t want you to think I’m not considerate of your feelings during the moment! It’s… I don't...! I just-!" Now, Elidae fumbled her words, her body tense with stress and emotional strain.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

Kursha's eyes bored into Elidae. He could see her beating a mental retreat, as she fumbled over excuses, but he refused to let her escape. His fingers tightened around the glass. Her distress only fed his fire. “So I should tell you every time I do something wrong,” he said, tone level.  

[blackbird cake]

Elidae's head jerked to face Kursha, her expression wilting. "N-No! Of course not!" She replied, voice shaking. "That's not what I meant at all!"

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

“What then?” Kursha pressed. Abandoning the glass, he advanced on Elidae, bristling and tense. “Why's it so important? So you can mock me? Act like you're better than me?” He paused to let his words take effect. At this short distance he could see the tears welling in her eyes.

“Why don't I just let the whole world know? No one should miss out.” Before she could protest or object, Kursha stormed away and over to a window. Yanking it open, he stuck his head out into the night.

“Guess what, everybody!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. “Kursha Vidari ******** it up again! Big surprise, right? What a ******** loser! He can't keep it together for two seconds! Laugh it up, assholes!”  

[blackbird cake]

As he approached her, Elidae took a single step back, but held her ground. “No…” Elidae whispered harshly, continuously shaking her head. Was that what he really thought? She opened her mouth during the silence, the yellow tears spilling over her cheeks. Kursha then continued and Elidae blinked in flabbergast.

“Kursha, what?” Suddenly, he made a break for it to her window and Elidae tailed after him with haste around the couch, but not quick enough to prevent him from screaming a self-deprecating speech out to New Hemisect. All the horrible things he said about himself, Elidae couldn’t believe them. She began to realize perhaps this was less about her, and more about a deeper struggle within himself. Regardless, she couldn’t let him continue.

“Kursha, stop it!” Elidae attempted to yell over him, grabbing at his arm to wrench him back inside. “Stop talking about yourself like that! None of that is true!” After a forceful tug to pull him to the side, she gripped the window pane and slammed it shut.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

Kursha felt Elidae's hand around his arm, and then the yellowblood hauled him back inside. The window slammed behind him, as she wrenched him away. Suddenly cold, Kursha stepped away, out of arm's reach. He regarded Elidae with his usual expression of annoyed indifference.

“Who cares?” he said bitterly. “I already caught it from Regina, so go on right ahead.”  

[blackbird cake]

Turning around to face him with a huff, Elidae soon realized he distanced himself from her. Part of her suddenly felt empty. He continued to behave annoyed, but what he said caught her off guard. "Regina?" She asked, the name sounded unusual on her tongue. "Regina Marian?" The weight of what this implied hit Elidae hard, and all the tenseness in her features fell. If the queen herself had already spoken to him about it- well... Elidae's words were just salt to the wound. Alternatively, they just didn't matter much. Because Elidae was just a measly yellowblood. Regina was the queen of Alternia.

"I- I'm sorry... I didn't know..." Elidae said sheepishly, clasping her hands and pulling into herself.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

“No, you didn't,” Kursha echoed. He exhaled. Some of the tightness evaporated from his chest. In its place though, he felt sore. Once more, he had won something he did not truly want. It was Stryke all over again. Vremea all over again. He had one tiny little piece of his life to keep safe and he burnt it to the ground with all the rest.

“I didn't want you to know,” he continued, running a hand through his hair. He cast his eyes towards the floor, as his emotions ricocheted from one extreme to the other. “I wanted just one thing—just one ******** thing—” his hands clenched into fists “—that was not complicated by endless bullshit. I wanted...” He breathed out again.

“I'll show myself out.” Without another word, Kursha turned and briskly made his way towards the door. A moment later it slammed behind him.  

[blackbird cake]

As the door slammed to a close, Elidae’s voice finally croaked in protest. “Wait…!” Her labored breathing worsened as the seconds ticked by while she stood beside herelf in her living room, attempting to process what just happened. Her read on him felt chaotic. Even if things were considered complicated now, she wondered briefly if it was ever simple to begin with. But that never stopped her from caring about him. A greenblood with a sharp tongue and reputation. As she grew more aware of him, her warmth for him grew brighter and brighter. All she wanted to do was care. She could even consider it was a sincere form of pity.

“No.” She cried, taking a few steps towards the door, and then backing away. “No, no, no! Don’t leave! N-Not again…!”

There were times when there happened to be a moment of conflict and she needed him, Kursha hightailed out every time, always with his back facing her. When she found his inert body in the caves, Awassi’s hive, when she attempted to seek him out after all the ashes laid to rest, only to find him gone. She felt an enduring pang watching him take his leave whenever he deemed fit. Every time, Elidae remained stagnant, waiting for him to come to her. And to stay. Her own disstress concerning conflict perturbed her, but for him, she felt determined to weather her own demons. She wanted him so badly to understand her feelings, the pure commitment she felt to bring him comfort.

She’d just have to go to him.

After hurriedly snatching her coat, Elidae’s boots carried her to her door, the heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach weighing her down. It slowed the moments taken for her to reach the knob. After a quick turn, the door flew open, and Elidae prepared herself to run after him. This time, she refused to let him go.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

There was a loud bang as the door slammed shut behind him, and then quiet. The hivestem halls were still and silent, save for the low, indistinct hum of the generators sending power through the walls. The lights vibrated at a frequency almost too high to hear.

Kursha let out an angry breath, the only sound to break the quiet. Gritting his teeth, he started down the hall towards the stairwell. His bloodpusher raced in his chest all the while, like a prisoner beating the walls of a cell. Even so, he kept his mind blank. The heels of his sandals thumped against the carpet in steady, marching rhythm. Eventually they slowed and came to a stop.

Closing his eyes, Kursha exhaled once more, slower than before. He ran a hand down his face, smoothing out some of the wrinkles creased around his brow and jaw. With a great force of will, he turned and trudged back towards Elidae's hive. Just outside her door he stopped. He leaned back against the wall, his head making contact with a soft thud. After a moment, he heard the door to Elidae's hive open. He pushed his hands into his pockets and stared straight ahead, impassive.  

[blackbird cake]

As she swung the door behind to close, Elidae stepped out quickly, but not without realizing someone else was already in the hall with her. Her mouth instantly opened, but her jaw locked and her tongue tied.

“Oh!” Elidae finally said, her tone surprised, yet relieved, “You’re still here!” He’s still here. The emotional ups and downs inside her increased. Upon seeing his emotionlessness, Elidae fidgeted and avoided looking at him directly.

“U-Um…” She wavered. Her eyes finally cast a small glance, hand rubbing her sleeve. “Look- I…” Elidae inhaled slowly with her eyes closed, mustering up the courage to lay her honest feelings for him out in the open. She exhaled. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to bring it up to upset you; I just… wanted to talk to you. I was worried about you.” Taking a step toward him, she extended a hesitant hand, and then she placed it gently on his shoulder. “It’s because I care about you, Kursha.” Elidae moved into his line of sight, softened and exposed.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

“Yeah,” Kursha replied. He did not have the energy to say anything more—not that there was anything more to say. In the following silence, the yellowblood floundered, searching for words. Kursha could see her fidgeting in his peripheral vision. He offered no rescue.

After an uncertain pause, Elidae broke the silence. Kursha closed his eyes against her, as though to blind himself. He could not blind himself to her words however. Nor her presence. Elidae's hand clasped his shoulder, soft and warm. Kursha's brow creased. For a half-second he considered taking off down the hallway like he had initially planned and leaving Elidae there. He did not move.

“I...” His voice cracked. He opened his eyes and tried again.

“I know that.” The words changed in his mouth. He felt a sliver of guilt, like a trickle of oil down his throat. His expression twisted. He averted his gaze from Elidae and towards the ground. Her hand burned on his shoulder. “I'm sorry.” For what? For being such a piece of s**t? “For saying all that crap and then storming out on you.”  

[blackbird cake]

He knew what? That she cared? Elidae's brows knitted together. She wanted him to look at her, yet he kept avioding her gaze. He appeared to be struggling. "Its okay!" She reassured with a gentle smile, moving her hand down over his shoulder and to his arm. She gave him a light squeeze, and then removed it. A light flickered in the hall. Elidae's eyes flitted around the scenery. "Do you want to come back inside...?" She asked somewhat sheepishly, stepping back and reaching for the door. She opened it carefully and stepped inside, then held it out for him. If he decided to leave, that was that. But perhaps she could coax him into coming back.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Kursha Vidari

When Elidae's hand left his arm, Kursha at last turned his gaze towards her. He regarded the open door she offered with a kind of weary caution, like a trap he recognised but had resigned himself to. His eyes flicked back Elidae's. Pushing off from the wall, Kursha took a few steps towards her. He stopped in the doorframe.

“Look, I'm... really bad at this,” he said with half a laugh. He leaned against the door with one arm, and pulled the other through his hair, as he faced the floor. “I don't wanna like... impose on you or anything. Some fancy a** excuse here, yadda yadda.” He glanced back up to Elidae with a smile that was part beat, and part nervous.  

[blackbird cake]

“You wouldn’t impose!” Elidae immediately responded, eagerness in her voice. “I- I want you to stay!” She paused. Her face flushed yellow and she cast her gaze away nervously. She blew air into her cheeks as she tried to think of the right words. She quickly blew them out. “Um! What I mean is- I like your company! A lot! And- I want you to be here. With me, with you- Like- I want to be here for you, whenever. I promise I don’t mind! And- um…!” She grew quiet, and then inhaled deeply.

Elidae wanted to grab him and bring him back in. Yet if she pushed him too hard, it wouldn’t be his decision to stay, and he would want to run again. Patience never came to Elidae easily, yet she felt determined. She had to trust him. She had to give him the option. She exhaled. “You don’t have to.” She assured. “Don’t have to stay, I mean. It’s up to you… I won’t hold it against you if you want to go.” Elidae's tone reached a rare quality, sincere and thoughtful, yet bordering sorrow.

She looked back up to Kursha. She held up her hand, and then her finger gently tapped the very tip of his nose. Giving him a smile, she rested her head now on the edge of the door and returned her hand. “The door is always open for you, though.”